Monday, May 24, 2010

Hate Mail and Love Letters

Dear Morning Coffee-

I love you. Don't ever leave me.

Forever yours,

So tired

***********************

Dear Grocery Store Bagger-

Seriously? My 2 liter bottle of soda ON TOP of my bananas? SERIOUSLY? WHY? And WHY do you put my fruit with my RAW MEAT??? HELLO???
You have the easiest job in the world. Honestly. In. The. World. I can say that because I am speaking from two years of experience in the grocery bagging world. Please. Do better or next time I will not be friendly.

One peeved off customer

**************************

Dear 80 Degree Weather-

Welcome to Wisconsin in May. Please make yourself comfortable and feel free to stay as long as you like. Well into October if you're free. I love having you here. You make me happy.
Don't leave. Ever.

Your loyal fan forever,

Sunbathing Mama

**************************

Dear Neighbor-

We're new here, and I definitely don't want to be THAT neighbor. You know, the nagging, annoying, hassle of a neighbor? But honestly, you leave me no choice.

I haven't said anything even though it has been months since my kids have gotten a decent nap. I haven't said anything though the constant barking has made it much less enjoyable to be outside. I was SO CLOSE to saying something this morning when you let your dog outside at 6:30 and he continued to bark for over a half an hour. But I am telling you, if you do not discipline your dog soon, I WILL say something. I will have to.

I love dogs. I grew up with dogs. I had a dog. I hope to get a dog one day soon. I don't blame your dog. I blame you. Dogs bark. But for hours on end without any breaks is just madness. Heard of common courtesy? It's great. Get some.

Signed,

Your neighbor with the cotton in her ears

***********************************

Dear Grey's Anatomy Writers-

Thanks for the panic attacks.

I was finally able to watch the two hour finale last night and I have to say that was the most stressful two hours of television I have ever watched. I frequently had to pause the show so that I could catch my breath. It was horrible. I don't know how I finished watching the entire show. Man.

Sincerely,

I need a massage

*************************

Dear Cold-

Leave me and my family alone. We've had enough. Go away!

We eat healthy. We get plenty of exercise. We take our vitamins. We get as much rest as we can. What more do you want from us? GO. AWAY!

Sick and Tired Mama

***********************

*SIGH*

I feel better. Thanks.

20 comments:

Elaine A. said...

Most of the time I take my re-usable grocery bags but the other day I forgot them. The sacker put only 2-3 things in some bags and double-bagged my lasagna noodles!!! What is thar? This "plastic-hater" was NOT happy!

Hope your cold gets better soon!

Kelly said...

We used to have the sweetest dog living next door to us but when she spotted a rabbit, she'd bark incessantly at it, often during sleeping hours. Used to make me crazy, especially when we were sleeping with the windows open. I feel for you.

I agree on Grey's. I was a mess and will never want to set foot in a hospital again. LOL

Krystyn said...

Oh, the dog. I would leave it up to your HOA to deal with that (if you have one)...just so you don't have the neighbor stigma!

And, seriously, I was up for 2 hours after Grey's because my heart was beating so fast! And, that scene in the operating room with Owen..holy cow!

Kat said...

Krystyn- No HOA here. Just a regular old neighborhood where you have to put up with all your neighbors' craziness. ;)

Robyn said...

I would gladly bag my own groceries every time I went if they wouldn't beat me to the punch sometimes.
Grey's it was intense.
I am not ready for 80-90s yet, I need some high 70s to get acclimated first.

Michelle Faith said...

could you send some of the weather this way...its fricking may and the rain will not stop and the temp can't get over 60..
You can keep the Dog.
:)
Oh and Grays!! I know! Right! Crazy!

Dawn said...

I used to live next door to a dog that barked at all hours. I feel for you, I really do.
Please, send some of that wonderful weather you're having to Washington!

Mom24 said...

SO with you! Baggers make me crazy. Seriously, how hard is it to figure out--heavy on the bottom, raw meat with nothing else, etc.?

Barking dogs=bad neighbors. Sorry. Just the way it is.

Jacob and Rebekah have been sick--what's up with that? I thought by May the germs would have let up a bit.

Hope you're all feeling better soon.

tweetey30 said...

so much going on.. hope you feel better soon and the kiddo's.. we have our pool up and was using it tonight.. go us... hopefully you will have yours up and going too if you plan to put one in.. happy weather for you all..

Dysfunctional Mom said...

OMG, the grocery bagging stuff drives me insane! Especially the meat mixed with other stuff. *shudder* When my son started bagging I gave him very specific instructions! lol

imbeingheldhostage said...

Supposedly it's very healthy to write your feelings down, even if the letters are thrown out-- however, you might feel even better if the neighbor letter is hand delivered to it's intended recipient. A barking dog (inconsiderate neighbor) is my biggest peeve. Second is loud children, and WE'RE those people. :D

Lisa said...

:) Cute little snipits :)

Dianna said...

Love it*!*
I hope your letters reach their intended recipients ; )
(and let us know how it goes...I have the dog issue too! UGH!)

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Ooooh, I've had that bag boy--he sucks! And the neighbor with the dog? Lived by them once. Horrible.
Hope your cold goes away soon.

Kelly said...

You have some serious axes to grind. All worthy causes. Good luck getting the responses you want.

Burgh Baby said...

I need to watch Grey's again. I spent half the episode holding my breath, so I think my oxygen-depraved brain might have missed a few things. But, OMG, it was gooood. In a horrible sort of way.

Tonya said...

sometimes its just nice to get that off your shoulder! I would hate a barking dog when my kids are napping. I hope you find resolution soon.

Cassie said...

I hope that one day I can live somewhere far away from any neighbors.

Lindsay said...

Okay - all are hilarious, but I must say I feel the SAME way about Greys....only I haven't gotten the nerve to finish it yet! My heart can't take that sort of thing anymore - glad (??) someone knows how I feel. I figure at this rate I can finish the hour I have left in about 4 days. Either that or I should just go up to the hospital and watch it, that way I'll already be there when I have a heart attack. Seriously.

Sara said...

That was a fun one--thanks!

Words To Live By

Be grateful for each new day.
A new day that you have never lived before.
Twenty-four new, fresh, unexplored hours to use usefully and profitably.
We can squander, neglect, or use them.
Life will be richer or poorer by the way we use today.
Finish every day and be done with it.
You have done what you could;
some blunders and absurdities crept in;
forget them as soon as you can.
Tomorrow is a new day.
You shall begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be
encumbered with your old nonsense.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson