Tuesday, July 14, 2009

A Glutton For Punishment

I am not a pretty picture.

I look something like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. My hands are so swollen that they look like baseball gloves. My feet and toes look like sausages. My cankles feel like they are going to break every time I stand up. As a matter of fact something is poking out of my right ankle. I may have fractured a bone. I can't be sure.

My back is killing me. My vagina feels like it is dragging on the floor. My stomach is stretched as far as it will go (I hope). My pelvis may be separating at this very moment. I have to pee every half hour. I can't sleep at night. I get so winded just going up the stairs. I began crocheting little lady's pink blanket yesterday and could only do it for a few minutes before my massive mitts started cramping up and stopped working.

And yet, I love being pregnant.

The other day my mom said, "It won't be long now!" And I actually got mad. I don't want this pregnancy to be over with yet. I love being pregnant. I want to savor every sweet second of this pregnancy, and yet I feel like I have been distracted for the entire 9 months. It has been a completely hectic and emotional 9 months and I feel slightly jipped.

I want more time. I want more time to soak in this feeling of being pregnant. I want to remember the way my baby rolls and stretches in my belly. I want to remember all the magical parts of being pregnant and forget about the minor inconveniences.

I want more time. A month just is not enough to soak up this wonderful blessing.

And yet, I look forward to holding that little bundle in my arms. Smelling that warm, sweet smell. Feeling the soft peach fuzz head against my cheek. Watching the rise and fall of the little lump that will lie peacefully snuggled on my chest. It is all very exciting and overwhelming. And a month just doesn't seem like enough time to properly daydream, plan, and anticipate it. But I fully intend to soak in as much as I possibly can so that years from now I can recall exactly how it felt.


(If you like reading birth stories feel free to take a look at my previous post.)

26 comments:

historygirlie said...

I agree...I swelled massively but yet I loved the feeling of being pregnant. Enjoy every second!

Eternally Distracted said...

Sounds like you are enjoying every second despite the cankles!

Emily said...

I can relate to that feeling. I was soooo over being pregnant with my third, but at the same time I really didn't want to it end because I knew he would be my last! Now, we're almost done nursing and I'm going through the same emotional turmoil again! Hang in there!

BeautifulWreck said...

I only enjoyed two of my pregnancies. I envy those of you who love it so.

lakeviewer said...

You just captured that feeling wonderfully. And because you did, we all remember it too, those few months of sheer delight of expectation and anticipation.

Riahli said...

This post, almost word for word, is exactly how I am feeling about my pregnancy.

I am not at the miserable, swollen, everything hurts part yet...but that will happen soon enough. My legs/ankles/feet turn into clubs, no kidding, is an ugly sight to behold.

Stephanie said...

I'm glad you are enjoying it and I hope I can be that optimistic when that's me where you are in February. Right now I'm not having a great outlook because I'm so sick...

Splaneyo said...

Welcome to #4...
I feel your pain (the joy too). There are so many things that are different the 4th time around, but at the end of the day your ankles are swollen just the same.
=)

Heather

sitting on the mood swing at the playground said...

As someone who always wanted to be pregnant and experience everything that goes along with it...I love this post. Thank you! I got to hold my son before he had been on earth for a full day so I got the snuggly baby part.

Dawn said...

You have had a hectic pregnancy. I hope this last month is relaxing, and comfortable for you.

Nap Warden said...

That wasn't me. I couldn't wait to be done being pregnant. I do love having a baby in the house though...enjoy:)

Karen Deborah said...

poor baby make sure you are doing ok! Love your attitude! the baby is going to make everything feel better. she is going to be so pretty can't wait to see her!

Momisodes said...

I was the same way towards the end of the pregnancy with my daughter. It was amazing to see how much bigger EVERYTHING was with the swelling.

I hope these final weeks are wonderful and cool for you.

Hilary said...

Actually it'll be exactly the right time. Enjoy it, Kat. You've so earned this joy.

Indy said...

I have about one week to go. I love the anticipation too. I always say that God makes you so darn uncomfortable at the end so that you will actually be happy when it ends and not mind labor. Wishing you a wonderful month of dreaming and an easy labor. I can't wait to read about it.

DysFUNctional Mom said...

Love the new background!
And I don't believe for one moment that you look anything less than beautiful. Impossible!

Dani said...

I hope I feel the same way my second time around... which I think might be here but I just don't know yet???

Lisa said...

I get every word of what you wrote. I don't know if I can ever be alright with not experiencing it one more time. And I. Was. Miserable at the end! Enjoy/hate every minute of it - Grace will be here before you know it! (yes, I think she'll be Grace!)

Linda said...

I came to your site from Wisteria and Roses, and I love the way you have caught the essence of pregnancy. I am way past that time in my life, but do remember those days fondly, when I do remember. I loved having babies in my home. I loved the toddler stage, and school days, and mostly the teen years. Now I get enjoy the grandkids, and enjoy them too.

Enjoy this time!

Krystyn said...

It's trying to find that happy place, isn't it? The balance.

I'm so glad you are enjoying it.

imbeingheldhostage said...

I get what you're saying... it lasts too long and yet it's never long enough is it? What a wonderful time. I still miss touching my tummy and feeling a little foot (now I just feel little blobs of fat deposits--not the same warm fuzzy feeling for those).

Maureen said...

I felt EXACTLY the same way. And 18 years later, I still remember the way it felt. So no, you won't forget.

Great post.

Moannie said...

You see? This is precisely why we women keep having babies, and our men will never get it. How blesses are we.

Cheffie-Mom said...

Beautiful post! Congrats on the Post of the Day Award from David's authorblog!

Pouty Lips said...

At first I thought you were talking about menopause until I got to the knitting little lady's pink blankie. Congrats on post of the day nomination.

indicaspecies said...

Here from David's Authorblog.

You've expressed your feelings beautifully! All the best.

Words To Live By

Be grateful for each new day.
A new day that you have never lived before.
Twenty-four new, fresh, unexplored hours to use usefully and profitably.
We can squander, neglect, or use them.
Life will be richer or poorer by the way we use today.
Finish every day and be done with it.
You have done what you could;
some blunders and absurdities crept in;
forget them as soon as you can.
Tomorrow is a new day.
You shall begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be
encumbered with your old nonsense.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson