This is the post where I write my retraction. Okay. Maybe not so much a retraction as a clarification. I think my last post came out sounding completely different than I had intended. That's what I get for writing at 2 in the morning with a buzz. Huh, huh.
You want to know the truth? I really don't care that much about dancing again. Really. I think what hit me most as I watched So You Think You Can Dance on Saturday night (over and over and over again) was the clarity of getting older. How back in the day being a dancer had always been a possibility. But now, at my age (can I really say that?), it isn't even in the realm of possible. I think that is what hit me. I'm old. Okay. Not really. But sometimes it surprises me how old I am already.
I never wanted to be a singer or dancer professionally. I think it is a tough life. But every once in a while I wonder how good I would have gotten if I had given myself the chance. In the end it doesn't really matter. Because if it didn't bring me back to exactly where I am today then I wouldn't want to do it anyway.
I have never been one of these women that Oprah has sobbing on her show lamenting how she lost herself, or that she didn't know who she was anymore. Those kind of statements always floor me. I don't understand how you can loose who you are simply because you are doing something different than you used to. I know exactly who I am. I know exactly what I like. What my interests are. What I'm good at. I spent 26 years finding all of that out. Taking time to do whatever I wanted to do when I wanted to do it. And that person is still there regardless of if I get to express those interests or not. Those interests are not dead, they are just on hold for a while.
I really do believe that there is a season for everything. This is the season of my family. I want to suck up as much of these moments with my young family as I can. Because these are the moments that matter. These are the moments that I want my life to be about. No matter how long I live, or what else I do, nothing will compare with raising my children.
And that is the truth.