Finally Fall

Finally! The weather finally feels like fall.

This past weekend we had the nicest weather. On Saturday it was about 67 degrees and sunny all day. We immediately took advantage and used every spare minute of that day for outdoor fun.

After we had stopped off at our favorite bakery/coffee shop we headed down to the beach at the shores of Lake Michigan. The waves were especially large that day and all of the surfers came out in full force. I took a ton of photos, but I'll show you those another time.

After we had our fill of watching the surfers we headed out to one of my favorite spots. It is a huge field and woodsy area with a bunch of different walking paths. A great spot to let the boys run wild.

While I was busy getting Grace into her sling the boys played a game of hide and seek in the tall grass.

"Where are the boys?" "There they are!"

After I got Gracie into her sling we were ready to go!

One of the paths we chose had a pretty little bridge with a tiny creek running under it. The boys had a good time throwing stones into the creek, as you would imagine.

They were so happy to be out racing around that they even stopped to let us snap a pic.

They boys found big sticks shaped like rakes and spent much of the time raking the entire path.

It was very tiring and after a while Ben needed a lift.

All the beautiful, multicolored leaves had already fallen off of the trees, but we still had some color. We found some bright red berries here and there.

The sky was a gorgeous blue.

And we even found a bright orange bush or two. Mostly, the boys just had a good time running around in the woods for a couple of hours.

And I was just thankful that I was able to have a little bit of my fall.

Dad-

The sun is shining today, so that automatically puts me in a good mood. I eye the massive bag of apples atop my counter and figure that now is as good a time as any to start in on my applesauce.

I stand at my sink and peel away at apple after apple. Peel, peel, peel, core, cut, put in the kettle. There are so many apples that it takes me close to an hour. Well, that and the fact that I have to stop about a gazillion times to break up fights, hand out snacks, change diapers, wipe noses, and wipe butts.

Still, the sun is shining in through my windows in heated streams, Frank Sinatra is playing in the background, and the sweet, spicy smell of my apples is filling the whole house. Strangely enough, it is times like these that the hole in my heart feels especially sharp.

It has been too long since I've seen you. I mean, I know that when people die you don't see them anymore. I get that. But, well, I really miss seeing you. I've been missing you so much lately. I'm wondering if it is finally hitting me that you are gone. I won't be seeing you again. And now I'm starting to cry again.

This past week we celebrated All Saints Day at church. Just like every year, the names of all the church members who have passed away in past year were read in front of church. There I sat in my pew, sweating and nervous. Dreading when they would get to your name. And when your name was finally read it felt like a punch in the gut. I cried and cried and didn't even care that the girl in the pew in front of me turned around to stare. Stare away, girlie! I miss my dad.

This year we skipped right over fall. It was never golden and pretty. It was not cool and crisp. It didn't even have that wonderful fall smell. It was dark and dreary and bitter cold. It seems appropriate though, because fall was your absolute favorite time, and without you here to enjoy it what is the point?

There are so many things you have missed, daddy. I have a little girl. Did you know that? I like to think that maybe you already met her, but I don't know. I named her Grace. And she is perfect. I wish you could have met her. And her you. I feel she is really missing out without you here. We all are.

The boys still talk about you. Mostly at night when we are saying prayers. They like to think of you as an angel now, and they sometimes ask you for favors. One night Joey even asked you to "help all the girls stop trying to kiss me". I laughed so hard and I pictured you laughing right along with us. You would be so proud of my boys and so happy to see how much they want to protect their sister. It is very sweet.

We moved too. Remember that neighborhood that you and mom used to walk through all the time? The one right on top of the lake by the woods? Mom said you used to walk down the very street I live on and dream about living here. The house has everything you always wanted. A fireplace, a big backyard, a huge garage. It even feels like we live out in the country because the neighborhood is so quite. You can hear the waves crashing and listen to the geese honking as they come in for a landing over the cliff edge onto the lake. And the other night we had four deer in our yard. This house has your name all over it. I wish you could see it. You would be so happy for us. So excited.

I miss you, dad. I wish you would visit. At least in my dreams every now and then. It has just been too long. Every once in a while I can hear you in my head. The other night when I was irrationally annoyed with mom I heard you say, "Awe, honey. Come on now." Just like you used to do when mom and I would bicker with each other when I was a sassy teenager. It immediately made me smile. And then it widened that hole in my heart and I missed you even more.

Here I thought I was so strong and doing so well. But I guess it is finally hitting me now. Before I was just happy for you. Glad that you were finally released from your body that wasn't working anymore. Grateful that you were not suffering anymore. Now. Now I'm just sad for me.

I found a three page letter that you had written to me when I was in high school. In it you told me how proud of me you were and how much you loved me. It felt so good to read those words from you. Having that letter now means more to me than you could ever have imagined when you wrote it.
You ended the letter with:
"Mom and I both hope and pray for a bright future for you and that you never stray from the right and good path. We have loving concern for you- so very much- our youngest and last of all of our children. You have so much to offer. Please- always- depend on God to help you- to guide you, care for you and to bless you. And give Him your love, praise, adoration, thanksgiving, and support.
God Bless You Honey- I love you very much!! And right now I am choked up. Dad"

Thank you, Daddy. What a gift. I'll end my letter the same way.

God Bless You Daddy- I love you very much!! And right now I am choked up. Kathy

Dare I Say It?

Up until now I've been too nervous to mention it (well, I'm actually still nervous- hear me knocking on wood?), but for the last three weeks there is a certain smiley little girl that has been SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT.

Oh yes. You heard that right. My baby girl started sleeping through the night at two months! TWO. MONTHS. I'm telling you, this kid is an angel! Such a good girl.

"Who's a good girl?" "Gracie is!"

Oh, October

Oh, October, where did you go? You have always been one of my favorite months of the year and this year you were no where to be found.

We waited patiently for you to come. Dreams of sunlight streaming through the trees, pumpkin farms, and Halloween night filled our heads. Instead you brought us temps in the 40s, dark, dreary days, howling winds, and torrential rains. We rarely saw the sun, and trips to the pumpkin farm were cancelled over and over again. Our annual leaf pile photos were impossible with the high winds that shook the leaves off the trees before they could turn their true brilliant colors. Not to mention the fact that any leaf piles we could muster were soaking wet.

But we tried. We tried to resume our normal activities though they were much later than we would have liked.

We did make it to the pumpkin farm. The day before Halloween. And all of the pumpkins they had left were rotten. And the pumpkin patch was muddy. And it was 40 degrees, windy, and dreary. But we got there. And somehow we still managed to have fun.

We took plenty of goofy pictures like this: And this:

We managed to get a decent family picture. Everyone was even looking at the camera!

Gracie got her very first pumpkin.

Ben saw some super cute bunnies.

And the boys got a big kick out of all the baby goats.

It was a short trip to the pumpkin farm, and we couldn't do half of the activities there that we normally enjoy, but we still had fun.

I was hoping that you, October, were saving the most beautiful day of the month for the very last day. Halloween. But, you didn't. We woke up to a rainy, cold morning, with 30 mile/hr wind gusts yet again. The boys were nervous that trick or treating would be cancelled, but I reassured them that we would have fun no matter what.

We got all decked out in our fabulous costumes, with 10 layers of clothes underneath.

Grace was a mouse for her very first Halloween. I think she liked it.

Ben was a dalmatian again this year because the costume still fit. And besides, he makes an adorable puppy.

Joey was a vampire. Secretly I wondered if my Twilight obsession was to blame.

And Tommy was once again saving the world as Spiderman.

They made a handsome crew.

It was very cold outside but running from door to door helped to keep us warm. That and the four layers of clothes we had on underneath our costumes. We meet some of our neighbors for the first time and discovered that this neighborhood is very generous at Halloween, which pleased the boys immensely.

After the first few blocks I decided Grace would be warmer next to me so I put her in the sling and hid her inside my jacket. Much better.

The kids were super troopers walking for two hours in the cold and Grace was very patient. But she was clearly relieved when we finally got back home and she was able to eat. She was a hungry and tired little mouse. Though she hid it well.

Yes, we managed to have some fun, no thanks to you, October. Next year I would greatly appreciate it if you could kindly remember that you are supposed to average 65 degrees with no more than 5 or 6 days of rain. I'm just sayin.

And if you could tell November to take it easy on us, that'd be great. Thanks.

The Rest of the Story--- The Reveal Part 2

Let's resume our tour, shall we? Follow me upstairs.

I know this first picture isn't a great picture but I wanted to show you the chandelier from upstairs and also the wall that was built in place of the old, rickety, low wrought iron railing that used to be there. I love this hallway now, and I don't have to worry about my children falling over the railing. Yeah!

Immediately at the top of the stairs in the master bedroom, but I'm saving that for last, cuz it is my fav. Walk around the hallway and the first room you come to is Grace's room. I probably should have taken new shots of the bedrooms because they now all have curtains and a few more homey touches, but you get the idea. Look! Isn't it pretty? It is a warm peach color that matches perfectly with her bedding set. I love this room. It feels so cozy even though it is pretty large. I still can't believe that I have a girly room in my house. :)

The next room is the kids' bathroom. We painted it a bright blue to look kind of tropical and then had a fishy theme going on. You probably can't see it but the shower curtain is adorable cartoon fish, and the toothbrush holder, kleenex box, soap dispenser, and tumbler is the same set. The boys LOVE IT. I even put their fake fish tank on the sink top and when they take baths we turn off the lights and turn the fish tank on so that they feel like they are "under the sea". Very fun!

Now we are moving on to Joey and Tommy's room. I just took one view of the kids' rooms but where I am standing there are also double closets, which will be a huge bonus as they get older. Looking at it in this picture the room looks kinda small, but it isn't. Lots of room for both boys to play. And the little farts have THE BEST view of the lake. They can wake up in the morning and watch the sun rise over the lake if they want to. Not that they appreciate it now, but maybe when they get bigger?

This is Ben's room. This color green is just gorgeous. I LOVE this room. It actually has so much room that I wasn't sure what to do with all the space. We took Todd's grandma's recliner that used to be in our basement and put it in his room and I think it looks great in there. His dresser went to Grace and I took the dresser from our downstairs bathroom at the old house and put it in his room. Surprisingly it matches really well.

Okay, let's head back around the hallway and go to MY ROOM! It is a really nice size so I took a couple views of it. This view is from the hallway.

This is the view standing in front of our bathroom door. I wanted you to see this view because they built the wall where my dresser is and added a huge walk in closet (I should have taken pics of our closets. They are awesome). I was worried it would make the room feel much smaller, but it really didn't. There used to be sliding doors where the windows are now, but we took them out (because we took away the catwalk that used to be on the outside).

This is the view standing by my dresser. My closet is on the right and the bathroom door is on the left.

Remember the old master bath? If not, please take a minute and check it out here. It was pretty freaking scary. This is the new master bath. We knocked down a few walls (took out a weird closet and a laundry room that was on the other side of the old master bath) and I can't believe how much room that gave us.

Look at my freaking bathtub!!! Not that I've gotten to use it yet.

Opposite the bathtub is the shower. Ooh-la-la! I love this shower. So good.

I never thought I would have a master suite. It is amazing. I can actually take a shower or go to the bathroom without worrying about waking the kids. It is crazy! And I can read in bed at night without thinking that my squeaky floor will disturb the sleeping munchkins. AND, with the awesome curtains I found (Joe and Tommy's room has navy blue, and the rest of the bedrooms have chocolate brown) everyone is sleeping later, which HELLO!, freaking rocks.

So anyway, that is the upstairs. I still could show you the basement which is set up like a movie room and also has the boys' playroom. And I could show you the first floor laundry too, if you like, cause I love my laundry and powder room. Oh, and I still haven't shown you our views of my much loved Lake Michigan. I could do that too! And of course the front and backyard. I'm sure you'll want to see those too. When we finally plant grass, that is. I guess I'll wait on that one.

Needless to say, the house is now feeling like home. Todd and I look at each other every once in a while and say, "Can you believe we live here?" It doesn't seem real. It really makes me smile to think of how we got here (we lost the bid on that first house and I was devastated, remember?), and how it all just fell into place. I guess that is just how life works sometimes.

Blessed

Today was your special day, angel. You got dressed up all pretty in your beautiful gown, your fancy shoes, and your sweet little bonnet and went to church. You slept all throughout mass, and woke up smiley and precious as ever. You looked right at Father and listened as he read the blessing to you. You squinted and shook your head as he poured the holy water on your head, but you never cried. You were all smiles.
I was so proud to hold you. So proud of my little girl. So proud to let everyone know that you are not only my child, but a child of God too.

All too soon your baptism was over. You handled it all perfectly. Even the car ride home.

I hung up your special dress and realized that this day, just like so many other days in your life, had come and gone too quickly. Yet another reminder to cherish every moment I have with you.

I am so proud of you, Grace. I love you more than words can say. Congratulations, and God Bless You.

Oh Brother

The boys love having Grace as their little sister. They are truly smitten with her. They fight over who gets to hold her and run to see her first thing in the morning. They tell us over and over again how they got the best baby in the whole world, that they never thought they would get such a wonderful baby, and that she is the prettiest thing they have ever seen. They are in love.

Just this morning Tommy got up and told me he had the best dream last night. He said that he dreamt he took Grace hunting in the woods up north. He was carrying her around and talking to her and when he had to set her down on the ground he put a blanket down first so that her pretty clothes wouldn't get dirty. Such a sweet boy even in his dreams.

Ben is constantly telling anyone who will listen that Grace is HIS baby. You'd better agree with him too, or watch out! That boy loves his little sister. Every time he is close to her he is gritting his teeth and clenching his fists to keep from squeezing her too hard.

And then of course there is Joey. Yesterday Joey was telling us how he was going to take Grace out for coffee and to the movies when she gets older. We smiled and told him how nice that was and Todd jokingly added, "You'll have to go with her when she has dates too."

Joey said, "What do you mean?"

I clarified, "Well, when a boy wants to take Grace out on a date you or Tommy or Ben will have to chaperon and make sure the boy is nice to her."

Joey was shocked and furious when he yelled, "Are you KIDDING me? I'm not gonna let some boy go out with Grace!"

I laughed so hard I could barely squeak out the "Good boy, Joe!"

Then I looked down at Grace who was sitting sweetly on my lap and I said, "Good luck, sweetheart!"