Peace

The good Lord has given me special graces this week.

Ever since I found out that I was pregnant with my fourth child I have been worried about the day my dad would pass away. I'm sure I don't need to tell you (though I will anyway) that I have always been very close to my dad. To this day I consider myself to be daddy's little girl. I knew grieving my dad would be very hard on me, and it worried me to be pregnant at the same time. I feared that if I became too depressed those depressed feelings could be passed onto my baby.

My fears were unfounded.

This past week has been a busy one, planning the funeral, helping take care of arrangements, and writing the obituary as my mother requested. And yes, there have been times I would break down and cry. But for the most part I just felt peace. Peace that daddy's struggle was over and he could finally be himself again. Peace that when we would have family get-togethers dad could be there to join in again. Peace that when I speak to my dad I know he will hear me. And peace knowing that dad is reunited with the daughter he lost so long ago.

Maybe it is because this has been such a long road. Yes, I will miss my father terribly, but I have already been missing him for so many years. We have been grieving for quite a while. Even still, the very thought of loosing my dad used to flood me with tears. Now that it has actually happened I am just so happy for him. And my mom seems to be feeling the same thing.

Friday was the funeral. Just planning the funeral, picking the songs that dad loved, choosing readings that meant so much, caused me to cry. Probably more than I had cried yet. But in actually being at the funeral I felt joy. So many people came to celebrate dad and what a wonderful person he was. Pictures were sprayed throughout the church. A video collection of pictures showed just who dad was in life. I laughed when I saw how many photos we had of dad holding a baby. I think that sums up my dad perfectly. He was always taking care of people. Protecting the underdogs. Giving unconditional love. Living with a child's wonder and joy. Thinking about it, dad's connection to babies was perfect, and it is no wonder we had so many pictures of him in his glory.

It reminded me how much I will miss having him at the hospital when this baby is born. I will miss him repeating one of his favorite phrases as he would have taken my daughter in his arms and said in his most reverent, joyful, and gentle voice, "There is nothing like a newborn baby!" I shared this with my mom at the funeral as we were in the back of church and she smiled at me and said, "I just heard him say, 'I'll be there.' " And I have no doubt that he will be.

The sermon captured dad's personality so well that it may have been the only time I cried during mass. Dad's enthusiasm for God's creations was catching and I will never again be able to look at the way the afternoon sun hits the brick on a house and warms it to a glow. Dad was famous for pointing out beautiful things that the average person would walk right by. I am so proud to be passing that on to my children. Dad's appreciation for life and all it's beauty.

Yes. I will miss dad. More than I can say in words. But I am so filled with love of this man that it is hard to feel past my joy for him right now.

I thank you all so much for your kindness and your prayers. All the overwhelming love and support my family has been given is one of the things that does bring me to tears. This love is beautiful.

I'll leave you with the obituary that was shown in our city's newspaper. I think it sums up my dad's life (if that is even possible) as best as I could in the short amount of time that I had. I am deleting last names and cities and such and I'll just place a * in their spot. I hope that doesn't make it difficult to read.

Thank you all again. And God Bless. :)


John G. * III, 77, of *, died peacefully at * Nursing Home on Monday evening, June 29, 2009 after a long and courageous battle with Alzheimer’s.

John was born November 14, 1931 in * to John and Clara *. He graduated from * North High School, Class of 1950 as school president. During high school, John lettered in track and football. He furthered his education at Mission House, where he starred in several positions with the only undefeated football team in school history.

John went on to play football for the Redwings semi-professional football team. He quickly became one of the Redwings’ star players and word of his talent traveled to Green Bay to the Packers organization. John discovered that the Packers wanted him to tryout for their team just as he was drafted into the Army during the Korean War.

John served his country in the U.S. Army, stationed at *. Following his service, he attended radio broadcasters school in New York, NY. He was employed at a radio station in Manitowoc for a time before he entered * Beauty School in *. It was there he met his wife to be.

On February 7, 1959, John was united in marriage to Gloria * of *. The couple were beauticians in * for a year before moving to * to make their home. John worked as a carpenter for his uncle’s contracting business before he became a lab technician at * Engineering Co. where he was employed for over thirty years until his retirement in 1993.

Mr. * was a faithful member of * Parish where he happily served with the maintenance crew and grounds keepers. He sang with the church choir for many years and will always be remembered for his annual solo of “O Holy Night” during Christmas Eve Mass. John was a member of Community Players and had many lead roles. His favorites included playing Charles Dalrymple in “Brigadoon” and “South Pacific” where he played Lt. Cable, and his wife played Liat. He was also a member of the Knights of Columbus where he shared in grounds keeping duties.

John will be remembered by his wife as having the most grateful heart. He found beauty in everything around him. The way the sunlight filtered through the trees, a beautiful red barn in a field, the majesty of a sunset, or the glory of a fall day. He made life fun and exciting by taking such joy in God’s creations.

John was a true follower of Christ. Always taking care of those that could not take care of themselves. Always defending the underdog. He had a generous, kind, and compassionate nature and made each and every person that came in contact with him feel special. He was the charming life of the party and loved making people laugh.

John was an avid hunter, and enjoyed taking his German Shorthairs on hunting trips. He loved fishing and hiking and took much joy in showing his children and grandchildren all the beauty in nature. His children will always remember the family camping trips to St. Croix falls and many other state parks.

John not only had a gorgeous singing voice, and was a fabulous actor, but he was a great dancer too. John and his wife loved dancing together at weddings, parties, or even in the living room when the mood struck.

John and his wife were best friends and enjoyed spending all of their time together. They took many motorcycle trips across the states and along the Mississippi River stopping wherever something struck their fancy. They took daily walks through the woods with their dogs. They enjoyed attending mass together, singing together, taking long car rides, listening to music, and spending time with their children, grandchildren, and friends.

John will be remembered for many things, but the most important is love. John loved his God, and his family. His faith and love of God lead him throughout his life and made him an extraordinary example of God’s love for us. John loved and supported his wife and children through all of their endeavors and rejoiced in their happiness. All who knew John knew love.

In addition to his wife, Gloria, John is survived by five children, David (Debbie) *, Mike *, Jeff (Jenny) *, Anne *, Kathryn (Todd) * all of *; eleven grandchildren, Garrett, Kellie, Jake, Jason, Alyssa, Emily, Hannah, Lydia, Joseph, Thomas, Benjamin, and another grandchild due in August; 3 brothers, Clarence (Barbara), Eugene (Lois) and Carl (Marie); and other family members including a brother-in-law, Larry (Emma Jean) *.

Preceding John in death was his beloved daughter, Mary Joy, his parents, a brother, Jimmy; father and mother-in-law, August and Casey *.

The family would like to thank all the nurses and staff at Sunnyridge Nursing Home and all the nurses at Hospice for their loving support and care.

A Mass of Christian Burial will be celebrated Friday, 11:00 A.M. at * Church by Rev. *, the Pastor. A time of visitation and support will be held at the church on Friday from 9:00 A.M. until the time of service.

A memorial fund has been established in his name.

Free

November 14, 1931 - June 29, 2009

"The one who sat on the throne said, 'Behold, I make all things new. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give a gift from the spring of life-giving water. The victor will inherit these gifts, and I shall be his God, and he will be my son.' "

-Book of Revelation

Do not stand at my grave and weep;

I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow,

I am the diamond glint on the snow.

I am the sunlight on the ripened grain,

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you wake in morning hush

I am the swift uplifting rush

of quiet birds in circled flight.

I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,

I am not there, I did not die.

-Author Unknown

Drained

As one life prepares to enter this world another prepares to exit.

This past week my dad has gone down hill very quickly. Hospice has been called into the nursing home to help care for him. He can not eat anymore, and has trouble drinking water. He is not responding, talking, or opening his eyes. He has started running a temperature and has trouble breathing too.

Our parish priest came to the nursing home last night and gave dad the Anointing of the Sick (used to be called The Last Rites). When Father told dad that he was there to give him a blessing dad actually moved his head in the direction of Father and nodded his head. Clearly dad is still in there. And it is also clear that his faith and his God continue to be at the forefront of his life.

Dying will be a happy release for dad. He will no longer be stuck in a body that doesn't work. No longer imprisoned by his mind. It will be joyful for him. The daughter he has waited 40 long years to see again will surely greet him, and I am so happy for him. For both of them. But I'm sad for me. It is so final.

Still, life continues to go on. The boys play in the pudgie pool in the backyard. Picnics are attended. Fourth of July parties are planned. Cabinets and colors are picked out for the new house. And this little lady still kicks in my belly. And though it makes me sad to think she will never meet her adoring grandpa, and he will never get to hold my daughter, I comfort myself thinking that perhaps they will meet. Maybe even before I get to meet her. Maybe they will meet when she is on her way in and he is on his way out. And she will actually get to see the angel who will so carefully and diligently watch over her throughout her life.

Parting Is Such Sweet Sorrow

I was doing so well. I thought I would get through it all unscathed. After all, they were just clothes, and all my boys got to wear them so I had plenty of opportunity to use them.

This morning I rounded up the three bins full of baby boy clothes and started to sort through. Of course the boys oohed and aahed over all the cute fuzzy sleepers, the little jogging suits, and the many truck and bulldozer tee shirts. But I had my own favorites. My fingers ran over each one, remembering when I would rock my babies to sleep in the precious outfits. And then I would quickly get distracted with the boys' questions over the next outfit. There was no time to dwell on each outfit. And there was too much excitement, happiness, and chaos for tears.

I had managed to find a couple of white sweaters and a few green and yellow sleepers for baby girl to use, and even a few outfits I kept for sentimental value. And when I was finally finished going through the beautiful items that kept each of my babies clothed for their first two years I had five overflowing garbage bags of memories to be donated.

I packed up the boys and the bags and we drove to the donation site. It made me feel much better knowing that these clothes would be a huge help to some new mother, and would most likely bring a whole new set of sweet memories for her, too.

Then suddenly, and without warning, as I drove out of the parking lot a huge lump grew in my throat and tears began rolling down my cheeks. All those years I spent holding, rocking, and cradling my baby boys had gone by so fast and seemed to be even further away now that the clothes were gone. Never again will I be able to hold their warm, heavy, baby bodies close to me as they fall asleep. It all just seemed too sweet, too precious, too blessed to let myself believe that their babyhood was truly over. But I couldn't deny it anymore.

I cried the whole way home. And for the next couple of hours that followed.

I am so thankful for the little men that I have, but I miss my babies too. Time has just gone by too fast. I want to remember every single moment. I want to remember them just as they were. And just as they are. I want to remember every outfit. Every feature. Every facial expression. Every emotion. But I'm afraid it doesn't work that way. And all too soon I will be looking back, remembering. Again.

A Guided Tour

Okay, who wants a tour of the new house? A show of hands, please? Okay. I thought so.

I took a bunch of "before" pictures last Friday after we closed on the house, and I'm really glad I did. Monday morning our contractors (two brothers from a Loooooooong line of carpenters who still have dad in on the design and budget side of the business) got to work gutting the house and by the end of the day the house was unrecognizable. It was amazing. The guys are work animals. I know it is only the first week, but I think we struck gold finding these guys.

Before I begin this tour I must warn you not to get scared. I think it is saying something that everyone I have taken through the house so far has asked me if I've seen the movie "The Money Pit". Yes, I have. And I don't want to talk about it. ;)

The house has great structure, but everything else needs to go. Remember, this was a foreclosure property. So just bare that in mind, please.
Let's start outside.

(Click to enlarge all photos)

What you can't see in this picture is the wood rot around the windows, the crazy bumpy, cracked driveway, the ugly front porch, and the hideous front door. It doesn't look that bad from this distance but up close it is a hot mess. But, BUT! It is right on top of Lake Michigan. If I just panned to the left of the house you would see it. I forgot to take a shot of that, but we are up on a cliff basically one house away from the lake. We step out of the front door and can see my beautiful lake. And you can hear the waves too. Love that!!!! You all know how much I love my lake. :) If not, see my label on my sidebar for Lake Michigan.

Okay, back to the house. We are staining the white brick to a nice, warm tan color and residing the rest with a warm brown. Gables, new windows, and a new front door will be added and the front porch will get a nice renovation too. The garage is going to be extended into the backyard to make it more like a 4 car garage. It will still look like a two car but will have a ton of space for Todd to have his little workshop, or do whatever it is he wants to do in there.

Let's move inside, shall we?
This is what you see (minus the weird old briefcase someone left there) the minute you walk in the door. It really caught our eye. I love it. Obviously not the dirty carpeting, the nasty wallpaper, or the rusty chandelier, but the structure of it all. We are putting tile (I think slate) in the entrance way, new carpeting on the stairs, a new wood railing, and a fabulous wrought iron chandelier in the center. We are unsure of the wall color as yet, but probably something like a warm tan color.

Now let's go upstairs.

The first room you see at the top of the stairs is the master bedroom. It is really large so I needed to take two views of it.
The patio doors will be taken out and the catwalk outside the doors is being ripped out because it is rotten. We are installing a window to match the rest of the windows on the backside of the house.

The little alcove you see right next to the patio doors will be enclosed and made into a massive walk in closet. There is another walk in closet on the other side of the master but it won't be as big because we are using some of that space to make the master bath bigger.
Here is the crazy master bath as it is now (well, before it was gutted, that is).

And this is the very scary shower that was in the master bath. There was a laundry room behind this wall, so that was knocked down making it one big bathroom that we can easily fit a double sink, toilet, bath, and walk in shower. Very exciting!

Okay. We are moving out of the master bedroom and walking around the open staircase to the other side of the house where the kids' bedrooms and bath is.

The first bedroom you see will be the baby's room. It is bigger than it looks but I only took one picture of it. All of the kids' bedrooms are nice size and have wonderful closet space.

In between the baby's room and Ben's room is the bathroom. It is a nice size bathroom but you can't tell because the vanity (the longest vanity I think I've ever seen) takes up the whole room. We will still have double sinks, but the vanity will be normal size.

Like I said, the other side of the bathroom is where Ben's room will be.

Next to Ben's room is Tommy and Joe's room. It has double closets and the BEST view of Lake Michigan. Lucky little turds.

Now let's go back downstairs. Around the open staircase we go! The railing is really weak and VERY low. Everytime the boys go in the house I pull them to me and don't let them anywhere near it. We are replacing it with a rounded wall which will be much more safe and sturdy, but will still keep that open feel.

At the bottom of the staircase on the lefthand side is an office. I am turning it into a library. Shelves EVERYWHERE.

I think this is one of the rooms I am most excited about. I have always wanted a library/study since Todd took me to London and we stayed at his friend's gorgeous home. He had a library room that I fell in love with and now am going to try and copy.

A built-in desk will be put in where the wetbar currently is.

Walk across the entrance to the right side of the stairs and you will see the formal living room. Todd and I have never been a fan of formal living rooms. They seem to be a waste of space. So, we are making this room our formal dining room.

Walk through the now planned dining room and turn right (it is an L shaped room) and that is where the original dining room was. We are putting up a wall to make the L shape room into two rooms and turning the former dining room into part of our kitchen. Basically where we will put our kitchen table.

This is the view of the kitchen. On the other side of the furthest wall is where we plan to put the kitchen table so we are knocking that wall down to make it all one room. The window on the right will be taken out and we are extended the countertop further and adding a breakfast bar at the end of it.

This is the opposite view of the kitchen, looking at the family room. The patio door will be closed up and moved closer to the kitchen to give us more furniture options. We are also knocking out the right wall of the family room to make the room bigger. The fireplace will get a big overhaul. Those weird flat stones will be knocked out and shelves (I am a huge fan of shelves, by the way) will be built on either side.

And, last but not least, the backyard. It is actually much bigger than it looks in the picture. I just didn't want to back up anymore and wind up in the pool. The pool (on the bottom left of the picture) will be taken out and filled in to have more grass and room for the boys to play. There is a tiki hut and changing room to the right of this picture that is rotten (and has a bees nest in it) will be torn down and we will probably put a playset there for the boys. The shed is also rotten and will be torn down. A few of the trees are rotten and have to be cut down, but the yard will still be encased with trees. I love the privacy. We are also putting up a new fence since, yep you guessed it, the current fence is rotten. The patio will be torn up and a new one put in. Whew! I think that about covers it.

On top of all that I have mentioned, we are also putting in a new furnace and all new duct work (since it had an old boiler system that needed to be replaced anyway), new pipes, adding walls, and taking others out. All new interior and exterior doors and windows too. There is another half bath on the first floor next to the garage entrance (kind of inbetween the library and the family room), along with three nice sized closets. I forgot to take pictures of that area but that is gutted as well. And I didn't take any pictures of the basement because it was just too dark and scary, but we are finishing that off too. There will be a movie room (like a man cave I suppose) and a playroom for the boys. My laundry room will be down there too. Basically everything in the house will be new. It will be like a brand new construction.

*

Saturday we are going to pick out all of our kitchen cabinets, bathroom cabinets, and countertops. Very exciting, people! Also very consuming. I have been dreaming paint colors, furniture, and light fixtures the last few days. I think my brain is at it's capacity now.

*

Tomorrow I will post the first week's gutting progress if you are interested. The house looks so different. Kind of scary that it looks better without the carpeting and everything in it but it really does.

*

Okay. Go ahead now. Tell me how crazy we are. We know. But we also know it will be amazing when it is done. We are so lucky to have found this property at a third of it's value. There is no way we could have afforded this neighborhood (or house) otherwise. Once all the work is done the house will be worth twice the amount of money we put into it. It is very exciting. We are just keeping our fingers crossed that the process continues to go as smoothly and as quickly as it has so far.

(If you got through that extremely long post, I. Am. Impressed! Sorry about the stars at the end here. I think I have too many pictures and my spacing got all messed up)

Belly Shot- 8 Months

With the construction of the new house under way, and the closing date on our house approaching, I finally feel like I have time to focus on the arrival of the little lady. And WOW. I am getting so excited.

I have finally started picking up little items of clothing for baby girl. It helps to take my mom along shopping with me because the woman just can't keep her hands off the cute clothes. She just keeps chucking little outfits in the cart. Very fun.

Of course, I still don't have a room to decorate, or even a dresser to put the clothes in, but I am caring about that less and less. I've decided that until the new house is ready to move into baby girl can sleep in my room in the pack n' play that we currently have. And the changing table that Ben no longer needs can work as a make-shift dresser if I can find some pretty little baskets for it. Just thinking about little things like that gets me so excited. Being able to plan and sort and get ready for another baby. It just makes me overwhelmingly giddy.

I think baby girl senses my excitement lately because she is rolling and kicking nonstop. It is so fun to watch my belly bounce. The other night I had the boys put their hands on my belly so they could feel her hiccups and their eyes became big as saucers. They want her to come out RIGHT NOW, and I have to explain to them over and over that she isn't ready yet and that we want her to stay put for a while longer so she can be healthy and strong. Still, it is hard for them to wait. I must say, I know how they feel.

It's Time

Now that the craziness of last week is finally over with I thought it was about time to deal with the matter at hand. You have been ready for a while, my boy. I know you have. You picked out your unders, your special seat, and your yummy treats. And then you waited patiently for mama to tell you it was time. We waited for you to get used to your big boy bed. We waited for school to finish. We waited for our house to sell. We waited to start the construction on our new house. And now that all of that is under way we will wait no more.

On the potty you go, my man!
You were so excited to try it. And so proud of yourself.
And then, of course, the fear set in. You were not so happy anymore. Just like your brothers, you took to peeing into the potty like a champ, but were terrified of sitting and pooing. If only I could reassure you of how much you will someday love to sit on the potty with a magazine. It seems to be some people's favorite pasttime. You can ask your daddy.

But you just didn't like it.
Your brothers even tried to entertain you with a few fancy dance moves to the tune of Boom Boom Pow. But it didn't help.
You just didn't want any part of it. You wanted off!
So, knowing for sure that you really did have to go, mommy turned into a big meany and told you that you couldn't come off the pot until there was something in the toilet. And we sat. And sat. And sat.
And FINALLY! You did it! Sure you screamed and cried through the whole thing, but you did it! And then later that night you did it again! This time with far less screaming and crying and sitting. Woohoo!!
AND, for the second night in a row, even though you had a pullup on you were dry the whole night. SUCH a big boy. Quite an accomplishment, my man! Way to go! I'm so proud of you!

(And don't worry. I edited out any photo that may have shown a little too much. Everything is hidden in the pictures and the only thing that you may see is the toliet paper that we stuff between his legs to keep him from peeing on himself. So, no need to worry about any pervs out there.)