Tuesday, March 16, 2010

One Year Ago Today

It was one year ago today.

It wasn't how I pictured it. I was nervous. I was nervous and excited. I held my breath as my eyes traced up your perfect spine to your beautiful little head. You were moving and jumping all over. You never sat still long enough for me to count your miniature fingers and toes. It looked like you were practicing your yoga moves and I tried to stifle my laughs as the sonographer moved her magic wand over my belly. She was quick to tell me that all your parts and pieces were working perfectly, and you looked as healthy as can be. I was flooded with relief and could finally exhale.

Then she told me what I thought I would never hear. "It's a girl!"

I always thought those words would cause a strong reaction on my part. I'd thought about hearing those words for so long that I was sure I would break down in tears if I ever actually heard them spoken. But I didn't. Part of me thought the tears would betray my undying, undeniable, unbelieveable love for my boys. And part of me didn't actually believe "It's a girl!"

I spent the next 6 months trying to make myself believe those words. Trust those words. Yet every time I bought a sweet pink outfit I kept the receipt. And everytime I would tell someone, "It's a girl", I always followed it up with, "But I'll believe it when I see it."

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This morning I held you on my lap. We were both drenched in the sunlight that was pouring in through the patio doors. I bounced you up and down on my knees and you laughed and threw yourself to me. Your sweaty, little hands grabbed at my face and you nuzzled your head into my neck, smothering me with kisses. Over and over again we repeated this scene. Both of us hungry for more hugs, more raspberries, more tickles, and more kisses.

When we finished our silly routine we snuggled on the couch, you nestled in the crook of my arm. You reached your arm up and grabbed my chin. I looked down at you and smiled and you smiled right back. Happy to know I was happy too.

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It has been a year since I first heard those magical words. A whole year of wanting to believe, learning to believe, and believing. "It's a girl."

21 comments:

Fire Hunt said...

Boys are fun but I am loveing the new life of being a mom to a girl!

Lisa said...

Girls are pretty great!

Linda said...

They both have their redeeming features! When I read the title, I thought to myself, she can't possibly be a year old already! I'm glad I haven't completely lost my mind!

Hattie said...

Awwwww, What a sweet post! I would probably react in the same way you did. I hope one day I can hear those words!

designHER Momma said...

a year already?! wow, what a fantastic year...

Elaine A. said...

So beautiful. And you know I share these feelings with you. I'm so very glad God blessed us with daughters.

Thanks for the tears... ;-)

Brittany said...

Funny I am posting right below Elaine... Look at us three gals, with our GIRLS! We are certainly blessed with our little beauties! :)

Karen Deborah said...

You have such a precious way of expressing your love as a mother for all your children. And in this post--totally head over heels gone. I love it.

Riahli said...

Oh that brought tears to my eyes, I know how you feel. I found out Leiella was a girl in July on the same day that Atticus's adoption when through...great day all around!! I some times have a hard time believing I have a girl even now when I am looking right at her, ha, ha!!

painted maypole said...

so sweet

Stephanie said...

This brought tears to my eyes. I love my little girl so much and was so happy to hear she was a "she" too. Then the same thing happened with Blake. It's such a special moment. And you'll always have your girl now :)

Tonya said...

I know what you mean! I love my boys but those girls are just so special I think it is because we "get" them. Because we are girls too!

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

And a beautiful girl. That's pretty cool how you found out--I like how you describe that ultrasound moment.

Cassie said...

You always write the sweetest posts! I am so happy you have a little girl now. I'm sure your boys are fantastic, but I think moms long for a daughter. I do anyway. I look at how cute Jackson is and just want to put a dress on him! haha.

Dawn said...

I loved reading this. You and your sweet girl have such a special relationship.

DysFUNctional Mom said...

=) Smiling through tears! So sweet.

Krystyn said...

Awww...so very sweet.

You writing this is why I (sort of) one day would maybe like to have a boy..maybe.

tweetey30 said...

i dont have boys but my girls are lucky to have me as there mom just as your children are to have you as there mommy too... enjoy them kat...

Catwoman said...

What a great post! Can't relate to that feeling, but I do envy the fact you never had to return those gorgeous baby girl clothes. Because man, do girls ever have the best clothes. Sigh....

Dianna said...

Oh...I'm a blubbering mess. Love that post!

Nishant said...

Girls are pretty great!
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Words To Live By

Be grateful for each new day.
A new day that you have never lived before.
Twenty-four new, fresh, unexplored hours to use usefully and profitably.
We can squander, neglect, or use them.
Life will be richer or poorer by the way we use today.
Finish every day and be done with it.
You have done what you could;
some blunders and absurdities crept in;
forget them as soon as you can.
Tomorrow is a new day.
You shall begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be
encumbered with your old nonsense.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson