Sunday, March 14, 2010

Feeling Funky

I'm in a funk. I feel all funked up. I'm just funky.

Just when I was really starting to get back into running again I went and injured my knee. It really bums me out. This is an injury I've had before and there is no telling when I'll get to run again. Bum-mer. *sigh*

I tried on swimsuits yesterday. It made me sick to my stomach. I took 6 or 7 suits in the dressing room with me and freaked out every time I put one on. I looked like I was made of out Pillsbury pizza dough. Eww. I walked out of the dressing room and saw an older woman sitting on a chair waiting for her daughters. Clearly she had heard my guffaws so I said to her, "Well, that was awful." She laughed so hard I thought she was going to choke. I guess every woman knows how bad the whole trying on swim suits thing is. Boo.

The thing that gets me is that I have given up all sweets and junk food since the beginning of Lent almost three weeks ago, AND I have been running 3-4 miles 4 times a week and I have only lost a few pounds. What the hell? That just doesn't make sense. Guess Todd will just have to wrap me in a big plastic tarp when we take the kids to the indoor water park for spring break.

The funny thing (funny=sucky, not funny=haha) is Todd is in the BEST shape of his life. He looks HOT. Hotter than he normally does. Which was pretty hot anyway. But now he is even HOTTER. It is insane. Freaking guy. So not only is he super smart, funny, compassionate, everybody loves him guy, he is SUPER HOT too. He just keeps getting better with age, and I just keep getting older. And doughier. AHHHHHH!!!!

Okay. I'll just have to let it go for now. I keep telling myself what I know I would say to someone else. You just had your 4th child! You just started working out a few weeks ago! You are still breastfeeding! It has only been 7 months! But ya know what? That doesn't necessarily make me feel any better. Grrr.

Hmm. What else is bothering me?

I haven't picked up my camera in a long time. I don't know what my problem is. I just haven't felt like doing much. I feel blah. Blaaaaaaahhhh.

I think I have a touch of Seasonal Affective Disorder. I usually get it in January, so I guess late March isn't too bad. At least I know spring in coming soon. It is just that this last week has been dark and dreary and rainy and it makes me a bit depressed. I love all the snow melting but we still don't have grass anywhere around our house so it just looks like a big mudball. Yuck.

So. There ya have it. I am a big whiner. See why I haven't posted all week? Aren't you glad I posted today? Don't you feel all warm and cozy on the inside? No? Oh...



Linda said...

Read your 'Words to Live By', and you will realize that the outward body is just that. Don't stop going swimming with your kids because of the way you look. Those are memories they will have, and they love you!

Kat said...

Linda- I know you are right. And I'll still go swimming with the kiddos. I just have to get over myself. ;)

Cassie said...

If it makes you feel better, I had to buy one of those swimsuits with a skirt on it. I feel like an old lady when I wear it! But its better than having my rolls hang out LOL.

I hope that spring will get here soon and you will start feeling better with all of that sunshine!

painted maypole said...

oh how we all can relate.


hope the funk clears soon.

Mom24 said...

Definitely not a whiner, just going through a hard time. Be good to yourself. You'll get there, you know that, but it doesn't make right now easier.

Hang in there.

imbeingheldhostage said...

That's the best you can do at whining? How about... oh wait, I do that on my own blog, don't I?

First of all-- you know those mirrors are messed up, right? And I agree with you on the seasonal thing. I was planning all of these activities to keep me from getting blue in Jan and Feb, but am now realizing that March sucks! I think it's because we know Spring is coming so gloomy days just hit us harder. Just wait Kat, the sun will come out (tomorrow...), you'll get a little color on your skin and those swimsuits will look better. I promise. Do NOT buy the tarp!

Anonymous said...

You're gorgeous! No matter what your brain tells you! And the better part? You're gorgeous with 4 gorgeous babies :)

Dawn said...

No, you're not a whiner. It's life. It's comforting to know that we all deal with these types of issues. Spring is coming...those blue skies will be there soon!

tweetey30 said...

Aww Kat i know how you feel with the swim suit.. I have to tell you after your 4th child you are in way better shape than I am after only having two and that is saying something.. So get a new suit and enjoy the Easter Break with the kiddo's....

Riahli said...

Swimsuit seriously...I would be wearing long shorts and a big tank top. ;)Even before I had kids I hated swimsuit shopping, now I avoid it at all cost. You should too, it's better that way. It sounds like you're in about the same funk as I am, I'm so funky I haven't even dared to write. I Need Warm Weather!! Sunshine!! Kids outdoors!! Ugggggg...I am definitely S.A.D.

Not Your Aunt B said...

Ah, but he hasn't had any kids or he would be doughier too! I think we've both commented that we're both alike in that it is so difficult to lose weight when you're breastfeeding. Those moms who nurse and lose all the baby weight in the first few months- hate them! No fair!

Swimsuits are just torture devices. Even if you lose the weight (which you will!) the permanent body changes that happen with having babies makes it crazy too. If only I could go back in time and tell my pre-baby self to flaunt it while I had it!

Here's the silver lining- your husband is HOT, your kids are adorable, and I think you are very pretty! Pretty goes a long way in my book- I would love to be pretty instead of just being interesting/ethnic looking which I never know if that's a compliment or not.

Enjoy your spring break!

DysFUNctional Mom said...

I want to say STOP THAT! But I know it's easier said than done. Just know that you are a beautiful mama!

Tonya said...

I think we all go through cycles of funk from time to time. You will snap out of it, hopefully sooner than later.

MamaB said...

I am definately in the same boat!! I haven't been this heavy (sans pregnancy) in my entire life. I keep telling myself as long as I eat healthy and excercise when I can the weight will come off. You look beautiful just the way you are! Watch out for that Hotter then hot husband of yours unless your ready for number 5 ;)

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

You had a baby. Relax. Get a tankini and breathe easy!

Emily said...

I understand how you feel. My husband is totally hot too and I feel like I just can't complete. Thank goodness he loves me for more than just my body!

Kat said...

Emily- We are lucky ladies, aren't we? My hubby keeps telling me that I look great, but what is he gonna say, ya know? ;) Poor guy.

Green Girl- A tankini??? Well, yeah. Do you seriously think I've been looking at bikinis? Oh no. I've been trying the tankinis. THEY DON'T FIT. The top may not be that bad but what about my GINORMOUS thighs??? Those little shorts thingies are no match for my massive thighs. It looks insane. Seriously. Pretty gross. I think I may just go with the tarp. ;)

Not Your Aunt Bea- Ya know what? After my first (and even after my second) I was that girl that lost all the weight just like that. After my second I got down smaller than I was in college. Then the third rolled around and it was harder. And the fourth? Forgetaboutit! Ca-razy!!!!

Chatterbug12- I have such a sweet and beautiful neice. I love you. :)

Imbeingheldhostage- Oh I can whine some more if you like. ;)

Cara said...

I don't know if you seen this but I bet it will make you feel better:
Defining a Movement

I feel better every time I watch it!

Karen Deborah said...

sweet Kat, just go back up that little bundle of baby sugar! Your a new mommie and it does take time. What kind of swimsuits are you trying to wear? A skimpy bikini? Check out Lands End. They make suits that help a woman out and are attractive. You will be fine and soon. Your husband is probably very ahppy that you think he is a hottie--and he loves you.

Elaine A. said...

Well, you KNOW I feel you on the weight thing. Although I'm pretty sure you started out in a better place than me. BUT, that doesn't matter, we all know and feel about our OWN bodies differently.

I'm sorry you hurt your knee, I hope you can continue running after it heals (?).

And yes, Spring is coming and you have all those beautiful children and that HOT husband so chin up my friend. ; ) And Hugs!

Lisa said...

I hate trying on swimsuits. It is one of the most evil things on earth. My advice? Don't even look at the price tags, because with suits, the more you spend the better they "hide", you know?
Good luck!

Lisa said...

I hate trying on swimsuits. It is one of the most evil things on earth. My advice? Don't even look at the price tags, because with suits, the more you spend the better they "hide", you know?
Good luck!

Chrissy said...

I ordered a new swimsuit online to avoid the whole dressing room nightmare. When I opened the box and pulled it out, i thought, "They've given me the wrong size! This thing is HUGE!" Then I tried it on. It fit.

Stephanie said...

Ugh!! I know how bummed you are with the injury. And I also chalk a lot of the mood to the weather. We are FINALLY getting some warmer Spring-Like weather down here and I'm finally feeling a bit better about it. It's depressing when it's rainy an cold and enough is enough. Hopefully your warmer weather is just about there too! I mean it's mid-March for goodness sake!

Lindsay said...

Girl - I totally feel your pain in the fitting room dept. I was just trying on SHIRTS today and nearly threw up. So as of today - it's official: I have to shop for shirts in the LADIES DEPARTMENT! Seriously - this is depressing for me. NOT because there aren't cute clothes there - I found some!! But because I'm 5'2"....I thought I'd be able to shop in juniors forever! Not so much....too tight = too much bra flab. Argh.

I pray that April gets you feeling more like yourself. You'll come around. Hard to see that when you're in the thick of "it" but you will. Sun ALWAYS helps! :-)

Nishant said...

I know you are right. And I'll still go swimming with the kiddos. I just have to get over myself. ;)
data entry india

Words To Live By

Be grateful for each new day.
A new day that you have never lived before.
Twenty-four new, fresh, unexplored hours to use usefully and profitably.
We can squander, neglect, or use them.
Life will be richer or poorer by the way we use today.
Finish every day and be done with it.
You have done what you could;
some blunders and absurdities crept in;
forget them as soon as you can.
Tomorrow is a new day.
You shall begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be
encumbered with your old nonsense.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson