Livin' It Up

After my last post I really wanted to try and make the most of this weekend and the few days we had left before school started.  I think we did a pretty good job.

We went up north for the weekend.  The weather was beautiful.  There was much fishing, and playing, and smore eating, and relaxing.  Todd would take one boy out fishing while the others fished off the pier.  A good time was had by all.

On Monday we finished up our school shopping and then Tuesday we went to a small zoo.

The kids ran around, played at the park, and saw a few animals too.

After the zoo we went to one of our favorite parks.

The kids ran up and down the hills until they couldn't run anymore.

Then they rolled.

Today we took them to a big zoo.  It was hours and hours of walking and fun.

I think we wore them all out good and proper. 

It was a good way to wrap up our summer.  I'm glad we got a chance to do a few things that we wanted to do before summer ended. 

School can now begin.  I guess. 

Feeling It

I feel like I'm hung over even though I didn't drink last night.  I think I'm hung over from this past week.  This week has been full of the typical back to school craziness that I loathe but also some extra lunacy thrown in there for good measure. 

My three boys are now going to two different schools.  The two older boys are still going to our much loved parochial school, but Ben will be going to a new preschool since the 4K program at the parochial school had to be moved to the afternoon and that would have been too hard for us.  So, we were able to get Ben into the preschool program that Joey was in for 3K (there was no 3K at the parochial school that year) at the John Michael Kohler Arts Center.  While I am sad that all three boys won't be at our beloved school together and I am thrilled that Ben is getting the chance to be in the amazing program they have at the museum.

Anyway, all this to say that we have had two separate orientations this week.  Another school preview.  School shopping.  A meeting with a couple from our church for their marriage preparation course.  A couple trips to the doctor (for paperwork, twice, and a Lego, twice).  And I was doing this all with four kids attached to me and without Todd because he has been working from 5 in the morning until about 8 at night every night for the past two weeks preparing for a week-long trial on a case he has had for 7 years.  Big stuff.

And one more thing.  I must have slept wrong or something but I've had a horribly stiff, painful neck for the entire week.  Every time I move or breath I have pain.  I haven't been sleeping either.   It has given me a massive headache.  So, even though the above might not sound that bad, because I feel so crappy, my workload seemed immense.

*sigh*

But.  But!  It is coming to a close.  Todd's very large trial is over (jury finally reached a verdict, in Todd's client's favor, at 7:30 last night).  Most of the rush for school supplies is done.  I am starting to feel a little better.  I can move my neck and my headache is better.  This morning we just have to pick up the bedroom furniture for Gracie's room that I found on craigslist and then we are heading up north.  Of course we have to come back slightly early for a birthday party on Sunday, but I'm hoping a couple days is just what we need to unwind. 

I feel like our whole summer has been kind of hectic.  We never made it to the zoo.  We didn't take any trips.  We never went camping.  The couple of trips we had up north were not very good trips.  As this summer is winding down and school is starting up I am really feeling like this summer was a bit of a failure.  I'm feeling guilty.  And letdown.  Sad.

Maybe it is because we had planned all kinds of fun stuff and then were never able to do it because Todd's work schedule was so crazy.  He hasn't really had any time to take off of work and instead has been working late (and weekends) most nights.  I tried to take the kids here and there for some fun, but nothing like what we had envisioned.  We even thought we might make our first trip to Disney this summer, but it just didn't work. 

I don't know, maybe I'm just sad to see another school year starting.  Seeing my Tommy try out his first big kid desk in his new first grade classroom last night just made me all misty.  Life is in warp speed.  And I feel like I had better do something to stop it and grab it and really see it and enjoy it before it all whizzes right by me.  Maybe that is where I feel I failed this summer.  Did I really embrace the moments?  I don't know. 

We have one week left before school starts.  I'm feeling pressure to make this week a good one.  And pressure usually does not equal fun.  I think I just need to relax.  I need to remember what we did get to do this summer.  We did a lot of swimming.  We went to the farmer's market a number of times.  We went to the lake.  We watched fireworks.  We went fishing.  We discovered a stream at a beautiful park.  We ate popsicles.  We ran through sprinklers.  We played in the rain.  We built lots of blanket forts. We rode bikes, spent time with family and friends, took walks, and played a bunch too.

Maybe this summer wasn't so bad. 

Maybe I just don't want it to end.   

I Wish I Could Forget

He sat on the edge of the bed staring at a page in the magazine without really seeing the picture.  The room was dark.  The only light came from a small lamp on the table next to the bed.  There were overhead lights we could have turned on but we just couldn't bear it.  The room was bad enough without the greenish glow of the fluorescence adding to the awful yellow paint on the cinder block walls. 

I squinted at the picture to see what he wasn't seeing.  "That is a beautiful cabin isn't it, Daddy?"  I said to him.

"Oh yeah!"  my father answered back still staring into nothing.

Mom gently fingered each of his shirts as she hung them in the wardrobe on the opposite end of the room.  She tried to keep busy, folding and sorting, as we waited for someone to come help us.  It had been over an hour.

We had already given ourselves a little tour.  We'd seen the "dining hall".  We walked by the common area fully stocked with worn arm chairs and couches, an old television, puzzles, games, newspapers, and magazines.  We passed a woman sitting in her wheelchair in the hallway sobbing over the baby doll in her arms.  Dad bent down to her and said, "What a beautiful baby you have!  You're doing just great!"   One after another the prisoners received comfort from dad until mom and I could no longer witness his kindness and we took him back to his room.

When mom finished putting his clothes away and tidying up the barren room it was time to go. I went into the hallway and flagged down a nurse. 

"Excuse me.  My mom and I have to go now.  Could someone please come and sit with my dad or show him around while we leave?"  I pleaded.

"Um.  It is a really busy time of night right now.  Put him in the common area and he can sit with the other residents until we can get to him."  she said quickly.

"Well, I don't know if that will work. He might start to follow us."  I said, still trying to be polite.

"The doors lock so he won't be able to follow you."  she answered without thinking.

"Listen, it's his first night here. Isn't there someone that can be with him while we are leaving?"  I prodded.

"I'll be there in a minute."  she spat at me as she turned and disappeared around the corner.

I walked back down the hall towards my dad's room.  My stomach tightened and rolled, either from the ammonia smell lurking in the walls or what was to come.  

"Let's go take a walk and watch tv, okay?"  I announced as I rounded the doorway into the room.  Mom nodded her head knowingly and grabbed her purse. 

My face began to flush.  I felt hot and light headed.  I turned around and headed back into the hallway before mom and dad could see the blush that had crept into my face.  I made my way down the hall to the common area, my heart smashing against my ribs with each step.  After a few yards I checked behind me to see if mom and dad were following.  They were coming out of the room, walking slowly, holding hands.

As we reached the common area the nurse rushed over.

"Hi John!" she shouted at dad.  "I'm gonna sit with you in a minute, but you can sit here with Marianne and she will chat with you until I get back, won't you Marianne?"

Marianne did not say a word, or even look at dad, she just continued to stare at the light coming from the tv.  Mom and I looked at each other with wide eyes as the nurse ran away leaving us to the dirty deed.

We eased dad into a recliner and gave him yet another magazine.

"Someone will be with you in just a few minutes, dad.  Then they'll show you around, okay?" I bent over and hugged my dad around his broad shoulders that now felt frail.  Sweat was forming on my upper lip.  My throat was too tight to speak properly.  "I love you, daddy.  See you tomorrow." I whispered.
 
I stepped back and watched as mom kissed dad on the cheek and said, "Bye, honey.  I'll see you in the morning.  Love you!"  His eyes looked up at her questioning.  Confused.  Worried.

I forced my body to turn and follow my feet down the hallway.  As we reached the elevator I turned to see dad once more.

Still sitting in the recliner dad had twisted around to watch us go.  I waved my hand to him and he waved back.  And though we were a good distance away I could see he had tears in his eyes.  His lips trembled and lost washed over his face.  Abandoned.

I put my head down and let the hair fall over the sides of my face as I stepped onto the elevator.  I closed my eyes, grabbed mom's hand, and held my breath for the ride down to the first floor.   

The challenge was to write about a memory you wish you could forget.  If you have been reading my blog for a while you are probably not surprised I chose to write about my dad going into the first nursing home (thank God the second nursing home was worlds better) towards the end of his very long battle with Alzheimer's.  Though part of me wishes I could forget that experience I don't really want to loose any of my memories no matter how painful.  Each experience we have in life helps us to grow, and learn, and makes us who we are. 
I'm afraid I went over the 600 word count, but I edited all I could.

Growing

Hosted by Cecily and Lolli
  

It has been an emotional week.  And I'm not even talking about our little trip to the ER.

First of all, Grace turned two years old.  It may not seem like that big of a deal but it is to me.  I've never had a two year old without also having a newborn or a baby on the way.  Not only that, but Grace seems to be such a grown up two year old.  There really are few traces of babyhood left.

Second, Grace is fully potty trained.  While it is a very joyous event it just drives home how quickly my family is growing up and changing. 

Third, and the biggest change, is that Grace has moved to a big girl bed.  Since I have no more babies to speak of that means we had to take down the crib.  It literally made me nauseous.  As I was taking her baby bedding out of the crib I couldn't hold back the tears any longer.  I just can't believe it has all gone this quickly.  My boys came in the room and saw us taking the crib apart and they started to whine and cry about how much they'll miss having a baby to put in the crib.  I begged them to stop talking about it but they just kept telling me, "But all of us have used that crib!  I was a baby in there and now we don't have any more babies!"  Eventually I had to kick them out of the room to keep myself from falling apart. 

Luckily, the girl LOVED her new bed.  It made the whole emotional debacle much more enjoyable.

She wanted to go to bed right away and it wasn't even dinnertime yet.

Seeing how much she enjoys these big changes definitely makes them easier to handle.  She is so proud of what a big girl she is becoming.  She is so proud of her new bed.  And she even lets the boys come up on her pretty new bed to snuggle with her in the morning.  It has been an emotional week.  I no longer have a baby in my house.  Soon school will be starting and our days will really be moving at warp speed.  I'll have a third grader, a first grader, a preschooler, and a two year old.  Our days will be overflowing. 

My family is growing up.  So quickly.  But while I have been emotional about it I also have a bit of peace too.  My kiddos are growing up.  Just as they should be.  And though I may not like how quickly it is going by I sure am lucky to be a part of it. 

Leave It To The Princess

As you all know I have three boys.  With three boys comes the usual wrestling, fighting, chaos, mess, dirt, poop and fart jokes, and all sorts of other craziness.  You know, typical boys stuff.  But they are still good boys and we have managed to escape a lot of unfortunate side affects of boys that I've heard other people talk about.   Stuff like;

pooping in the bathtub,

climbing out of the crib, or

sticking Legos up a nose.

My boys have never done any of that.  All of that was left to this one:

(Thank you Auntie Sarah for the wonderful princess apparel.  You really are like her fairy godmother!)

She may look like a princess but she certainly knows how to keep us on our toes.  I told the story of the bathtub incident.  Easy enough mistake to make when you are little.  And she is the only one of my littles to even entertain the idea of climbing out of the crib, much less actually do it.  And this evening she did what I hoped would NEVER happen in my house.   She stuck a Lego up her nose.

Now, normally she isn't even allowed in the library when the boys are playing with Legos.  They are supposed to close the door and not let her or the dog in when the Legos are out.  Somehow, Grace got in there, and even though it was only for a a very brief moment she managed to find a teeny, tiny, bright orange, round Lego light and stick it up her nose.  The minute I found her in the room (which was probably about 30 seconds after she entered the room) I ushered her out.  Her nose sounded stuffy so I asked her to blow it.  When she blew it she said, "OUCH!!!  OWWIEEE!!!"  That seemed rather odd to me.  When I asked her to blow again she started bawling.  I got a terrible feeling.  I took a flashlight and checked and sure enough there was a Lego lodged waaaaayyyyy  up there.

A quick call to Todd and he was on his way home.  Another quick call to the peds office and Grace and I were on our way.  Unfortunately, the on-call peds doctor was unable to suction it, or blow it (don't ask) out.  Then they called an ENT specialist to come in but there was some fight about who was actually on call and NO ONE came.  I was then told to drive an hour to Milwaukee's Children's Hospital and they could remove it there.  ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME??

I decided to head over to the ER at our normal hospital even though I know that the ENT schedule is the same there and no one would show up.  I was hoping the ER doc would be able to something for us.  Nope.  No such luck there either.  Apparently, none of the doctors I saw wanted to attempt to remove the Lego and then have it slide even further up her nose, or even worse, have her take a deep breath during the removal process and have it get into her lungs.  Both the ER doc and ER nurse said that if it was them they would probably just leave it there and go to the ENT doctor in the morning.  Good grief. 

I was so miffed. We have two large hospitals in my city and NO ENTs that can help us after 5?  It is a crazy world. 

So, after three hours of torturing Grace (and probably two big doctor's bills for nothing) and no help dislodging the Lego, I packed Grace back in the car and we went home.  I was so frustrated and upset and concerned.  I just couldn't give up on it.  Todd thought that maybe he could get it out but it was pretty far up her nose at this point and I could barely see it.  I just kept having visions of the Lego getting stuffed farther up there and her breathing it in and it going in her lungs (thank you, doctors, for that worry). 

I decided to try suctioning the Lego out a bit again (with one of those baby snot suckers) and I got it down further than it was before.  Finally I thought I could possibly try and take it out with a tweezers.  The first couple of times I don't think I went in far enough.  It was so scary trying because I couldn't see anything.  I just had to guess approximately where it would be.  The next thing I know I felt the Lego in between the tweezers and I pulled the little bugger out. 

What a relief!!!!  I felt like I had just performed successful brain surgery or something.  We all jumped around, screaming and shouting and dancing, and Grace got a few cookies to help with the ordeal.  So glad my little lady would have a safe and peaceful nights sleep.  What an ordeal.   

Yes, she may look like a princess, but don't let her fool ya.  She has a few tricks up her nose her sleeve.

I Heart Faces- Beautiful Eyes

I heart faces

This is my first time playing along with I Heart Faces.  When I found out that the theme this week was Beautiful Eyes I just couldn't resist.

My boys have the most gorgeous blue eyes. They almost look electric.  When I first saw this pic it was almost shocking how bright blue they are.  I have always wanted blue eyes like theirs but I have grown to love my "change color with my mood" hazel eyes over the years.  I love how Grace's dark hazel eyes are such a contrast to the boys shocking blue.  Here they look kinda sad.  But still beautiful.  I love my kids' gorgeous eyes.

TWO

I'm not even sure I believed in soul mates before you came along.

The more I watch you, the more I learn about you, the more I'm convinced we have known each other before. 

Our souls have always been connected.  Soul mates.

You, my daughter.

My ray of light.

My little angel.

Lover of:

All things girlie (pink, princesses, fairies, dresses, babies, shoes)

Swimming

Playing outside

Finding sticks and rocks

Your big brothers

Animals

Singing

Sweet

Silly

Strong willed

Patient

Loving

Gentle

Smart

Feisty

Tough

Fun

Spunky

Today you are two.  Very few traces of your babyhood remain.  There are no more diapers.  Your crib is gone.  Bottles and baby food have long been gone.  You can tell me exactly what is on your mind and what you need. 

Still.  You are my baby.  You will always be my baby.  I will not mourn your babyhood.  I am too busy soaking up the wonderfulness of you as you are right now.  And I look forward to watching you grow and learning more about you each day.

Thank you, Grace, for being my daughter.  I am so honored to have you in my life.  I love you, my sweet girl. 

Happy Birthday!

If You Need Me This Is Where I'll Be...

In the bathroom.  Waiting.  And waiting.  And waiting.  (please notice the books I have for whilst I wait)

There is always much waiting around when we begin potty training.  The little tyke is not allowed to get off the toilet until it has been used (when I know for sure they have to go).  This, of course, does not go over well with them but I have figured out how to make my little ham go from this,

this,

and this,

to this.

 Apparently she likes to have her picture taken and when I asked her, "Can I get a picture of you going potty?"  she was more than happy to oblige and finally used the toilet.  Haha!  Success!

Now I don't even need the camera anymore.  We had a few, tiny accidents the first day and none since.  We are on day three.  Yippee! 

I'm sure there will be more waiting around (and probably a few accidents too) as this process is still so new but I'm so proud of my lil chic.  Wish us luck!  And if you need me you know where I'll be.

What's A Mama To Do?

Hosted by Cecily and Lolli

Summers today are not like the summers of my childhood.

When I was a kid the neighbor boy and I would scoot out of our houses early in the morning and head over to the park all day long. Sometimes we would stop back at home for a little lunch and other times we would pack a lunch and take them with us. Either way, we would be gone all day until I heard my dad's loud whistle coming from across the street signaling dinner time.

At the ripe old age of 6 that same neighbor boy (who was the same age as me) and I would jump on our bikes and ride two and a half miles through the city to the quarry where we would spend the entire day swimming. Yes, there were lifeguards there, but essentially, we were on our own.

Never in my wildest dreams (or nightmares) would I allow my young children to do the things that my parents allowed me to do. Never. Ever. And it wasn't just my parents. Todd was riding a dirt bike (as in, a motorcycle) when he was 8 years old. He and his neighborhood friends would ride around in the woods by his house all day long. I don't even let my kids play out in the front yard without me for fear they will ride out into the street (there are no sidewalks in my neighborhood) without looking for cars for the 100th time, or turn around on their bikes and not watch where they are going. The ONE time I ran in the house while they were playing on their bikes Tommy wasn't watching where he was going and ran into the neighbor's mailbox. Ouch. I was surprised he didn't break his collarbone. And of course, it was the one time a car happened to be driving down our street (it is a VERY quiet culdesac) and stopped to help Tommy when they saw what happened. I came back out of the house (I was just putting the dog back in the house for a SECOND), saw Tommy lying in the road with a car parked right behind him and thought he had been hit by a car. So scary. And then of course I felt like the biggest neglectful mother ever for not watching him more closely. And to think at his age I was biking 2 and a half miles by myself.

Sometimes I don't like where society has gone. Sometimes I think it was much better to just let your kids go explore without a parent's ever watchful eye. Sometimes I feel like I am taking away my kids' ability to think on their own. Learn from mistakes. Learn common sense. Other times I come out of my house and find Tommy has collided with the neighbor's mailbox (or that the boys have dug HUGE holes in the neighbor's yard, or are raking up my newly seeded grass) and realize they need my watchful eye.

The kids do get some unsupervised play in our backyard. They can go out and play on the playset and muck around doing whatever they like, but this summer the backyard has been off limits while we try to grow some grass back there after our construction project had destroyed the grass we previously had. So, one more thing that has made my job a little more difficult this summer.

So what's a mom to do?

Well, we are outside pretty much everyday. My kids aren't happy unless they are outside. It doesn't matter if it is 30 degrees or 100 degrees. They want to be outside. And I like that. But it does get a little tough trying to give the kids enough to do in summer when the backyard is off limits and, because of their age, they can't do too much without me. So, we go to parks. We go swimming at the lakes. We ride bikes. Play in the front yard. We take walks. And we repeat and recycle these options over and over and over again.  It is nice when I can throw something different in there once in a while.  You know, a festival, a zoo, a museum.

Yesterday the weather finally cooperated and we were able to go to the farmer's market.  Yes, we've done this before, but it had been a while.

The farmer's market is located at one of our city's oldest parks and it has plenty of room to run, explore, and play. The kids love it there.

There is so much to see and do that the kids didn't know what to hit first. Should we check out the food? The crafts? Should we jump in the fountain? Should we run around like maniacs? Hmmmm. Decisions, decisions.

It was close to lunch so they decided on food.  Surprise, surprise.  (can you hear the sarcasm?  my kids are gonna eat us out of house and home)  I ordered four egg rolls, fried rice, and a couple of waters. 

Minutes later their food was gone and they needed dessert.  Funnel cake it is!   All the fresh fruit and veggies that are sold at the market and we settled on fried rice and funnel cake.  Oh my.  In my defence I also bought two pounds of sugar snap peas and we ate half of that while at the park too. 

After the dessert the kids burned off some energy while I munched on the peas.

I tried not to watch too much and gave them a bit of that unsupervised play that they so need. 

 I think they had fun.

I wish times were a little different and that I could let my kids "just be" a bit more.  Maybe it's me.  Maybe I'm being overprotective.  I don't know.  What do you think?  Have times changed, or is it just me?  How do your kids play in summer?  Do you watch their every move or let them have at it?  Are we more overprotective and cautious than our parents were?  Are we just paranoid or have times really changed?

You Capture: White

I love white. Pure, clean, soft white.  In trying to capture white this week I realized I don't have a whole lot of white around my house.  With four kids a whole lot of white just isn't smart.  Still, I love white.

To me, white is:

Poofy clouds

One of my favorite childhood stuffed animals that is now one of my kids' favorites

For some reason white makes me think of Grace

Beautiful flowers

 I find white flowers to be especially gorgeous this time of year

 But my favorite white around the house these days is my Molly.  Good dog.

So, tell me.  What does white mean to you?

A Picture May (Or May Not) Be Worth A Thousand Words

A picture may be worth a thousand words, but sometimes it paints an inaccurate story. 

We went up north this past weekend to celebrate Todd's 40th birthday.  Judging by this picture it would appear that we had a calm, serene start to the weekend.  This picture does not show the whining and crying and fighting and nonsleeping children for the three hour ride to the cabin.  It also does not show the absolute downpour of rain that occured minutes after this picture was taken. 

This picture shows my lovely boys amusing themselves.

This picture shows the boys finding me behind them and yelling at me for sneaking up on them.  And no, Tommy is not flicking me off as it appears.  He is shaking his fist at me. 

It would appear the boys amused themselves for hours with their binoculars.  It was actually only a few minutes.  Shortly after I took this picture the boys went back to whining about when they would get to take a boat ride and go fishing while Todd frantically tried to get the stupid 30 year old boat motor to work. 

Cut to the next day.  I tried to keep the boys occupied with things like catching tiny frogs, and finding large sticks while Todd continued to try and fix the old crappy motor so that he could finally start to enjoy his birthday weekend. 

The frogs were cute, but not cute enough to keep the boys from pestering Todd about when they will finally be able to go fishing.

Ben wasn't able to keep a frog on his hand long enough for a picture.  According to this picture it looks like he was fine with that.  He wasn't.

Here it looks like the stoic kids are being forced into helping grandma make a fruit salad.  They actually begged to help, ate more than they contributed, and had a blast.

Here it looks like they are having even more fun splashing their feet in the water with grandma and grandpa.  They are.

However, what these two photos don't show is the bawlfest that took place moments before when the boys started telling us how they don't want grandpa to have Alzheimer's anymore.  They cried and cried saying that they don't like Alzheimer's and don't want grandpa to die and then "have no more grandpas left". 

This picture appears to be taken in fall instead of the middle of summer.  The sunny 85 degree weather we were supposed to have never showed up.  It was about 70 and cool in the morning, then it got up to about 84 but would rain all afternoon.  Then in the evening it cooled off again.  Crazy weather.

All of these pictures make it look like it was a great and fun weekend. 

 But in all actuality it was difficult.  Probably one of the hardest weekends we've ever had up north.

Perhaps if the boat's motor hadn't taken a crap on us and Todd and the boys were able to fish all weekend like they planned we would have had more fun.  If Todd hadn't had to spend 5 hours every morning trying to fix the motor I think it would have been more relaxing.  If the boys hadn't been as whiny and sassy and spoiled the weekend would have been easier.  Maybe if the weather would have cooperated a bit more we could have enjoyed our time outdoors.  I don't know.  The whole weekend seemed like a struggle.  A constant struggle.

But there was cake.  And family.  And lovely sunsets.  So I guess it wasn't all bad.

In the end I just wish my dear hubby had the relaxing, wonderful birthday weekend he deserved.  Instead he spent the whole time trying to make everyone else happy and trying to fix everything.  I'm afraid he was more drained when the weekend was over then when it started.

Oh my dear husband.  Happy 40th Birthday.  It was not what we planned, but I hope you at least know just how much you are loved and appreciated.  Thank you for being a man of faith.  Thank you for how hard you work.  Thank you for always being there.  For taking care of those who need you.  For always being everyone's go-to-guy.  For being such a wonderful husband, father, son, brother, friend.  For always keeping your amazing sense of humor even in the toughest situations, and making me laugh when I need it most.  For being such an amazing example of a strong, loving, compassionate, and caring man for our boys.   For giving Grace such a good example of the type of quality man to look for someday.  For always trying, trying, trying to do better.  Be better.  For constantly striving to be a Godly man.  For being my best friend.  I love you so much. 

P.S.  You were right to stop at 4.  ;)