I'm not getting a cold. I just nearly screamed my throat raw, is all.
Yeah. I'm a good mom. Yay me.
I don't know.
I go along so well for so long. Ignoring the eye rolls. Calmly correcting the sass and the backtalk. Listening patiently to the whining and carefully reminding them to speak in a normal speaking voice. I break up the fights. I help pick up the messes. I squash the drama and soothe the meltdowns.
But man, sometimes, sometimes I just can't do it anymore. Sometimes there is a final straw. Sometimes I am just so sick of being "MOM!!!!".
A nice thing to think the day after Mother's Day, isn't it?
Like I said, I'm good at this.
Part of me thinks, well good, they should know that they have crossed a line. Especially with the back talk and the sass.
But then another side of me thinks, well great, I was just a fabulous example of patience and calm and rationale, now wasn't I? Way to go, me!
And then another part, just as disturbing, thinks oh so what. So I yelled at them. Maybe the little turds deserved it. I was yelled at all the time as a kid, spanked a bunch too, and I'm not so bad. I'm not terribly messed up.
Maybe my nonchalance at screaming my throat raw is more disturbing than anything else. I don't know.
Or maybe I'm just too tired to think too much about it anymore. Maybe I'm a veteran mother at this point who knows that I will be a perfect mom never. A good mom most of the time. And a crappy mom once in a while. Hell, no one gets out of childhood (or parenthood) unscathed right? I'm doing the best I can. And that alone makes me a pretty good mom. I'm trying. I'm trying really hard.
Tomorrow there will be hugs in the morning. We will all apologize for our crazy behavior and we'll start anew. The kids will learn (once again) that their mommy has flaws, that she is a work in progress, that she apologizes when she is wrong, and that everyone has room to grow. And maybe in the process they'll also learn not to roll their eyes, talk back, turn their back, cop an attitude, interrupt, or raise their voices at their mom. Maybe.
I can hope.