Monday, August 4, 2008

The Sober Post

This is the post where I write my retraction. Okay. Maybe not so much a retraction as a clarification. I think my last post came out sounding completely different than I had intended. That's what I get for writing at 2 in the morning with a buzz. Huh, huh.

You want to know the truth? I really don't care that much about dancing again. Really. I think what hit me most as I watched So You Think You Can Dance on Saturday night (over and over and over again) was the clarity of getting older. How back in the day being a dancer had always been a possibility. But now, at my age (can I really say that?), it isn't even in the realm of possible. I think that is what hit me. I'm old. Okay. Not really. But sometimes it surprises me how old I am already.

I never wanted to be a singer or dancer professionally. I think it is a tough life. But every once in a while I wonder how good I would have gotten if I had given myself the chance. In the end it doesn't really matter. Because if it didn't bring me back to exactly where I am today then I wouldn't want to do it anyway.

I have never been one of these women that Oprah has sobbing on her show lamenting how she lost herself, or that she didn't know who she was anymore. Those kind of statements always floor me. I don't understand how you can loose who you are simply because you are doing something different than you used to. I know exactly who I am. I know exactly what I like. What my interests are. What I'm good at. I spent 26 years finding all of that out. Taking time to do whatever I wanted to do when I wanted to do it. And that person is still there regardless of if I get to express those interests or not. Those interests are not dead, they are just on hold for a while.

I really do believe that there is a season for everything. This is the season of my family. I want to suck up as much of these moments with my young family as I can. Because these are the moments that matter. These are the moments that I want my life to be about. No matter how long I live, or what else I do, nothing will compare with raising my children.

And that is the truth.

49 comments:

Kathryn said...

Oh yeah. One more thing. Thank you all for your enthusiasm! I appreciate the support.

As far as the classes go I think I would rather take yoga. Dance classes and yoga classses are just so flipping expensive. So if I had to pick I think I'd pick yoga.

Although ever since hubby and I started watching Dancing with the Stars we have been talking about signing up for a ballroom dancing class together. Maybe we will finally do that. I think that would be a blast. And I already know quite a bit of ballroom because my dad taught me. Still, it would be tons of fun to do that with the hubby. Maybe I'll look into that today. :)

Mark Salinas said...

Thank you for sharing! Yoga is on my short list....never participated in even one class YET!

Lisa said...

That is the truth, for sure. Can you imagine life without the family? When I look at my girls I see so much off me - they are my everything, you know?

I do love SYTYCD though. Who are your favorites? I'll be so sad when it's over this week!

just jamie said...

Again, I'm feeling ya on this post.

Dawn said...

"No matter how long I live, or what else I do, nothing will compare with raising my children."
I love this statement...it's the way I feel as well.

Elaine A. said...

Damn reality checks. I know what you mean about things like SYTYCD making you fell older...

I love what you said about "the season of my family." Just beautiful, and true.

Wendy said...

I also don't understand the Oprah woman claiming they've "lost themselves." You still have the same interests (and can even develop new ones!), you just have to change your priorities for a little while. (And looking back, time certainly is fleeting while the kids are little.)

"No matter how long I live, or what else I do, nothing will compare with raising my children." Beautiful!

Krystyn said...

Being mom is definitely the most important job!

And, I think the lessons with your hubs would be a great idea, too! What a way to stay connected.

Stephanie said...

I think you have just managed to relate to just about all of us mommies ou there. Right on girl!

Bren said...

Amen, sistah! These are the moments that matter!

I'd love to take some Latin ballroom classes but doubt if I'll ever have time.

Mom24 said...

I understand completely. It's one thing to choose a path, it's another to know that the other paths are closed to us forever. It rarely feels good to know our choices are narrowing (even if we wouldn't choose anything else) especially for a stupid reason like getting older! lol. I'm having a hard time knowing I'm never going to get to have small children again. That really is hard for me to deal with. I will miss that for a long, long time.

maggies mind said...

I don't see any harm in having a few drinks and dreaming about life as a dancer extraorinaire, whether you decide to take classes or not. Your head is in the right place, always. I do think ballroom dancing with the man sounds like fun!!

EatPlayLove said...

well I just have to say Kathryn, I don't think taking an hour or two at most a week and having some time for yourself (like a dance class) would completely negate that you are a wonderful mother.

I don't think it needs to be Either*Or personally.

Catwoman said...

For the record? I thought your drunk post was hilarious. Because I've done that before, watched a show while drinking and thought to myself I'm totally going to become a (insert whatever the show's about!)

So sure, you'll never become a professional dancer. But the odds would have been really, really small even younger and without kids (or in my case, nil to none, since I have absolutely zero rythm).

kirsty815 said...

Your already a dancer, your dancing to the song of life. So turning on the radio and boogying on down with your kids isn't exactly dancing with the stars but it's just as rewarding. ~wink~

Don't ya hate what happens when you have a drink or two, soooo been there with my sangria but I try and stay away from the laptop..lol

imbeingheldhostage said...

ok, lecture retracted then...

Chaotic Joy said...

Sniff sniff. This post was so great. Thanks for writing it.

krissy said...

Yeah....Dido on that girl. Although I still have fantasies about being a dancer. My fantasies usual include a pole.

I feel the same way about Farve. I wonder how much of this is a ploy. Publicity. It has happened before with other huge name football players. I still love the guy and think that he still has heart for the game but I see where you are coming from. And I also wonder how much influence the team had on Farve retiring since they all think he is old. I don't know. I still love the guy.....can't help myself. But if this is just him then I will agree....I am highly disappointed with his decisions. Damn it!!!

Kristen said...

I didn't think you were saying you didn't love the here and now. I think it is pretty clear to tell that you are a blogger/mom who is soaking up the here and now.

Hang in there, and know we love and support you whether you decide to dance or talk about your new season in life. :)

Lindsay said...

So true - "season of my family" is a perfect explaination for a lot of my blogger friends and we need not feel guilty about wanting to spend time together, even if that means saying no to things we would have jumped at in our "younger" non-children ages!

Thanks for stopping by again - and yes, just THINK of what our grandparents think. My grandpa said his first house payment was $14/mo. Can you imagine???

Rebecca Ramsey said...

I hear you! And yep, I agree on the season thing. We can't have everything all at the same time. And if we had it that way, it wouldn't be much fun. It couldn't be! It's taken me a long time to learn to enjoy what I have and stop waiting on the future.

We take my first born to college in a week and a half and I've enjoyed every minute of mothering her. Well, maybe not EVERY single minute. But almost! It's a wonderful journey. Sounds trite, but it's true!
Becky

Robyn said...

I still think you and the hubs should take a class.

Karen MEG said...

You are so cute when you blog drunk ;)

I think there are a LOT of people who watch that show and think ... hmmmm, what if? I mean the kids are young, beautiful, talented and they have the world just ready for them to grab. But the life of a dancer as you've noted, is a tough one. These kids are lucky... I think this is as much celebrity as a lot of them will see... and they are exceptionally talented.

I used to dream about being a dancer to... ballet as a kid, jazz in highschool and university. But recently I've found my niche in my gym - hip hop/dance aerobics, and the yoga/pilates classes. Although I can't move nearly as well as I could 20 years ago (and, ahem, you are NOT old, sweetie, I've got a decade on you so that would make me ancient :).

I think yoga classes and some dance lessons with hubby are an awesome idea.

"Season of your family" describes it just so beautifully. And you're really just getting started...

Candy said...

Awesome Blog! I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels "clinical"!

Roxy Wishum said...

WAY-TO-GO Kathryn! I enjoy your "sober" thinking. God bless you for recognizing the "season of your family" during the season. Old is a relative term and the time will come when the boys (and girl?) are grown and you can enter a different season. I wonder what your boys will be?

OHmommy said...

Ha, I totally want to be a dancer everytime I watch that show.

Kelley said...

Stages and ages.

That's a piece of advice a friend gave me when I lamented not doing some of things I want to right now (of course, I just barely had a baby). Anyway, maybe someday you'll be able to dance like that again. Stages and ages.

Fire Hunt said...

Your post are all so good but I totally need this one:)

beth said...

I agree with the last paragraph 100%.

But still, the reality of getting older and no longer living in the world of limitless possibilities is sobering. Even if you would not do anything different.

Nap Warden said...

You know...life is a balancing act. Right now, when kiddos are little so much of my time goes to them. As they get more independent, I/we get a bit of our lives back. It's hard...I get what you are saying:)

Kelly said...

I'm a big fan of yoga myself. It helped me learn to balance better, I was less stressed and my body as a whole, felt so much better. I really miss it.

I'm ADDICTED to Dancing with the Stars. I'd love to take classes with my hubby too...it would be so much fun. I'm afraid I wouldn't be coordinated enough.

Back to the yoga to keep me limber and maybe learn more coordination. LOL

Claudious said...

I kind of like your non-sober post more than the sober one. I really don't want to admit I'm getting older, I really don't want to actually think I cannot do anything I did before. But it does make a lot of sense, and I agree that I wouldn't change the past if it affected the basics of what I am right now.

Monica said...

Beautifully written! I don't like to admit that I'm getting older, but seems like I have a little more wisdom now, a little...

Munchkins and Music said...

I have pondered about this very topic a lot lately. I liked what you had to say. I too feel that nothing can compare to raising my children.

Golightly said...

Funny how the priority of raising Harrison coming first in my life keeps coming up lately. I work part time mainly because I have to, but they tend to forget that it's part time and Harrison comes first.

I did yoga when I was pregnant and shortly thereafter, I miss it.

Did I say thank you earlier for your kind words? If not. Thank you.

DYSFUNCTIONAL MOM said...

I love this:

This is the season of my family.

LOVE IT!

MamaGeek said...

I think we all feel ya. But I must say that you would TOTALLY RAWK On Dancing with the stars.

:)

Anglophile Football Fanatic said...

I think you are right 'bout this being the season of family. And, what a wonderful season to be in, no?

Hilary said...

I couldn't agree with you more. As the mom of mostly-grown sons (18 and 21), I know that being here with and for them has made a difference. At least that's what they tell me. ;)

Lovely posts, Kathryn. :)

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

I'm humming "love the one you're with" right now. Your optimism and pragmatism are refreshing in a land full of Oprah devotees mourning missed opportunities and dreams denied:)

Motherhood for Dummies said...

well put. It is easy to get lost, espesally when we become mothers because either some feel their have ot put their lives on hold or that they are starting their real life. Good for you for knowing what you want and for trying to do more!!!

Beck said...

I had an ex-boyfriend who was convinced - utterly convinced - that he could have been an NHL player if he'd been in hockey past the age of 9. It added a quiet joy to his life.

Tiffany said...

Never crossed my mind that you weren't fulfilled... BUT, I still think you should get some dancing or YOGA in somewhere - My husband and I took a ballroom/latin class for 12 weeks and it was sooooo much fun and it was a built in date night every week for us. The whole class was parents that were our age and most evenings we would leave and all go to dinner together. It was a great time.

You are an amazing mom and an amazing woman!

Sandy C. said...

I feel the same when when watching the dance shows.

And that losing one's self? Yup, that's me lately.

LaskiGal said...

The time with our loved ones is fleeting . . . besides. Who says you can't be it all? Why the heck not?

Ballroom dancer extraordinaire, fantabulous mom and excellent wife (and the 453 other things you do, of course).

ann said...

The love of mothering and children doesn't preclude the feeling - at times - that somehow YOU got swallowed up in the momming. The time, the driving, the money...all those decisions that are made based on the children first. Awareness of that helps me.

Nan Patience said...

Getting older is really something else, isn't it?

I do understand Oprah women who sob about how they have lost themselves. I think women are programmed to give everything they've got to others, and before you know it, that's all you are and all you do. In a way, it's a blessed state, and in another way, one is bound to feel lost and taken for granted at times. It's probably best to maintain some pieces of yourself for yourself and to stay grounded in who you are and what you're doing. The womanly arts are sacred and deserve respect, which is something society today doesn't seem to get.

I LOVE to dance, but Big Daddy not so much. I was a dancer in high school, and I still like to be whirled around the dance floor. I would take modern dance or jazz if there were good adult classes out my way... closest thing is probably jazzercise at the rec department, and hey, I may even try that one of these days.

Kathryn said...

Yeah. I suppose I get why a person might feel lost once in a while. Maybe it stems more from a feeling of "I don't matter" after so much time passes with putting everyone else first. Being taken for granted.
I can understand that.
I guess I've always known that I matter. And I've never identified myself with any ONE thing I've done. Whether I'm working, dancing, singing, doing laundry, or wiping up vomit. Those things are just the things I'm doing. Not who I am.
Maybe I'm just too full of myself! HA! ;)

Indy said...

What a great way to look at this.

Words To Live By

Be grateful for each new day.
A new day that you have never lived before.
Twenty-four new, fresh, unexplored hours to use usefully and profitably.
We can squander, neglect, or use them.
Life will be richer or poorer by the way we use today.
Finish every day and be done with it.
You have done what you could;
some blunders and absurdities crept in;
forget them as soon as you can.
Tomorrow is a new day.
You shall begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be
encumbered with your old nonsense.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson