Christmas Warped

Yes, yes. I know I don't do memes. But I was forced! I was muscled into it! She made me do it! And trust me, you do not want to mess with her. She is one tough cookie. Why do you think she calls herself Imbeingheldhostage? She is referring to ME! Okay, fine, maybe she is talking about being held hostage by her five children, but you get the idea. Plus, she lives In The Gutter! Don't mess with J!

So here ya go, J, you asked for it. This one is for you.

Does Santa wrap presents or set them under the tree? I don't know how lazy "Santa" is at your house but the "Santa" here wraps the gifts AND sets them under the tree. Oh yeah. You heard dat right!

Colored lights or white lights on the tree? WHAT???? Who even says something like that? That's not very politically correct.

When do you put your decorations up? When the last group of geese take vee-shaped flight to the sky. When I can see my breath in the car on the way to school in the morning. When I begin wearing socks to bed. Or, the first weekend in December. Which ever comes first.

What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)? Are you saying that you eat food OTHER than dessert for holiday dinner? That's weird.

Favorite Holiday memory as a child: It was Christmas Eve, and I was about 5 or 6 years old. My mom and dad were just finishing up reading Twas The Night Before Christmas to get me to sleep when all of a sudden I heard sleigh bells. I jumped up from my bed and ran to my bedroom window. When I looked outside I saw a big, golden sleigh filled with presents and 8 reindeer too! Just then I heard a thump downstairs and though my parents told me to slow down I sprinted down the stairs where I saw SANTA putting presents beneath our tree! He quickly turned to see me, smiled, and motioned for me to come to him. I cautiously walked over, my legs shaking with excitement. He told me that little girls are supposed to be in bed by now so that he could do his job. I apologized immediately, and he chuckled his bowl full of jelly laugh. He reached into his enormous sack and pulled out the most beautiful dolly I'd ever seen. I thanked Santa a thousand times and he sent me back to bed. I hugged that dolly tight all night long, and I still have her to this day.
Oh wait. Nope. That doesn't sound right. Yep. Oh yeah. Mm-hmm. That was a dream. Never happened. But it would have been pretty cool, right?

When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? You mean about him being Satan? I think I heard that from a lady handing out fliers in front of a strip club one night.

Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? Only if I can stay awake longer than everyone else.

How do you decorate your Christmas tree? With my toes. I told you I have very long toes. It's impressive, really. And the lovely scent of the Frasier Fir covers up the toe-jam stentch quite nicely.

Snow! Love it or Dread it? Love it. Until I start to dread it.

Can you ice skate? They don't call me Brilliant Blades for nothing!

Do you remember your favorite gift? Nope.

What's the most important thing about the Holidays for you? Eating as much food as I can without throwing up.

What is your favorite Holiday Dessert? The biggest one.

What is your favorite tradition? Winning the food eating contest.

Which do you prefer, Giving or Receiving? Giving. The business.

What is your favorite Christmas Song? The Christmas Song

Candy Canes! Yuck or Yum? It depends. Does my breath stink?

Ever recycled a Christmas present? Aren't we all supposed to be going green?