Friday, November 21, 2008

You Dissin' Me, Homie?

After much pestering, bugging, begging, and pleading from my friends I finally set up a Facebook account a few weeks ago.

I was staunchly opposed to Facebook for a long time. Number one, I already have a blog that sucks up all of my free time. How would I keep up? Number two, I don't like to join something because people are telling me too. It is just the stubbornness in me. I don't want to be a follower. Number three, I had a "Facebook Sucks" badge on my blog for the longest time because Facebook made a member take down pictures of her breastfeeding her child because they thought the pictures were obscene or something. It made me mad. Still does, actually.

However, so many of my friends who live far away have Facebook accounts. I really did want to know what they were up to, how they were doing, so I joined. Okay? I'm a joiner. I did it. I went against what I said I wouldn't do, and I did it anyway. I am a follower. Ugh.

And you know what? I love it. It is like a high school reunion without all the primping and nervousness. I have met up with SO MANY of my high school friends on Facebook. It is a blast. I LOVE hearing from people I haven't seen since high school. It really has been fun. And convenient!

Here is where it gets interesting. I was so excited when I saw a long-lost friend was on Facebook and I sent him a friend request right away. We dated for a year in high school and then when he went to college we grew apart and broke up. We didn't talk much after the break up and then a year or so later we ran into each other, started talking again, and became great friends. We were friends much longer than we ever dated. We lived in different states so we would hang out occasionally but mostly talk on the phone or email. He was a great friend, and I don't remember how (I think it was when Todd and I got engaged), but we just lost touch.

So, here is the thing. It has been a few weeks now and he never responded to my friend request. So I sent him a message saying, "What's up, homie????" and still have not received anything. Am I being dissed here, or is it just my imagination? It is actually kind of funny. I think I am being avoided. What the? Dude, you used to be such a good friend. You REALLY don't want to talk to me? What is UP with that?

It makes me wonder. Did we stop talking because I got engaged? Was that it? Because I know I lost almost all of my guy friends when I became engaged. I always thought they were such good friends and then once I was engaged they just kind of disappeared. I expected it with some of my guy friends, but not this one. It makes me wonder if the whole guys and girls can't be friends thing is true or not. Hmm.

What do you think? Am I being dissed? Avoided? Do you think guys and girls can be friends?

45 comments:

Stephanie said...

Well, I learned from personal experience if the guy disappears from you life when you get a fiance or husband and he's not gay, he was most likely interested. Perhaps this is the case? Even if it doesn't seem that way, do you think it was possible?

Or maybe he just hasn't checked his friend requests.

Or has a jealous wife now who'll scratch his eyes out if he "friends" a pretty gal like you?

Or maybe he was really gay all along?

Kat said...

Stephanie- You know what??? I always suspected he was gay. It is so funny you mentioned that. I mean, he liked girls A LOT, but I think he could easily be gay too. But so what? I don't care if he is gay or straight or both. I just want to see how he is doing. Ya know?
Or maybe it is the jealous wife thing. hehe That one made me laugh. ;)

Not Your Aunt Bea said...

Can you see how active his FB account has been? There are some people who set up an account ages ago and don't check in but once a month or something. I think that would give you a better idea of what's up with him.

Totally love FB. And all the applications (esp. sending drinks, superpoke, and the new Christmas games). And playing games with people that live far away. it's a nice way to catch up and keep in touch. But a total time suck.

OHmommy said...

LOL. I feel the same way about FB, before and after. It does feel like high school...

Candy said...

I would let it go and stop talking to him. I had the EXACT SAME situation happen on Myspace a few years ago, and it was because HIS WIFE was the one controlling the account. So from then on- I just stopped talking to my old guy friends unless they said something to me first. Online ex-girlfriends is really sticky territory with some wives. (i see both sides)

This is crazy because I just jumped on the Facebook wagon THIS WEEK as well! I love it!!

okay...FYI: I have NO BLOG right now, and my e-mail doesn't work. (long story)...but I will come back by and say Hi when I get it set up again:-)

EatPlayLove said...

Sometimes people need a bit to ease into something, especially if he did have feelings for you. Or hopefully it's just that he's gay and doesn't want you seeing him parading around in drag! (which I have found out about some of my old friends)

I was set against FB, thinking ah it's not for me.

I was totally wrong. I love it, I have been back in touch with so many people that really made me who I am today. And I even got a trip with a girlfriend to NYC out of it!

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

I'm not a facebooker, and I have NO interest in connecting with people from my sordid past lives. That said, I can only imagine he either has a) fiercely jealous wife or b) fear of your hubby. I can't imagine anyone not wanting to be your homie;)

Rebecca Ramsey said...

You know, it really could be the jealous wife thing. A few years ago I tried to get in touch with an old boyfriend--just to say hi and how are you (it'd been over twenty years, for heaven's sake) but a mutual friend said that he probably didn't write back because his wife was terribly jealous. What? It makes me sad. But oh well.

Robyn said...

I'm just getting into facebook, but I haven't found a whole lot of friends on there. I am meeting 2 for dinner in a couple weeks so that will be fun.
My guess is he just hasn't checked his account or whatnot, one of my fiends took a few days to answer my request.

Dawn said...

I've enjoyed finding some old friends on Facebook as well. I can't imagine why anyone would purposely diss you..did you break his heart?

Brittany said...

I <3 my FB account. I have loved finding long lost friends. I have a guy I dated in HS who dissed me, on there, too. hahaha. C'mon...we're both married now! GROW UP! haha.

we need to be friends on there. Look me up! :)

sinzin01 at email dot franklin dot edu (I won't diss you!)

Tammy said...

My friends talked me into joining FB this summer. I just really started get into it. I even got my family to sign up and it is fun seeing how people are doing. Hope your friend isn't dissing you.

Kelli @ Gohn Crazy said...

Yep Baaaahhhh me too. Just too many long losts to not join. But like you said it's great for reconnecting. I'm not sure, but it does sound like avoidance.

Beck said...

He's likely avoiding you. Don't be hurt - my husband would be one sorry fella if he put any long-lost flames on his Facebook friend list.
Or the other option, which is that he never, ever checks his facebook account and has his settings so that he doesn't get emailed notifications.

Mel said...

LOVE facebook...I've reconnected with some faces from high school...and met two of the most special people I could ever hope to know...I'm THANKFUL for them. ;)

Gotta run...my blessings are screaming at each other...enjoy your weekend!

Kat said...

I personally think he is dissing me. Or not checking his account. I don't think he is married. But I'm not sure. Hmmm.
But fine. Diss away. I'll just have to tell myself that you are still secretly in love with me. HAHAHA! ;)

Dawn- No. I didn't break his heart. It all happened pretty naturally. And I think ours was a fun high school relationship and we liked each other a lot but never thought we'd be serious. So a friendship seemed pretty natural.

Kat said...

Oh. And hubby is a pretty jealous fellow, but even he isn't jealous of this friendship. It is one of those. I told you, I really think he could be gay. ???
Anyway, I would never talk to someone that I thought hubby would be uncomfortable with me doing so.

imbeingheldhostage said...

I wouldn't read anything into it at all. I signed on MONTHS ago and only have just now started doing anything with it.
Seriously, dude.

CC said...

Um, yes you're being dissed. Sorry.

I love Facebook. I've been doing it for more than a year. I've finally convinced other stragglers in join. I've met up with so many long-lost friends!

Kelly said...

Maybe he doesn't log in much.

I joined Facebook awhile back just to see what the hype was and didn't do much with it. Then I got addicted and found so many people from college and have had a blast with it ever since. I'll have to look for you on there.

maggie's mind said...

So far I've avoided getting sucked into Facebook, even if I did create an account. I'm trying to keep it that way, but I'll succumb. We all do. ;)

Hmmm, not sure what the story is with the guy friend. Maybe he hasn't logged in to see your friend request, or maybe there is more to it. I do think that guys and girls can be friends, but it's a sometimes thing because too often there are feelings on one side or the other. Maybe he liked you more than you knew... You'll have to keep us posted if he responds!

Bug-N-Bee said...

After this long you'd think he'd be "over it" if he was feeling more at that point when you got engaged.

I'm actually friends with former boyfriends, a former fiance... We've all grown up, moved on and gotten over ourselves (which is how it should be). I'm even friends now with people I didn't say two words to in school.

I love Facebook because I have friends all over the country, Canada...maybe even beyond that. I also keep up with the younger generation of my family.

Anyway, if he is dissing, his loss at having a friend. And a good friend at that I'd guess.

Kelley said...

Hmm, no idea. Interesting, though.

My husband and most of my family are on Facebook, but I haven't set up an account. I'm just too busy to add one more thing.

Rachel said...

Could be he couldn't handle your newfound happiness. It happens.

He may not check his account often. I'll go a month or more without looking at mine. So he may not intentionally be dissing you.

I had the Facebook Sucks up forever too. MWAH

Trying to Stay Calm! said...

I am new here! What a great blog :)

david mcmahon said...

Always give 'em the benefit of the doubt, homie

But we know that, right? We're parents. Yes, we know that!

Elaine A. said...

This sort of happened to me, but in real life with a guy whose feelings I did not reciprocate. But now, we are friends on FB and we're both married with 2 little boys! HA!

Sorry if you are being "dissed." You're such a great online friend too! : )

giveitawhirl said...

Facebook is soooo different than blogging! I joined a couple few weeks back and it IS a high school reunion! I dissed a couple of people who sent me friend requests because I knew I really had nothing to say to them anymore. what do you say to people you haven't seen in twenty years and really weren't friends with in the first place?
The St. Louis Post Dispatch did an article on Facebook yesterday saying how "studies have shown" Facebook is good for teenagers social skills! LOL! Their (our) FB is our old 3 way calling!

Cara said...

I know some people that have facebook accounts but barely get onto them. Or maybe he would get in trouble with a wife or girlfriend.

I keep in touch with my siblings and cousins on facebook.

Jaysi said...

That is so funny. People have been bugging me about Facebook too...now my mom has an account so I feel like a loser :( Oh well.

What is up with the diss??? I mean at least he could respond and then just never talk to you on facebook...right?

Chrissy said...

Hmmmm...intriguing. Very curious. I would vote for the less-dramatic 'he's just not ever on FB, it's nothing personal' theory.

I am now going to stalk you on FB...I know I have your last name in an old email somewhere. don't say no!

Kellan said...

I think he is probably avoiding you - but, he will eventually respond when he feels comfortable. Ooooh, I need to get me a FB account - look up some of my old boyfriends - how fun - tee hee!

Have a good weekend - Kellan

Karen MEG said...

I've had a FB account for ages and initially I was all over it...but it got weird for me when my ex tried to friend me after a few e:mails...at least in my experience, I couldn't stay friends with him (it didn't end well; even his more recent e:mails had a creepy flavour to them... so I ignored his friend request.)

Not to say that your friend is avoiding you necessarily... it could be, like others said, that he doesn't check that often. I'm not on there nearly as much as I was when I first signed up.

Kat said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Chris said...

I think the entire planet just got on to Facebook.
Men and women can be friends, absolutely. I've always had many friends that are women/girls -- and no, I'm not gay! It's a matter going in to the situation, understanding boundaries,and also understanding how much you could lose, by going places you shouldn't -- so you never go there. For me, the things I could lose, by keeping up an inappropriate relationship are too precious. But, a friend should be a friend -- no matter the gender (or any other factor).
Well, that was a rambling response.
Having said that, I guess you have to respect that maybe he feels that he can't keep the relationship in the right perspective. It probably has nothing to do with you, it's probably all him.
Did that make ANY sense?
I'll try to write a little longer next time.

Fire Hunt said...

He has not been on, You will hear from him soon.

Kat said...

It really is no big deal either way. Diss or no diss. Doesn't matter. I just thought it would be nice to hear how he has been. Tis all.
:)

Anglophile Football Fanatic said...

I will have to come & find you on FB. You know Billy Crystal said it, Sally. It can't happen. I have seen exes on FB, but I have no desire to "befriend" them.

Danielle said...

I think it has to do with the unspoken silly rule that once you get married friends of the opposite sex (unless you have couple friends that are also married) just aren't friends anymore. Why? I don't know but that seems to be the case with alot of married people!!!!

Tonya said...

I would click on the view friends on his page. If he doesn't have very many it is probably because he doesn't ever go on. I have a friend who signed up and hasn't done a thing with her account. Maybe that is all there is too it. If he has lots of friends then you are probably being avoided.

Momisodes said...

I hope he's not dissing you. I certainly think women and men can remain friends. Especially online.

I hear from some ex's every now and then just to say "hey! how's it going."

Although, he could just be neglecting his FB account. I do that all the time with Myspace. I don't long on for months on end.

Nissa said...

hahaha.. I laugh because this is EXACTLY like my first post ever on my blog. It was the reason I ever wrote. To vent about an old boyfriend/friend who deleted my friend request on Classmates, yet I was positive he checks out my Myspace regularly.

But as Sandy said, he could just have not been on lately. I neglect my Facebook and Myspace a lot. It can be a month between log ons.

Lisa said...

I bet he hasn't logged on- he'd never diss a wonderful girl like you!

Roxy Wishum said...

My guess is that he still likes you and will be thrilled whenever he logs into Facebook (if he can remember the password) and discovers your friend request.

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