My head hurts. I'm thinking too much. But I can't stop it. It just keeps spinning and spinning. Do we move, or do we stay? I just don't know. I'm beginning to loose sleep over it. I keep thinking of all the work that goes into selling a house, buying a new house, and then *nightmare* moving. Every time we are ready to put an offer on the house I second guess myself. Is it simply because of all the work that would need to be done? Am I really that lazy? Or am I being too emotional?
The house we looked at has most of the things we want in a home. Still, the thought of leaving this house is hard. And I know I can't make this decision on emotions alone. Clearly our house is not everything that we need. It is small. Only 1500 square feet. It has a one car garage that I can't even fit the minivan in. It has a smallish yard, and only 2 and a half bedrooms (very, very small 3rd bedroom) with little closet space. Still, we made it our own. We updated the baths, the kitchen, and just about every other room too. We painted it the way we like it and it feels like home.
This other house, well, it's great. It has a massive yard, three car garage, FIVE bedrooms, a fireplace (which we've ALWAYS wanted), three full baths, a second floor laundry room, an obscene amount of closet space and storage, and a master suite with two big closets. The kitchen is just okay compared to ours. The family room is a bit small. And the basement is not finished which would have to be done.
My house right now is just a few short blocks to my beloved Lake Michigan. We take walks around the neighborhood, through the cemetery (don't be creeped out, it is really beautiful and peaceful and I have many relatives including my sis buried there, and grew up walking through it), and of course past the lake. My mom lives 4 blocks away. We have great neighbors. When the boys get older (if we could stay in the house that long) they could walk or bike to school it is so close. We are only 12 years away from paying off this house and the mortgage payment is far less than a new house would be. Obviously.
The new house is not even in the city. It is in the town. It is only about 8 minutes from where we live now but somehow it seems farther. Still, Iknow it would be a nice compromise to Todd wanting to live in the country and me wanting to live in the city. There is a nice bike trail half of a block from the house that leads to a lovely park so at least we would have a nice walking/biking path and a park to play at. And there are lovely cornfields (no more Children of the Corn movies for me!) surrounding the subdivision. It is quiet and serene. But my lake. Ugh. I know I would drive by the lake every time I dropped the boys off at school, and we could play there and swim there anytime, but the walks to the lake after dinner would be no more. *sniff, sniff*
What a complete spazz I am being. I do realize that, you know. I bet all the military families reading this right now are thinking, "Shut your freaking hole, you spoiled brat!" And they'd be right! It is not like I'd be moving to another country for heavens sake! Get a grip, right?
But, my house. Oh my house. The first year here it was just hubby and I. We started out with nothing here. We made this house our own. We learned how to be parents here. I brought my babies home from the hospital to this house. I rocked them to sleep upstairs. I lay on the floor in the sunroom with them and snuggled. I breastfed them in the living room. Their first baths were in the clawfoot tub upstairs. They took their first steps in our living room. They had their first solid foods in our kitchen. They had their first popsicles on our front porch. We've had 6 Christmases here. Blah, blah, blah....
Maybe I should think about this when I don't have PMS.