I don't want school to start. I feel like stomping my feet on the floor, crossing my arms over my chest yelling, "Hell no, we won't go!"
I'm a freak. I know.
It feels like the beginning of the end. Dramatic much? Perhaps. But that is how I feel.
This is the first year that all of my kids will be in school. For the past ten years I've never not had a little buddy with me at home. A little shadow following me around (here comes the lump in my throat again). A little partner for every car ride, trip to the grocery store, or errand run. Oh sure, Ben is only in half day kindergarten and Grace is just in school for a few hours three mornings a week but still. The beginning of the end.
You see, I like these little people of mine. Of course they drive me crazy and make me want to pull my hair out of my head 20 times a day, but my days are still better with them than without them. I like 'em. I want to freeze time right now and live this life in slow motion.
Don't get me wrong, I can use these few hours here and there to get things done. The time won't be wasted. And I have big plans for when the kids are older that involve me going back to school and becoming a nurse as I'd always planned. There are things to look forward to. But. Well. I just don't want to be there already. I want to be here. I want this to stay. I don't want things to change.
And yet, they do. Every day.
Once school starts time seems to gain momentum. Faster and faster and faster it goes as I stumble and run to keep up. Hang on. Hold on. Remember.
My little people are all excited. Thrilled to be starting new adventures, learning, growing. I won't ruin their fun. I'll clap and cheer and jump up and down and they'll never know I'm holding my breath and swallowing down the empty in my chest. I'll be a fabulous actress. 'Cause that's what we do. We give them wings so they can fly. And though they may be too young to fly far just yet, it is the beginning (of the end).