Monday, February 18, 2008

Big Mama

Last night after the hubby and I finally got all three boys to sleep we settled down on the couch with a glass of soda, and a big blanket, and began flipping through the channels on tv. We were just beginning to relax our aching bones when the satellite went out. Nothing. No channels. No picture. Nothing.

We both knew right away what the problem was because this just happened two weeks ago. We looked at each other and said, "Ice."  Luckily, the dish is right off of the upstairs porch so it is really easy to get to. The only problem is that the porch door is only accessible in the boys' bedroom.

Now, I could have done without television for a night. I could have read a book. I could have taken a nice long bath. I certainly could have read all the blogs I neglected over the weekend. But the hubby was having none of it. He wanted some tv, and he wanted it now.

He threw on his boots and a coat and hauled himself upstairs to the boys' bedroom and out the porch door. I reluctantly followed, knowing I would have to answer all the boys' questions and attempt to keep them from following their daddy out the door into the cold.

I got upstairs and closed the porch door which was hanging open letting all the freezing air into the room. The boys sat up and immediately began their barrage of questions.

Joey: "Where is daddy going?"
Tommy: "Was that daddy? I thought that was a monster!"
Joey: "Can I go outside with daddy? What is he doing out there? Is he gonna fall off the porch?"
Tommy: "I don't want daddy to fall!"
Joey: "What is that scraping noise? Is that daddy?"
Tommy: "Why is daddy scraping? Is a monster coming?"

I told the boys that daddy was scraping the ice off of the dish (with a butter knife, thank you very much), that he wouldn't fall, they couldn't go outside with him, and that there were no monsters. I decided to have the boys go potty one more time since they were awake anyway. We trekked across the hall, they did their duty, and ran back to bed to get warm again. I crawled up to the top bunk and tucked Joey back in to his warm blankies. I gave him his special blankie, "lellow", and a kiss on his nose. Then I headed back down the ladder to tuck Tommy in.

Again, I pulled the blankets up to his nose, gave him his lambie, and then crawled on to the bed and laid down with him until Todd was done.

Tommy: "You can't lay in dis bed, mama! You're too big!"
Me: "No I am not!"
Tommy: "Uh-huh! You're big! You are a big mama!"
Me: "What?"
Tommy: "You are a big mama."

Thank goodness Todd came in just then to save me from this verbal assault. I rolled my big, huge body off of the bottom bunk, being very careful not to squish my child with my massive girth. I gave each boy one last kiss and headed to the door with directions to go right to sleep.

Me: "Goodnight, boys. God bless you, I love you!"
Joey: "Night mum. I love you!"
Tommy: "Goodnight, big mama. I love you!"

~sigh~

Little sass.

I walked downstairs, grabbed a bag of popcorn, more soda, and sat on the sofa for the rest of the night watching pointless tv. If I was gonna be a "big mama" I might as well act like one, right?

40 comments:

painted maypole said...

ha ha. hey, think of how much bigger you are than them. it's all relative. but any excuse for popcorn I'll take! ;)

Chrissy said...

That was harsh. I've been told by my Tommy that my booty is big. I guess we'll have to teach them how to relate to women a little better before they're out on their own.

girlymom said...

Oh those boys!! They have a few years to work on their complimenting skills before they start swooning the girls right?! I am constantly reminded that I still have a big belly even though the baby is not in there anymore...gee thanks girls, you're simply too kind.

Laura said...

Funny how things come out of their mouths!

Thanks for a good chuckle. Hope you got the TV working again.

LaskiGal said...

Oh "big" mama! Celebrate your "bigness!" Hee hee . . . kids say the darndest . . . mines is just babbling--thank the good Lord.

Amy said...

My six year old called me fat the other day. I wanted to knock her out! I'm actually looking better than I have for the past 2 years, or I thought I was...

Kristen said...

That is too cute!!

I think I would have neeeded to have a couple of candy bars or a piece of cake or something!

Isn't life with toddlers cute? :-)

david mcmahon said...

Ice with a butter knife? He's a brave man.

As for the boys, was that the end of the, er, dish-cussion?

Lisa said...

Too funny!
Did you eat a snickers in his honor too? I would have :)

arambledlife said...

My kids have told me I was fat, yes, not big...FAT, plenty of times and it always hurts even though I know they have no real clue what "fat" is.

Kellan said...

What a cute story. I'm a Big Mama and an Old Mama! Have a good evening Kathryn - see you later. Kellan

Brittany said...

oh my gosh. Kids. I'm laughing...I'm sorry... but I am laughing... They are hilarious. I actually think my favorite line was "I thought that was a monster!" So your hubby is a monster and you're a big mama. Great combo?!

MamaGeek said...

You got that straight. I love it. The story - hilarious. Your husband definitely had some must see TV on his mind! :)

Yay more snow. :(

Maria said...

I almost choked to death on my Coke.
It came out of my nose and it hurts now.

Holly said...

LOL!!!

Tracey said...

Stinker... Corinne told me I have a big, big Mommy nose. Sweet.

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

The first tool I think of when I need to scrape some ice is, of course, the butter knife. I love the lengths men are willing to go to just to watch some TV.

Dawn said...

I loved reading the conversation you had with your boys. You captured it so well. As to the big momma comment, just remember it's all relative to their small size :) My daughter always points out my gray hairs- not something I really enjoy hearing about.

OHmommy said...

LOL.... all that work. I love your kids dialogue. Too cute!

anglophilefootballfanatic said...

He used a butter knife to scrape ice off the dish? Wow. And, I like you just the way you are Big Mama (even tho you are NOT big).

Manners & Moxie said...

Holy Cow. I think I actually saw you inflate right before my eyes as I was reading this. Just remember some day you will get to show every one of his girlfriends his naked baby pictures. Big Mama indeed! Hmph! :o)

Alison said...

very cute story....My son has a lambie too!!!

melissa said...

Ok..after hearing your winter stories, I'll stop bitching about my lack of winter now.

Sending warm thoughts your way...

Ashley said...

Lol they say the funniest things! Too cute!

wheelsonthebus said...

Like someone in a Tennessee Williams play...

krissy said...

I'm telling ya...sometimes kids can be the rudest, meanest little booger eaters EVER! Geesh! I would have rolled over on my Diva just to give her a example of what a big momma can do!!!!

LOL! You crack me up! If I come back to Wisconsin again (and you know I will next year to support the Pack!) I am so getting ahold of you!

daryl e said...

Kids really DO say the darnest things! Neat blog .. David sent me!

suchsimplepleasures said...

my kids are jerky like that, too!!
xoxo

Mushy said...

Thanks for the visit "big mama", I mean Kathryn!

Loved that little tale...you seem to have the perfect family life. That makes me happy.

Ashley said...

Aww thank you so much for you WONDERFUL comment on my blog :) *blushes* xoxo

Beck said...

The Baby calls me Big Fat Mama. Hey! I'm not THAT fat!

Julie Pippert said...

LOL

My kids do the big thing to me too.

Obviously we always (until moving to the subtropics) dealt with ice and snow buildup on our satellite, as well.

And...we never tried it, but a large number of people in our town swore by smearing Crisco on the dish. Promised it kept the problem at bay.

I can't even tell you how VERY New England that is LOL.

Family Adventure said...

LOL, Kathryn! That is too, too funny. I was just told today that I was OLD by my youngest. Apparently, I LOOK OLD. Just what a girl wants to hear :)

Heidi

Nissa - said...

Think of the bright side- Now you won't ever be begged to stay in their room all night, or if you are, you simply remind him that you're too big for the bed and where would you sleep?
I wish my son had said that when he was little; I could have been saved from a ton of sleepless kiddie bed nights.

Splaneyo said...

Thanks for the laugh! My 4 year old told me my "bottom was wide". Thanks kid - I didn't really have a clear view of that portion of my anatomy. Something about mouths of babes…
Heather

Pennies In My Pocket said...

"I rolled my big, huge body off of the bottom bunk, being very careful not to squish my child with my massive girth" -- OMGOODNESS I am dying laughing! I just know the moment will come when my daughter says I'm a big mama since I'm 6 feet tall...I will have to teach her 'tall' not 'big' LOL ... GREAT post! We have satelite, too and share the frustration of it going out from time to time. Usually, it goes out when you're in a TV mood, huh?

~melody~

david mcmahon said...

TV or not TV, that is the question.

(Sorry, Mr Shakespeare)

Jerseygirl89 said...

Too funny. You know that "Big Mama" is compliment in some urban neighborhoods, right?

wright said...

HA! That's funny!

Barrie said...

What an excellent post! Congrats on the award from Laura!

Words To Live By

Be grateful for each new day.
A new day that you have never lived before.
Twenty-four new, fresh, unexplored hours to use usefully and profitably.
We can squander, neglect, or use them.
Life will be richer or poorer by the way we use today.
Finish every day and be done with it.
You have done what you could;
some blunders and absurdities crept in;
forget them as soon as you can.
Tomorrow is a new day.
You shall begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be
encumbered with your old nonsense.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson