Sunday, September 7, 2008

Church Chat?

It is always a crap shoot to predict how the boys will act in church on any given Sunday. For the most part they are pretty good. An hour is a long time to expect a small child to behave so we try not to be too strict. As long as they are fairly quiet, not climbing on people, and not fighting with each other we consider that pretty good.

This day the boys were all being very well behaved. It was a pleasant surprise because I knew they were tired from getting to bed later than usual the night before. The people in the pews surrounding us nodded and smiled in approval of the boys' good behavior. I nodded my head and beamed back at them as my head swelled. Then, halfway through the mass Tommy began whining that he had to go potty.

"No you don't. You went potty right before we came to church." I reminded him.

"I have to go poop, ma!" Tommy whispered back.

"No you don't." I tested him.

"Yes I do!" Tommy insisted.

Seeing that he wasn't giving up as he usually does when he is faking a potty break I asked Todd to take him to the restroom. A few minutes later Todd and Tommy returned from the bathroom and during one of the most solemn parts of the mass Tommy announced in his NONchurch voice, "Mom! I had a honking huge trucker turd! You should have seen it!"

I blushed a few shades of red, patted Tommy's back as I told him to hush, and listened to the ripple of laughter that spread through the surrounding pews. Head swelling remedied.

69 comments:

Tam said...

OUT of the MOUTH OF boys!!! I am so right there with YOU! LOL But it will make the best things to tell their future wives and KIDS..just add it to the MOMS payback list. LOL LOL LOL LOL

Candy said...

hahahahahahaaahh!!!

that's awesome.

[my boys' first cuss words were proudly exclaimed on church property. Did I mention their dad is the preacher?! hee hee. I'm numb to it by now.]

Kelly said...

OMG , I just about choked on my food. You handled it very well. I would have slithered down onto the floor and died. LOL

Chaotic Joy said...

Oh isn't that just the way of it. Just when you start to think you might be doing a good job they shove a piece of humble pie in your mouth.

This is so funny. I am sure it gave the congregation a nice laugh.

A Buns Life said...

Nothing like putting that pride in check. :) Too funny!

Cassie said...

LOL. I don't think it GETS any funnier than that!

Tiffany said...

Oh my goodness!!! That is hilarious! I love the things kids say and for some reason they save some really good ones for church.

My niece and nephew were recently in church (and they don't go very often) and they were starting to get restless, so my SIL said to my nephew, "shhh, he is talking about Jesus" and my nephew promptly announced, "I don't like Jesus!" in a not so indoor voice. On top of this, this was a church in the south, so you can imagine the looks. Needless to say, they didn't go back!

Chrissy said...

I would bust out laughing if I was sitting behind you in church. I wouldn't even try to hide it.

Also, you are now going to get people visiting your site who googled "huge honking trucker turd".

Jyl @ MommyGossip said...

First of all... thank you so much for your kinder than kind comment on my recent post. I was a little about posting it, so your sweet words made it all worth it.

Now, onto your post. Oh! My! If that didn't make church worth attending for everyone that heard that comment, I don't know what is... well, other than the blessings and learning and all the other standard stuff LOL.

And, I can totally relate about the kids sitting still. I am dedicated to taking them, but it is a test of my patience for sure! In those moments, I am super happy for activity books and treats. Yep! I shut them up with those and hope some of the lessons are getting through the sugar :).

Thanks again for stopping by. I'm bookmarking your blog as we speak.

maggie's mind said...

Oh my gosh. Too funny! I'm trying to imagine and just keep giggling. Kids are funny.

Brittany said...

haaaaaa haaaaaa haaaaaaaaa... oh my!!! So innocent... sooo innocent.

lime said...

ya know, i see god looking down and giggling at that too.

Kristen said...

Priceless! Priceless!!

That is the funniest thing I have heard in a really long time. Sorry that it had to come during Church, but I guess he really did have to go. Although no way I would have let ours either. Would have sworn they were trying to get out of church too!

Again, so sorry this happened to you, but by far, one of the funniest things I have heard! :)

Adventures In Babywearing said...

Oh my goodness! I would have died! But I would have died laughing for sure!

Steph

CissaLynn said...

:))) How embarrassing, yet hysterically funny at the same time!!!!! :))) Having two boys myself, I have been there! :)) I'd say this is one for the books!!! :))

Fire Hunt said...

That is hilarious. Out of the MOUTH of kids.

Dawn said...

Oh my! ;o I'll be laughing about that for a long time!

Danielle said...

Halarious!!! I already now that if my son is anything like my husband, I'm in for it when he finally does start to talk!!

DYSFUNCTIONAL MOM said...

This is one of the best embarrassing kid stories EVER!!!!!!!!
It's about poop, he used a hilarious description...and it happened in church! He has a future as a comedian, no doubt.

anglophilefootballfanatic.com said...

I think this is one to share with Tommy's future wife, don't you? And, Knute actually climbed the altar while in my parents' care and ran up to hug my dad - who was the altar server.

Mom24 said...

That's awesome! Two years ago on Easter Julianna told me she was going to throw up. No you're not I assured her. Then I really looked at her, and realized yes she was. We made it out of the pew--she spewed right in the middle of the aisle, on Easter Sunday, during the communion liturgy right before people had to walk up it to receive communion. Oh yes, we hadn't even been attending this church very long. I'd almost trade places with you. ;-)

C and C Mommy said...

That is sooo funny!! I think you should send that to Reader's Digest. You could win some money for that story.

On vacation, my daughter went to the restroom in the airport with my father. She walked out and announced "I went pee, Pop went poop." My dad turned 10 shades of red....

Kids are so honest when it comes to their bodies!!

Robyn said...

That was priceless.

Molly's Mom said...

OMG...I almost spit my water all over the laptop! HILARIOUS!!

I do think we sometimes need those moments, just to remind us that God has a sense of humor ;)

beth said...

Perfect timing!

MamaGeek said...

Oh that's so stinking hilarious (no pun intended). I mean really, he's just ALL BOY!! Hilarious!

Maureen @ Wisconsin Mommy said...

That is one of those moments you can drag out when he brings home his first serious girlfriend :)

Too funny!

Roxy Wishum said...

I just found your blog by Googling "honking huge trucker turd". That is HILARIOUS! Especially the tag line--"You should have seen it!" What a proud moment.

Roxy Wishum said...

Also, how clever of you to begin the post by saying it is always a "crap shoot".

Kelley said...

:))) Hey, at least he's not constipated, right? That's absolutely hilarious! :)))))

Laura said...

Praise the Lord for little boys...and the wonderful things they say...in the most oportune times!!!

HEE HEE!!!!

Texan Mama @ WhoPutMeInCharge said...

So funny! At least it wasn't your husband who said it. Now THAT would've been something to blush about!

Kellan said...

Oh, that is hysterical! Poor mom! Cute story, though!

Have a good week, Kathryn - see you soon - Kellan

Rachel said...

And this will be one of your family's favorite stories for years to come.

When I told the pastor at 4 years old that I was late because I couldn't find my damn purse.

Yep, that was told at my great grandmother's funeral, my grandfather's memorial and at every subsequent family gathering. It makes everyone grin and me blush and giggle.

What a blessing kids are.

painted maypole said...

hysterical! and... "crap shoot" appropriate phrase. ;)

once, in church, MQ was lying on the floor coloring... in the front of the sanctuary sort of off to the side right in front of where I was sitting. she had peeled the paper off of a crayon and, in the middle of the sermon, held up the crayon and said, rather loudly "look mom, the crayon is naked!" I nodded and shushed her, trying not to laugh. She then held the crayon higher and insisted "NAKED!!!!!!" The lady next to me and I laughed so hard we cried. I don't know how the pastor kept talking.

but your story... even funnier.

Wendi said...

That. was. hilarious.

I mean sorry it happened to you, but thanks for the laughs.

Crystal Jigsaw said...

Kids are wonderful for causing embarrassment!! Great story.

I remember when Amy did the loudest fart in church once, she was a baby and of course couldn't have cared less!

CJ xx

Kimmy said...

Kids say the darndest things! Who needs entertainment when you have children? Funny story!!!!

Kimmy

Stephanie said...

Oh. My. Gosh! I would have died laughing right along with the other members of the congregation. Unless of course I was you and then I would have died of utter and total embarrassment. Oh the things kids say!

Rebecca Ramsey said...

Hilarious! My youngest is famous for saying things like that in a quiet moment in church. Or passing gas. Sometimes I wish the acoustics weren't so great in there!
Becky

Girl said...

Oh my gosh, that's hilarious!!

Tonya said...

That is too funny and makes me very glad that our church has something for kids all the way through 9 years old during the service!

Tara@From Dawn Till Rusk said...

that has got to be one of the best embarassing moment stories I've heard in ages - well done for riding the storm!
Many thanks for your visit, I really appreciate it.
Three boys! You're either some kind of saint or are hiding your insanity very well!

Jill said...

I just read that and laughed so loud my husband asked what was going on.

That is hysterical. I love kids comments..

Jeni said...

Too funny, just too darned funny! Gotta love the things kids say, for sure, don't 'cha? Maya was acting up a bit one Sunday in church and Mandy grabbed her by the wrist -not hard, not pinching, squeezing or anything, just caught her by the wrist and Maya -in the normal kids 'stage whisper' that they always seem to know to use in church said "OUCH! Stop pinching me! You're hurting me!" And we could see two pews in front of us, two couples, our neighbors, all four of them sitting there with their shoulders shaking as they were giggling at Mandy's minor dilemma. That sounds like something my son would have announced, with great pride too, I bet, had a similar situation ever arisen with him. I agree that you should submit that to RD for their humor column of things kids have said.

Lisa said...

That had me LOL! I bet you wanted to crawl under the pew!!! But think of what a great story that will be to tell Tommy's girlfriends some day!!!

PS - Any news on the house?

Hilary said...

No doubt he made everyone's day. You couldn't get much better behaved than that! :)

Burgh Baby said...

At least he said "turd," right? I mean, he could have dropped the S bomb right in the middle of church!

Too funny!

Cyndi said...

Why do boys insist on describing what goes on in the bathroom? I mean, leave it in there. That is a good story to remember for later on down the line when he thinks YOU are the embarassing one.

Tammy said...

The things kids say...how innocent and cute. :)

P.S. I tagged you for a meme post.

Catwoman said...

HILARIOUS!!!!

Jaysi said...

That is too funny!

Beck said...

OH NO. And hahaahaha.
There was one time that The Baby made monkey noises ALL THROUGH CHURCH. Now we just don't bring her.

Anna-b-bonkers said...

Ha, ha,I would be crawling under a pew!
Out of the mouths of babes, too funny!

Bren said...

That is the funniest thing I've read all day!

The "trucker" part is what's cracking me up the most.

Sandy C. said...

ROFL!!!
Oh man...they always have impeccable timing don't they ;)

OHmommy said...

That. Is awesome.

Lindsay said...

LOL - that is HILARIOUS....not so much for you, but for me it was. :)

Shrinky said...

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaa, oh, that is PRICELESS!

My brood are older now (youngest is 11), and they have successfully ground me down to the point to where I am now happily beyond embarassment anymore.

(I'm planning on getting my own back in my dotage.. teehee.)

the dragonfly said...

Ahh, the joys of being a boy. :)

imbeingheldhostage said...

That's the best!

Krystyn said...

Oh, wow! You must have died...and then you probably shared a hushed chuckle with the rest of them, right?

Tiaras & Tantrums said...

oh - don't you just love the unabashed honesty of children!!

Nap Warden said...

Oh my!!!

LaskiGal said...

I hate to say it, but I'd just bet that woke a few people up.

They may forget what the sermon was about, but they won't forget Tommy . . .

April said...

ROFL That is HYSTERICAL!!!

Karen said...

Kids are good for that! Ha ha!

Cara said...

OMG that is too funny. I am in for some of that soon. I have two nephews who a few years ago were so into their body functions and annoucing them all the time.

Karen Deborah said...

hilarious! never ignore a child that needs to poop, the consequences can be deadly!
Too funny.

Words To Live By

Be grateful for each new day.
A new day that you have never lived before.
Twenty-four new, fresh, unexplored hours to use usefully and profitably.
We can squander, neglect, or use them.
Life will be richer or poorer by the way we use today.
Finish every day and be done with it.
You have done what you could;
some blunders and absurdities crept in;
forget them as soon as you can.
Tomorrow is a new day.
You shall begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be
encumbered with your old nonsense.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson