Thursday, March 13, 2008

A Ranting I Go

I know I've mentioned this before, but I have to bring it up again because it keeps happening. And it really bothers me. The comments. The completely brainless, hurtful, ignorant comments. They just keep coming. And I really don't get it. Why do people feel they can say whatever pops into their heads? And why do they feel they can ask a stranger a personal question? What is that?

This time the offenders were at Wal-mart (go figure), but it could have just as easily been at the grocery store, at a restaurant, or at a park.

After my glasses collapsed in my hands yesterday I realized I had to bite the bullet and buy a new pair. I usually avoid Wal-mart like the plague, but I am just too cheap to buy glasses anywhere else, so off we went.
The ever-so-helpful (can you hear the sarcasm in that?) employee in the optical center spent approximately 10 minutes watching me try on glasses and talking to my boys when she says, "Wow. Three boys. Are they all yours?"

"Nope. Just found them outside. Lucky, huh?" I wanted to say. But I didn't.

"Um. Yeah. They're all mine." I said with a snarky laugh. I mean, she was standing right next to me listening to them calling me mom this whole time. We were talking about their birthdays, favorite colors, and cartoons. Hell-O!??!

"Are you gonna try for a girl?" she asks me, right in front of my gorgeous boys.

"No. I might try for another baby, but it is up to God to decide if we get a boy or a girl, and I'll take what I can get." I said giving her the evil eye.

I couldn't help it. I didn't want to sound bitchy and mean, but these comments make me crazy! I can't believe people are willing to ask strangers these questions. I think my response finally gave her a clue to shut her yap and ring up my flipping glasses before I really lost it, because after that she didn't say much.

We left the optical center and wandered around the Easter aisles as a treat to the boys for being so well behaved. When we were done sniffing all the Easter chocolates and fingering all the stuffed animals I remembered that were out of oranges and milk. I quickly grabbed what we needed and began looking for an open register. I wheeled the cart around the corner of the check-out and approached the cashier.

The first thing out of her loud mouth was, "Oh My God! Look at ALL THOSE KIDS!"

I furrowed my brow, looked behind me to see if she was talking to someone else and then said, "Are you serious? There are three. Not twelve! How is three a lot of kids?"

She says, "Well, it is three more than I have!"

I just rolled my eyes. I kept my head down and my mouth shut, and got out of there as fast as I could.

Whatever. I am so done with these comments. I get them all the time. You'd think I would be used to it by now, but I'm not. It catches me off guard every time. I always think of smart, sassy comebacks after I've calmed down, but in the moment I just stand there wide-eyed with my jaw on the floor. Shocked at people's thoughtlessness.

I think one of the worst ones was when my hubby and I stopped at a restaurant with our boys on the way up north to the cabin. We walked past the bar and heard a man bellow to his wife loudly enough for the whole room to hear, "Look at those blond kids. Those two have dark hair. I wonder whose kids those are 'cause they sure aren't THEIRS!"

I wanted to run over and scream at him. I wanted to tell him that even though I gave birth to my kids sometimes people adopt children, and maybe the children don't look like them, but those children are just as much theirs as if the same blood ran in their veins. I wanted to tell him how hurtful his comment could be to someone who is worried about what ignorant arses like him think. I wanted to rush home, grab the pics of me as a baby, and show him my blond curly hair. I wanted to tell him that this dark brown hair is not my natural color. I wanted to smack him in his freaking face. I wanted to, but of course, I didn't. Because it wouldn't have done any good.

People just don't think.

Just this month I've heard:

"You're crazy!"- for having 3 boys fabulous boys.

"It looks like your pushing a freaking bus."- said in an under-the-breath, evil-eyed way when I was pushing my well behaved boys through the grocery store in their car cart.

"You need a hobby." Nice. I don't even know what to say to this one.

"You want more kids?" If you knew my kids you would want more of them too.

"Are you gonna keep trying until you get a girl?" Why, are they better?
Sigh.

I know I shouldn't let these ridiculous comments bother me, but they do. My boys have ears. They hear these comments too. Are they supposed to think that I am crazy for having them? Or that maybe I would rather have girls? How are these comments supposed to make them feel?

Does anyone else have this same problem? What is the most annoying comment you get? And what do you do? What do you say? Do you just smile politely and move on, or do you send them a zinger? Because truthfully, I wouldn't mind handing out a few zings every now and again. If I had a few good ones. Do you have some zingers for me?

61 comments:

FUN-ky Mama said...

Holy crap. I have 3 kids and thankfully, I very rarely hear comments like that. Even when we have SS with us, we don't get that much. I wish I did have a great snarky comeback for you! I'm sure somebody will.
P.S. You have a present on my blog.
Come see!

monalisa.smile said...

I just came across your blog for the first time... wow, I can't believe people would say stuff like that!!! Three kids is not a lot! Some people are so rude. I'm starting to realize even asking friends when they're going to have kids, or more kids, is a rude question. A few of my friends are dealing with infertility, some secretly for some time, so I've realized even those more "harmless" questions regarding children can actually come across as hurtful. People should just mind their own business.

Chrissy said...

Wow. I can't believe someone said you need a hobby. How rude!

I got a lot of that kind of stuff when my kids were your kids' ages, mostly people shocked by how close together they were, or maybe by the noise level they generated, who knows, but thankfully it has tapered off.

However, every time I go to the grocery store without the kids, every employee, from the produce guy to the stock boy to the checker, asks me where my entourage is, or how in the world I got out of the house without the kids. In a friendly way, but still disturbing.

Brittany said...

1) You were at Walmart- enough said.

2) Three? Not that many kids, silly people!!

3) People need to mind their own business!!

Do you ever get: "You are TOO young to have kids and to be married" GRR. Ok, yes, we got married young...yes, we are 25 & 26 and have been married forever and have two kids. GET OVER IT.

Wow- thanks Kathryn... I needed that vent! ha ha.

Hope tomorrow is better and I hope you encounter smarter people. :)

krissy said...

I get the opposite of you! I get "don't you think she would be happier if she had a sibling?" or the worst was "Who is she going to lean on when you and your husband are old and dying?"......
I said "Well, thanks for bringing more stress and worries into my life and thanks for playing Ghandi! You really do have all the answers to life, eh?!"

Or "she has only child syndrome!" Yes, she does...I know this...but it doesn't change my decision to have any more! And yeah, I couldn't have anymore if I tried (besides adoption!)

I would say to the ignorants!
"You must have really bratty kids if you wouldn't want anymore...that really sucks!" That should shut em up!

If you need more comebacks...come talk to me! I have a bunch!

Ashley said...

What the heck!? Dude...I want 5 kids...and I don't even care what people say to me.

I do get crap all the time about L being mine...people think I'm like 16. lol. When I'm with my parents, they think me and L are SISTERS!!!

Not everyone...but a LOT of ppl.

People suck.

the dragonfly said...

People are stupid.

I'm sorry you have to hear things like that.

If it helps, you *do* have wonderful boys. :)

lime said...

i am a brown eyed very greek looking brunette. my oldest daughter is a very fair redhead. my second daughter is a clone of me. i've had people actually argue with me about whether or not i could have given birth to a redhead. once when she was a little older i was half tempted to say, 'roll up your sleeve, kiddo. it's time for another DNA test to prove to this dolt that you're mine.'

btw, i have 3 kids also. don't think i've ever had people act like i was herding around an entire baseball team. some folks are just rude. sorry you are having to deal with it.

imbeingheldhostage said...

"I do have a hobby-- it's sex with my husband-- anytime anywhere baby--" THAT"s what you say. For 18 years I got the "Are you trying for a girl?" (we've discussed this before) and I never TRIED for a girl, she just happened to be a pleasant little surprise when we thought we were done (I cried the first 6 or so pregnancy months.. ."What will I do with a girl?!").
Your boys are beautiful, and they are in a loving home with a smart, wonderful Mom--something those people know nothing about, because only someone raised in ignorance says such thoughtless things.

wright said...

I don't have any zingers for you, just hugs! I am sorry about all those stupid people's comments. I get a few because my baby has light hair and blue eyes (I have black hair and brown eyes, but hubby has blue eyes!). It hurts every time.

Cara said...

I am with Brittany- you were at Wal-Mart first of all, I like you avoid the place like the plague as well.
I am in the homestretch of my second pregancy with my second son (yeah!!!!) and everyone asks me if a) will I try again for a girl or b)did I wish for a girl.
A) I may try again for another baby and will be thrilled no matter what B) all I wished for was a healthy baby (so far all is well, I am Blessed)
People really just don't think or maybe they just aren't as fortunate as we are to have wonderful, vibrant, health children!

Nan Patience said...

Wal-Mart--UGH!

Stupid people--Ugh!!

Good rant, and you're absolutely 100% right.

Kathryn said...

Thanks everyone. I know it shouldn't bother me, and I certainly don't care what some idiot thinks, but I don't want my boys to feel badly. That is what bothers me the most. The fact that these comments are made in front of my boys. grrrrr
I think Chrissy is right. I think it is the fact that the boys are so close in age. Maybe that makes it look "crazy".
Again. Thanks for letting me rant, and thanks for the supportive comments. :)

Splaneyo said...

I too get those comments - not so many rude ones, but the "are they all yours?" ones. Occasionally I get the "have you figured out where they come from?" comment. My husband and I have noticed a huge difference in reactions when we tell them number 4 is on the way. With the first two it was always "congratulations", with number three there was a pause and then "congratulations" and with number 4 people always feel the need to do the math for you, "4, wow, 4" and we are lucky to get a congratulations at all. Thanks folks - we can count.

People have such different experiences parenting that some think of 3 or 4 as torture rather than more joy. Lucky for us, we get to experience the joy! Just know that for every rude comment there are even more people that look at you with envy and would love to have boys as cute as yours.

Kelly said...

My heart was breaking for you as I read that. As the mom of 3 boys, I've heard all of those comments too, it makes me crazy, especially the girl comments. It's as if people think your family isn't complete unless you have at least one of both sex. I hate that.

You need to come up with good comebacks and have them ready for times like that!! LOL Or the ones you did you, you should have said out loud instead of thinking them! :)

Dawn said...

Since when is three a lot of kids? And even if you did have 12 kids, it still would have been rude to say something like that! I'm sorry you had to deal with rude people like that.

Nissa said...

I can't imagine people saying that crap to you! Three isn't a boatload of kids!(more than I can handle, but I'd never imply that you must've kept trying for a girl!)Rude, plain rude.

I get the 'Wow! What an age gap! Did you 'try' for her?' (Tristan is 10 years older than Melodie- and although she was our 'bonus baby' from God, that's not some stranger's business!) I can only imagine how she'll feel when she's old enough to understand that comment...

Elaine A. said...

Next time, if it's a woman who makes the comment about trying for a girl, just say, "Why, so they can turn out rude like you??" Ok, that's a little mean spirited... but I'm thinkin' it might shut her up!

I only have 2 boys and I get the "trying for a girl" thing. Fact is, it probably wouldn't happen even if we tried!

Your sons are gorgeous and wonderful and that's all you need to know.

Now, just take the kids out with ear muffs on - no biggie, right? ; )

Oh, and btw, I tagged you for a little meme over at my place...

suchsimplepleasures said...

i have 5 kids...i so get what you are saying!! are all those yours? what a, basically, stupid question!! i always get "are you going to have a 6th...like the brady bunch?" um...no and none of your business.
i know! people are so in everyone elses business...it's them that needs to get a hobby, besides nosiness and being irritating!!
xoxo

Laura said...

I hear some of that all the time - I can really relate. Now, since our 3rd was a girl, I get, WOW you must be happy you finally got your girl!

People are idiots...well, some of them!

You have really hit on a pet peeve of mine!!!!

thanks for sharing!

just jamie said...

Oh Kathryn, what insensitive, clueless pea-brains (that's the G-rated version of what I'm thinking in my head).

Here' my favorite comeback:

Dummy: "You sure have your hands full."

Me: "Better full than empty."

:)

Anonymous said...

I totally agree with Iambeingheldhostage!! Not only do you say that, you do that!!!! xoxo your hubby :)

Mary Beth said...

I get it from the other side - "Don't you want kids?" Since I'm over 40, either A) No, I didn't, or B) I can't. Which topic would *you* like to discuss, Nosy?

My Life With Boys said...

I think I have gotten every single one of those comments minus the blond one (I'm blond...plus the baby has dark hair). I seriously get at least (on the minimum) three or four comments when I'm out and about with all my beautiful boys. I also get the 'you look too young to have any kids let alone THREE!'. Yay, I just smile and nod and pretend to ignore any muffled comments (under there breath), ect. Anyway, have a great day!

painted maypole said...

oy. you seem to be handling it well when it happens, by showing your boys how loved and treasured they are.

as the mother of one, we get LOTS of questions about when we'll be having another (and assumptions about how one is not enough). They are particularly hard because for a time we didn't agree on whether to have more or not, and there is a lot of hurt under the surface about it, that I'd really rather not go into with every aquaintance who thinks it's OK to say "when will you have another?" i actually blogged a bit about it a while back.

Kathryn said...

Hubby- HAHA! I knew you would like that one. But I think you mean not only SHOULD I say that but I SHOULD do that. HAHA!! You are funny ya little perv. ;)

The Immoral Matriarch said...

I want to tell you to tell them to F off. But you're a nice girl so I know that's out of the question.

anglophilefootballfanatic said...

I read this right before I had to go to the MDO Easter party. I was angry the whole time I was gone. I think you have gorgeous boys. They obviously adore each other & you. That people could be so high & mighty is appalling. Esp. getting talk at Wally World. Seriously? You have my perfect family. If I could be guaranteed two more boys, I think I would be in heaven.

Kellan said...

Well, you know I have 4 kids and am pretty old to boot - so, YES - I constantly get crazy and inappropriate and hurtful questions. I'm not good with the zingers either - I wish I was because I get tired of it too.

Take care - Kellan

Motherhood for Dummies said...

I can't believe how stupid people are...well I take that back. I am AMAZED at how stupid people can be. Good for you for having a wonderful family and wanting more. You obvisouly doing something right and why wouldn't you want more of a good thing!
My family got a lot of comments...there are 6 of us kids and my mom got a zing one time because they accidently left my brother at his baseball game. Mom my thought my dad has him and vise-versa. You know....she got a snippy comment of how to keep track of ALL her kids.
So sorry for all the stupid people you keep running into!

girlymom said...

I am so glad you wrote this...

I get exactly the opposite~ are you going to keep trying for a boy? When our 4th girl was born, one of the first comments was...WOW another girl, your Hubby must have been pretty upset when she was born!! OMG...hello can you at least wait till I leave the hospital to insult me and my husband? For crying out loud!

3rd daughter was born and we were leaving the hospital, the doctor told us he has read up on this and we should meet with him before we try again because he might be able to give us some pointers...gee thanks!

Here's what I say...
~there's still room in the car
~she matches the decor in the house
~we are just trying to save money with hand me downs
~I don't know how to potty train the other kind (hmm, yeah as if that's a reason!)
~my Hubby's 2nd favorite hobby is fishing

Your going to have more?
~Yup
~Mmmm we'll see, depends on how good the margaritas are
~Simply shrug...keeps 'em guessing

How many more?
~Don't know, what do you think is a good number?
~We'll pull a number out of a hat, kinda like in the lottery, but we are the guaranteed winners

I could go on and on...we actually sat around one night with a good glass of wine and came up with fun remarks...we get comments often!
Wine night...
~well, since the first half are all girls we figure the second half will have to be boys right?
~she just can't keep her hands off me! (obviously Hubby thought up this one)
~well since we like our children and they seem to be turning out ok, but not perfect we thought we would keep trying till we reached perfection.
~Practice makes perfect
I've even been offered a swap, ya know so I could have a boy...yeah that's sweet.

I agree with you, if people are going to comment they can at least be kind and respectful of the children's feelings~ C'mon!

You are blessed with beautiful little boys and all that matters is that you know that and not all the knuckleheads out there who don't get it!

4 Little Men said...

Well deserved rant... I was going to post something about this soon. It always gets worse (for me) when I'm pregnant. Just the other day at trader joes the lady saw how much fruit I was buying and said "have a lot of kids at home?" (they were in the car with dad) I said 'yes.. 4" and she asked what they were?? and I told her "4 boys" and then she said "so... you just kept going for that girl huh?" I was LIVID... I didn't even respond, I was done and just walked away. The nerve of some people.

Brittany

Kathryn said...

Brittany- I was wondering if you have been getting more comments now that you are pregnant. I suspected you would, unfortunately. Wait until you tell people you are having twins! I love it! I think you are awesome!!!
Girlymom- I knew you would have some insight on this too, having 4 girls. I love all of your zingers. I am going to have to write them down and pull them out of my pocket next time. LOL
As far as the comment you got at the hospital I had that happen to me to. After Ben was born I had two different nurses ask me if I was hoping for a girl and if I was disappointed. What THE HELL? Thankfully I was on a beautiful baby high because if I would have been suffering from PPD I would have chucked myself out of a window. Don't they teach nurses how to speak to people? Sheesh!

wheelsonthebus said...

I think the "try for a girl" question comes from all the people who will say, "We're going to try for the girl, next." I do not get it myself -- a kid is a kid. But those folks set us up for this kind of thing.

I would just ignore the comments. Not worth your time.

Kelley said...

I've got three boys, and one on the way (it happens to be a girl). I never got nasty comments like these when we lived in Utah (surprise, surprise), but I get them all the time here in the mid-west. It really, really bothers me, but I figure that other people can be as stupid as they want. I certainly don't have to join them. Idiots!

Nap Warden said...

One of the advantages of living in a big city is that people don't talk to you so much. I did find that when I was pregnant, people thought they could say anything to me...Seriously people, who asked you! Don't let the crazies get you down:)

Jenny said...

I agree these comments are very rude - but at the same time I kind of have to question "Have I ever said something like that to someone?" I hope not but I might have! I'm really going to pay attention now! It sounds like you are being a great role model for your boys in the way you respond to these comments.

Sandy C. said...

I posted something like this last week for the Thursday 13. Almost EVERY. SINGLE. WEEK. someone stops me or says under their breath a comment about me being my daughters nanny, sitter, or helper. And I too always come up with a smart-ass comeback after the fact :( I'm Asian, and my daughter doesn't look it. The stares and comments are just sad reminders that ignorance is still alive and well.

Craver Vii said...

No zingers from me. Children are a gift from God. The Bible says they're like arrows in the hands of a warrior and blessed are the people who's quiver is full.

I have four children and wish we could have more! My oldest has been married 7 years and feels a profound anguish over the fact that she can't have babies.

My guess is that people look at you and your wonderful boys and in a poor attempt to befriend you say the first thing that comes to their mind. Even though the comment comes out stupid. Smile and assume the best.

Mr Lady said...

You only have THREE? And you get comments like that?

I sometimes get that, too (three also) but I had my first two REALLY young, so I can ALMOST sort of understand. Whenever I get that you, you know, THAT look? I say, before they can say anything, "Yeah, if I have any more kids I'll have to move into a shoe."

Either they're smart enough to get it, and they laugh, or they don't get it at all and think I'm totally nutso and so they shut up. :)

arambledlife said...

I was at a Jewel or a Meijer (back in my Chicago days) and I had my son (who wasn't even 2 yet) and I was hugely (or so I felt) pregnant with my daughter. I look young even now at 28, so I've definitely had comments about my kids actually being mine, but anyway the cashier watched me unload my groceries and then asked me for my food stamps and WIC checks. Huh? I just glared at her (for making an assumption based on what she presumed my age and station was) and said something about paying with my own money. I don't think I ever went to that Jewel/Meijer again and I so wish I had talked to her manager. I cried about it when my husband got home because it made me feel about 2 inches tall.

I've also had comments that because I have a boy and a girl I certainly don't need to have anymore children.

People are just rude. I don't think there is anyway to get around that... It is unfortunate that they choose to say such things with our children present as if they are too dimwitted to understand adult conversation.

Mandy said...

I am appalled at how RUDE people can be!!!!!

Next time say something really smart a** back to them.

I used to get rude comments when I was pregnant... I was 20 and her dad and I weren't married yet (we are now). I looked even younger than that, though.

At work, customers would ask "are you going to finish high school??"

I may have been young but I wasn't THAT young, and even if I WAS, none of their business!!

One lady always asked, EVERY DAY, "Are you married yet?"

GAH!

People suck sometimes!!

OHmommy said...

Are you serious? There are three. Not twelve!

I will have to remember that one. I love that!!!

"WOW... you have YOUR hands full" I get that one all the time. And I answer... "Better full then empty!"

Jewelgirl said...

In this great city everyone
is just wondering if you're
on the welfare rolls, you
know it's their business if
they're paying taxes for
those boys.... So many jerks
every where. Best thing if
you don't spout off, cause
the boys will learn that too.
Then they'll use it on you
when they're older! LOL
Ignore the brainless fools,
and know that your better for
it! ((HUGS))

Melissa said...

Ugh....

I get the "is he yours" all the time for my second one. He is very fair, and I'm black haired/black eyed, olive skinned. Someone even asked if I was his nanny. Jerk.

But good rant. :) People can really suck sometimes. I'm glad I'm not one. :)

photomommy said...

Tbe worst comment I've ever gotten about my kids is when we told someone (that we knew) that our daughter was autistic they replied "Oh, that's too bad. Don't you wish she was normal?"

What a kick in the gut.

The nerve of some people.

Thanks for visiting my blog. :)

Jenni said...

I'm sure it's because yours are close in age, like mine. My sister has 4, each 2-3 years apart and she rarely gets the comments. Mine are 1 1/2 years apart, and I get them constantly!

But I have to admit, I love wearing my "Birth control is for Sissies" shirt in public. That gets me some looks. I'm sure as soon as I start showing with #5, the comment factor is only going to get worse.

I know it's difficult, but try to come up with some good responses. My husband and I have perfected the responses. When asked if it (pregnancy) was planned (it was), we always respond, "planned? you mean they can be planned?" The looks are priceless. The comment I get by far the most is, "you must be really busy!" I always say, "I wouldn't have it any other way." I want my kids to hear my excitement not exasperation when I am speaking of them.

Anyway, hang in there. People just speak out of their butts sometimes!

Kari said...

I wish I had a snarky remark for you. I get asked all the time, "So, when are you having kids?" "Don't you want kids?"

I tell them the truth. We would LOVE to have children, but we CAN'T have kids of our own. You should see the looks on their faces at that point. I say that not to make them feel bad but to hopefully make them realize that they're touching a VERY sensitive area and they really have no business asking anyone those questions. Sadly, this just leads them to the "Have you considered adoption?" question (which I hate!). It's none of their business.

Three is not a lot of kids. Yours are so adorable. Do you use the answers you wrote after the questions when people ask them?

As for the hobby question...Tell them you have a hobby and that's how you got 3 beautiful boys. :-)

the Mom said...

You should come shopping with me and my 5 sometime. We don't do Wal-Mart, I have this whole boycott Wal-Mart thing going on, but we could go to Target. I don't make snarky comments back any more, I've trained the children to make them for me. THere's nothing like having a three year old look up at you with her big brown eyes and say "Which one of us was the too many?" to stop 'em dead in their tracks.

Amy said...

I so completely feel your pain on this!!! It pisses me off to no end when people ask say "wow, four girls" or "are they all yours" or "are you going to try for the boy". Is four not enough? Do I really need a son to make my life complete? UGH!! Drives me nuts!

Eve said...

I have been guilty of commenting on people's children. I hope never in a rude or condescending manner. I was blessed with only one child. After her I could never carry a second one. (Thankfully, no one ever felt the need to comment on her being an 'only.') I love kids and they fascinate me - my own and strangers. If I comment it's because I think how wonderfully blessed you are and how much fun I might have had given the opportunity to "push a bus." Try to remember that some of these comments are made out of envy, not malice.

Melissa said...

I would have lost my mind if I had to listen to any of the things you mention above.

My favorite is 'when are you going to have more?' or 'you can't stop with one.'

Amazingly I can, it's a little thing called infertility...now STFU!!

Nice blog!

Kim said...

As an adoptive mother of a bi-racial son I can probably beat you with the rude remarks. When we go out as a family- 2 very white parents- many people will stare trying to figure out which is the "real" parent. I know this because we have been asked by total strangers. When my son was three we had a woman walk up and ask if I was babysitting, when I said no (I was very confused at this point) she asked if I had adopted. I got what she was asking and turned the tables with "why would you ask me that?" She stomped off without another word. I looked at my son and said "is she crazy or what?" When my son was nine we had a neighbor tell him he had parents that are "the wrong color." I explained that people have different "wrapping paper" just like our eyes, height and hair color. But it's just the packaging, we are alike on the insides. No doctor could tell by an x-ray what color either of us is. We are the parents God chose for him and not to let anyone make him think differently.
You have beautiful sons, truly a gift from God. Our society is too self centered to realize the blessings they are. It is easy for people to tell you to just ignore those people. But the message they are delivering within the hearing of our children can still be hurtful.

Haley-O said...

I get questions about breastfeeding all the time. My rascals barely 6 months, and I do it for a year -- with the monkey, too, I did it for a year. I always get snide remarks about it, and "uch," etc.... Nice.

I get pressure from people about the fact that the monkey's still in diapers......

Glad you got to vent about all of this here. That helps, doesn't it. :) Glad we can be here for you. Those people -- who asks those questions -- are ignorant!

Flea said...

WOW. That's just so - wow. I have three. Always wanted 6 boys. But only three. People don't typically make rude comments when they see us - maybe I look intimidating - but when I'm asked how many kids I have, I always say, "Just three." The response is always, "JUST three?" So I tell them how many I wanted and what a disappointment it was to stop at three. They usually shut up at that point.

I hope you come up with a snappy answer. If you do, practice in the mirror and with friends till it comes naturally. The once or twice I've gotten the rudeness, I've always just been wistful with, "Yeah, but I wanted 6." I like being perceived as crazy.

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

People are stupid and suck. If I could count the number of times I've been asked when we are going to have another (because, obviously, if you only have one you must be planning for more). I think if you don't have exactly one boy and one girl, people assume something is wrong with you. Whatever!

Julie Pippert said...

Yes, I get comments all the time. More so here, where big, big families and "must have a SON!" is apparently a priority of higher significance than back where we lived before.

It began right when I moved here and was pregnant.

Pregnancy was a miracle for me. We went through so much suffering and loss to even get PG much less be PG and have our two kids.

I grew up with a sister and was thrilled to have another girl on the way. I did grieve a little, letting go of the dream boy, but that was separate from my girl.

Someone asked if I was having a boy or girl and I said girl and got, "Better luck next time!"

It's horrid on either side, truly.

I don't know why. I don't.

(HUGS) to you.

Mom24 said...

I have 4 kids, but my oldest is 23. Then we have 15, 7 and 5. We endured a lot of idiotic comments all through number 3 and 4. "Don't you know they can stop this now?" is one of my all time favorites. What an assinine thing to say. Then there's the doctor at a CHILDREN'S hospital saying "yup I was an OOPS too.". NONE of my children are or ever were an OOPS. I hate that. Then, there's my all-time favorite "better you than me". Yes, you're right. Of course, we also get "are they all yours?" or "how many times have you been married?" Once. It's amazing what people feel like they can say. Try not to let them get to you. I know it's hard.

LaskiGal said...

Do people seriously say this stuff? Well, yeah, I guess they do. Thank goodness for good people.

I should save this for a post (I'll probably post about it anyway), but just the other day T and I went to a restaurant with J (a rare occasion). J was being so sweet. Our server was all ga ga over him. He was quietly playing with his toy and making little cooing sounds. A couple walk by with the hostess and the woman says (just loud enough for us to hear), "Um, can we sit somewhere else?" With a disgusted look on her face, she looks directly at us, at J. Um, what? T, gosh I love him, says DIRECTLY to her and in a nice voice, "We'll be leaving in just a minute so you won't have to worry about our son interfering with your meal." WHAAAAT? Yeah, he said it.

She was seated right next to us. Her eyes never left the menu. J never made a peep and we left as quietly as we had come in.

Golightly said...

Ugh. Stupid people with no internal voice. Heck, I thought I was an odd ball for having only one child (from my flesh and blood - as big brother is 17 and from hubby's first marriage) I also get the opposite, "Are you going to try for a girl?, are you going to try for a sibling?"
Who are you????

I think all those idiots should go live in China if they want to only one child families. Seriously though, that same person that said to you "Are they ALL yours??" would say to me, "Aren't you going to have more?" **SIGH**

Rhen @yestheyareallmine said...

I know you posted this back in March but someone left your link on my blog and I had to check it out.
I also get these questions and have learned to answer smart mouth questions with humor and a little sarcasm. The people who are nice and just curious get a smile and a really nice answer.
All that goes out the window if they are rude to which I really want to say, "bite me"!

Words To Live By

Be grateful for each new day.
A new day that you have never lived before.
Twenty-four new, fresh, unexplored hours to use usefully and profitably.
We can squander, neglect, or use them.
Life will be richer or poorer by the way we use today.
Finish every day and be done with it.
You have done what you could;
some blunders and absurdities crept in;
forget them as soon as you can.
Tomorrow is a new day.
You shall begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be
encumbered with your old nonsense.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson