Monday, June 29, 2009

Drained

As one life prepares to enter this world another prepares to exit.

This past week my dad has gone down hill very quickly. Hospice has been called into the nursing home to help care for him. He can not eat anymore, and has trouble drinking water. He is not responding, talking, or opening his eyes. He has started running a temperature and has trouble breathing too.

Our parish priest came to the nursing home last night and gave dad the Anointing of the Sick (used to be called The Last Rites). When Father told dad that he was there to give him a blessing dad actually moved his head in the direction of Father and nodded his head. Clearly dad is still in there. And it is also clear that his faith and his God continue to be at the forefront of his life.

Dying will be a happy release for dad. He will no longer be stuck in a body that doesn't work. No longer imprisoned by his mind. It will be joyful for him. The daughter he has waited 40 long years to see again will surely greet him, and I am so happy for him. For both of them. But I'm sad for me. It is so final.

Still, life continues to go on. The boys play in the pudgie pool in the backyard. Picnics are attended. Fourth of July parties are planned. Cabinets and colors are picked out for the new house. And this little lady still kicks in my belly. And though it makes me sad to think she will never meet her adoring grandpa, and he will never get to hold my daughter, I comfort myself thinking that perhaps they will meet. Maybe even before I get to meet her. Maybe they will meet when she is on her way in and he is on his way out. And she will actually get to see the angel who will so carefully and diligently watch over her throughout her life.

42 comments:

Mary Beth said...

My office was so not the place to read this. I am so sorry for you and your family. That little lady will have one heck of an angel watching over her! Good thoughts and prayers coming from NJ for you and your mom.

Kelly said...

Oh Kat, I am so sorry. I hate that you are having to go through this, I just can't even imagine. You seem to have such a good outlook on it though. I like the thought that your dad may meet your little girl before you do. If nothing else, you at least know, he'll be watching over her. I hope he doesn't have any suffering.
((HUGS))

painted maypole said...

i'm sorry. i was just thinking of you and your dad yesterday (i was having a conversation with MY parents about alzheimers). prayers for all of you... and knowledge that your dad will be in a joyful place, even as you rightfully grieve his going

CissaLynn said...

Awww!!! Kat!!!! I haven't been posting or keeping up as much recently and I am soooo, soooo sorry to hear about your dad!!! I do think it is precious that your sweet baby girl will most definately meet her adoring granddad who will FOR SURE be her guardian angel thruout her life!!! That feels a little peaceful to me and I hope it brings you a "titch" of peace as well (as much as it can during such a difficult time)! Hang in there, girl!!! I am thinking of you!!!!
Love, Cissa :)

Maryeliz said...

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear. As someone else wrote above, I had just been thinking about your father and hoping he was well. Not sure what to say besides that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. My mom is a hospice worker... so I know that your father will be in very good hands. He sounds like such a very special man. And I liked what you wrote about your daughter and he meeting in the in-between. When my son Daniel was born, I was startled by how _present_ my Nana Vera felt to me in the hospital after his delivery. I really do believe that the people we love look in on us and our children, even after they are with God.

Riahli said...

Oh gosh...tears. Beautifully written, what an emotional time. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

imbeingheldhostage said...

I've been dreading this post, and like the others have been wondering how things were with your dad.
I'm sorry, Kat.
You have posted such wonderful tributes to him, I imagine your daughter will love him through the stories you'll tell and the photos you have. My thoughts and prayers will be with you all.

Laura said...

sending you lots og hugs, love and support.

May God be with you and your family, and your father during these trying times. May you all find peace.

I shed a tear reading your post. It hit home. My Uncle Basil Madigan passed away the day before Madigan was born. We had already chosen her name, and I like to think that they met en route!

HUGS

Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said...

Kat,

Thinking of you and keeping you in prayer.

Tammy said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Sorry to hear about your father.

Hilary said...

It's a heartache knowing that your Dad and your daughter will never meet in this life. I know that well. I'm sorry that your Dad is not doing well. Your image of the two of them sharing time together as they exchange places in the world is lovely. Hold onto that.

Brenda said...

While you might be drained and stressed at this point in time, it's also clear that your love of life, your healthy perspective on this tough transition, and your faith will help you through this. Wishing you strength and comfort.

wright said...

The news about your father saddens me. But he will always be watching over you and your family - whether in this life or the next.

Fellow Wisconsinite said...

That was so beautiful, it brought tears to my eyes. God Bless you and your family, and especially your father and baby girl on the way. :)

Random Musings Of My Life said...

This was so beautifully written, I sobbed tears for you and your family. Losing a loved one is never easy but at least you know he will be in a better place... I will hold you and your family in our prayers.

lime said...

aww kat, i am so sorry to hear it. i am glad you've got faith as a comfort and pray that happy memories and a lot of love also give you peace in this great transition of both life and death.

big hugs

sitting on the mood swing at the playground said...

What a wonderful image of your father and daughter meeting. Prayers to your family.

Kristen said...

Kat I am so sorry. So sorry. Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers these next few weeks. I pray for peace for you and your family.

Sending many hugs your direction.....

Jeni said...

Oh, Kat. What a beautiful way to look at the passing and entry of two souls -branches from the same tree with roots reaching out to each other in a manner of speaking.

I've often thought of you and the issues facing you, your entire family with your Dad and wondered how things were going. Now, I know and it does sadden me think of the what you are going through but yet, with the perspective you have shown here, I am sure that and your faith will do you well in the rougher days ahead. Peace -for you -and yes, peace for your Dad as well.

tweetey30 said...

I got goosebumps reading this post Kat. I know exactly what you mean. Except for me it was there great great grand parents I wanted them to meet so bad. They know there grandparents.

Not Your Aunt Bea said...

I am so sorry Kat. How wonderful he has hospice and such a caring family and church to be with him in the end. I hope they do meet.

Robyn said...

I'm sorry Kat. I am thinking of you.

coastrat said...

During the process of having this baby, you have been beset with so many challenges also wanting and needing your attention and focus. You will continue to come through all OK.

Prayers and hugs come your way as the days pass and life continues to happen. God Bless!

Emily said...

I'm so sorry...praying for your family.

lakeviewer said...

Oh my, you must be all in knots. Preparing for the end must be hellish.

BeautifulWreck said...

This was a beautiful and touching post. Brought tears to my eyes. I often reflected on these things when I was pregnant with my last three children since several family members had gone on before them.

Thinking of your dad tonight.

ewe are here said...

I lost my dad five years ago come August. I was convinced that my oldest, Ramekin, was born on my 'unbirthday' because of his 'influence' the following spring; it was the special day my dad always celebrated in funny little ways with me, and Ramekin was the best ''unbirthday' present I could have ever received. It means a lot to me to know he would have adored my babies.

My thoughts are with you and yours.

Laski said...

My thoughts are with you . . . my FIL passed away just before we found out we were expecting JR.

I like to believe that he guided him to us. For some reason, it made it all a little easier knowing that they were connected.

Krystyn said...

What a blessing that he and you have your faith. That has to help so much.

Your little lady definitely has an angel watching over her.

Elaine A. said...

Thanks for making me cry!

That is such a sweet thought of them passing each other in Heaven.

I will pray for your father and your family for peace at this time Kat.

Karen MEG said...

Oh Kat, I don't know what to say, I'm just crying for you... my Dad did feel better after he had the Anointment of the Sick, it made him feel at peace, I think. It prepared him, and he was ready to go to a place where he was no longer suffering.

I think your Dad will meet your little girl, and will most certainly keep a watchful eye over her, and all of you.

Prayers and hugs to you...

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

I'm sorry to read this. I'll say a prayer for you and your family.

Debbie in CA : ) said...

A difficult time and a delightful time all wrapped into one busy life. How can it be Lord? How can the tears of joy and the tears of sorrow taste to similarly salty?

My prayers for you and your family in the midst of so many transitions. God is good. Your father still knows this and has shared that life-enduring fact with you. Take the gift and share it with your children EVERY DAY.

May God bless you and keep you, sweet friend. You are in my prayers and thoughts often . . . more so, now that I have read this.

XO ~~ Debbie

Tonya said...

I can't even image how hard it would be to see my parents health failing. Praying for you and your family.

Maggie's Mind said...

Oh, Kat, my heart breaks for you. My mom's passing was a release from the imprisonment her body had become, so while it was freedom for her, of course it was painful for us. Still is. Somewhere she watches over the baby I didn't get to hold in my arms, and I find some odd comfort in that, even if I can't explain it. I think you'd get it, and I hope that it does bring you the kind of comfort it brings me. Sending you hugs, my friend.

Lisa said...

oh honey - i'm sorry! sending some love your way! you sound strong...

MamaGeek @ Works For Us said...

Kat, I can't imagine the difficulty of the tug of heart you must be feeling. PLEASE know you are in my heart and prayers.

Sending strength and best wishes your way.

Dawn said...

I'm so sorry Kat. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. That's a beautiful thought, your little lady meeting her angel as she's coming into the world and your Dad is leaving.

Mom24 said...

I'm so sorry for your pain Kat. I'll be keeping you in my prayers. Life can certainly be difficult, can't it? Hang in there.

DysFUNctional Mom said...

Oh, Kat, I am so very sorry. I've been thinking about your Dad.
Like you said, he will be in such a better place, especially considering that he hasn't been himself in so long.
But at the same time, I know it hurts to lose him.
You gave me chills with that last part, about him meeting your daughter. I truly believe she will come into this earth knowing her grandfather's love.
My prayers are with you all. I wish I were closer and could help out somehow.
xoxoxo

April said...

Oh, Kat, this post just tore at my heart. I'm SO SORRY you are going through this...and how hard to be losing one loved one while gaining another one. I really feel for you and am sending lots of *HUGS* your way. I understand.

Annie said...

Sorry about your dad. I hope he and the little lady meet in the middle:)

Words To Live By

Be grateful for each new day.
A new day that you have never lived before.
Twenty-four new, fresh, unexplored hours to use usefully and profitably.
We can squander, neglect, or use them.
Life will be richer or poorer by the way we use today.
Finish every day and be done with it.
You have done what you could;
some blunders and absurdities crept in;
forget them as soon as you can.
Tomorrow is a new day.
You shall begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be
encumbered with your old nonsense.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson