Tuesday, August 28, 2012


I kinda want to cry.

I feel like I am on a merry-go-round, going faster and faster, hanging on with just my hands as my feet fly out from under me.  Desperate to hang on even as the ride tries to fling me off.  Part of me just wants to let go and fly off.

Ben's surgery was rough.  It was much harder than I anticipated.  The anesthesia really did a number on him and made him miserable.  He couldn't stop puking.  They wouldn't let us leave the hospital (even after that department had closed down) because they were worried he would get dehydrated.  Finally after about 10 hours I convinced them to let me take Ben home (where he continued to vomit).  

The next day was better but his poor eyes were a mess.  Proceed to the picture with caution.  

Consider yourself warned:

At least at his point he could keep some dry cereal and water down.

Today we had the follow up doctor appointment to see how the surgery went.  While Ben's eyes look good (meaning no infection or torn stitches) the surgery may not have been as successful as we had hoped.  From here we wait and see if his eyes adjust even more as they heal.  It was not what we wanted to hear and kind of sent me spinning.  I feel nauseous.  I just can't imagine telling him he needs to do this all over again in a few months.

I realize I need to keep this in perspective.  In the grand scheme of things I suppose this is not the biggest deal in the world.  Still.


Kelly said...

If it's any consolation at all, after both Noah and Aiden's surgeries, they had a horrible reaction to the anesthesia and came out of it screaming bloody murder and thrashing around for a half hour or more. It was so scary because it seemed like they weren't even aware we were there with them. Both of my kids vomited after not but as bad as Ben. Poor little guy. I hope and pray you get good news and that the surgery did indeed do what it was supposed to. I'd for you both to go through that again.

Kat said...

Kelly- Thanks.
The thing is Ben was so sweet and calm and tried to be so good about it all. On his way down to surgery (I wasn't allowed to go with him and most kids cry and freak out) he was joking with the nurses and being silly. And then when he woke up from surgery he just asked for his mom and they brought him right back to his room (where I was). Even though he kept vomiting he was so sweet and good about it. He just tried to sleep but he was miserable. All the nurses were saying he was their favorite patient. The next day he told me how scared he was because he got so sick. Poor kid. Heartbreaking. I'm praying he doesn't have to do it again. :(

Hilary said...

Kat, my motherly heart goes out to you. You're right that in the whole scheme of things, this is one of those surgeries that is small.. but for a mother, there's no such thing.

I'm sorry that your sweetie felt so sick afterward and that the healing prognosis was less than you hoped for. Don't forget how very resilient kidlets are, and how the young tend to live in the moment and not think ahead too much.

Ben might need reassurance that feeling sick means .. feeling sick and not being sick. The distinction being that he was in a hospital, and folks who are sick in that space are in a bad way.

When my older son (now 25) was four, he had the flu, and vomited for the first time ever (in his awareness). My mother was ill and dying at that time. There was a lot of stress in our family. He was so taken by surprise about what was happening to his body that he asked "What is this??" I tried to reassure him that it happens to everyone at some point and I referred to it as just being sick. His eyes widened and filled with panic. "Is it the kind of sick like Nanny? Am I going to die?"

That kind of concern could have partially been behind Ben's fear. If he needs to go through the operation again (and I sure hope he doesn't) remind him that vomiting is just a reaction to the drugs in his body and though unpleasant, it isn't dangerous.

My above-mentioned son, who lives clear across the country is in surgery as I type. He also has a tendency to vomit after anesthesia. It's only a hernia, and I know he'll be fine but I'm still very anxious to hear from him when it's done. We mothers never outgrow that sort of thing.

Hugs to you and your sweet Ben.

Kat said...

Hilary- Thank you so much. Such a lovely and helpful comment.
You are exactly right. About all of it.
Ben was mad at the doctors at first for making him so sick but I had to explain that it is just the medicine they had to use and that once it is out of his system he will be fine again. I always try to stress to my kids (even when it is just the flu) that this feeling won't last forever. I think sometimes when kids are sick they can't imagine ever feeling better but I always try to give them a timeline to make it seem attainable. "When you wake up in the morning" or something like that.
Sending prayers for your boy in surgery and for his anxious mama all the way across the country (that has to be hard even if they are grown)!

Mom24 said...

Oh Kat! I have nothing helpful or insightful to say, just know I'm thinking of both of you and praying. If you do have to repeat, make sure they remember what a hard time he had, maybe they can change things up so he doesn't get so sick.

Kat said...

Mom24- Thanks! We'll definitely take the prayers! :)

imbeingheldhostage said...

Oh Kat, maybe in the grand scheme this isn't the biggest concern in the world, but it is to you- so no apologies. I can't even imagine what you've been going through- just reading it was making me lightheaded. You are a strong Momma! Sending love and prayers your way x

imbeingheldhostage said...

Oh Kat, maybe in the grand scheme this isn't the biggest concern in the world, but it is to you- so no apologies. I can't even imagine what you've been going through- just reading it was making me lightheaded. You are a strong Momma! Sending love and prayers your way x

Jill said...

Oh look at those sweet eyes ... poor munchkin. Poor mama!

Anesthesia sure is fun, isn't it? Sounds like you had just as grand a time as we did! We were thankful for the Phenergan - the only thing that stopped the puking (though it knocked her OUT for the entire day).

Here's hoping your little man heals quickly - and that the outcome turns out to be better than you expected!

david mcmahon said...

Hi Kat,

As a parent who's been through this, let me reassure you - there is no such thing as minor surgery when it's your child on the operating table.

God bless him and his siblings.

Keep smiling.

Jeni said...

What a bum deal to have the anesthetic make him sick! But boy, what a trooper he had to have been and that's a big, big blessing right there -for all concerned, but especially for him. Most every parent has at one time or another had to deal with minor -or even major -surgery for their children and yes, it's heart wrenching to watch them be wheeled away and the aftermath too. But in the long term, should this (or even other surgery) be needed again, best advice I would offer you is to keep on keeping on, doing what you do best which is to provide a positive front for him (or the other kids if they need anything done sometime too.) Just knowing that Mom is there, to comfort and cuddle as needed, is what ultimately helps them the most. And you do a terrific job in that department!

Carol said...

Oh, Kat....I know your fear, your pain, your heart. Anytime a child has surgery, is in pain, hurts.....a mother's heart aches. Please know that I have added Ben to my daily prayer list~ Love and hugs to you~xo

Krystyn @ Really, Are You Serious? said...

Oh, Ben. I'm so sorry he was sick and icky from the anesthesia. It's the worst. I'm praying that the surgery was more successful then the doctors think and that every day shows more and more improvement.

Tonya said...

I just got updated with your blog. Oh man I wish I would of read this sooner. I'm so sorry Ben reacted so badly to the anesthesia. My hubby and his family doesn't do well with it either. Fortunately we haven't had to try it on our kids just yet.

Riahli said...

Awwwwwww Ben, sweet boy. So sad he had such a awful reaction! When Atty has his muscle biopsy he freaked out when he was waking up and puked for a while as well, it's hard on a mom, my heart goes out to you.

lime said...

oh my goodness. poor little guy. that really does sound rough and wow, it looks really painful! my oldest girl had the puking reaction when her tonsils were out and i have the same problem with anesthesia. i have found that water with some lemon in it helps settle my belly though and LOTS of vitamin C helps it all clear out of the system a bit faster. i know it's too late to help now but file that away just in case you need it down the road. hugs.

Elaine A. said...

My heart goes out to him and YOU too of course. I'm sorry it did not go as well as expected. I hope he continues to improve and that it is not necessary to do the surgery again. Sending love and prayers...

Wisconsin Girl said...

So sorry to hear it was such an unpleasant experience. I pray he heals well and that his eyes continue to adjust as they should. It's so hard to see our kids go through these things...but knowing he has you and his family there for him has to make a big difference in how he handles it. Praying all goes well from here:)

Words To Live By

Be grateful for each new day.
A new day that you have never lived before.
Twenty-four new, fresh, unexplored hours to use usefully and profitably.
We can squander, neglect, or use them.
Life will be richer or poorer by the way we use today.
Finish every day and be done with it.
You have done what you could;
some blunders and absurdities crept in;
forget them as soon as you can.
Tomorrow is a new day.
You shall begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be
encumbered with your old nonsense.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson