Friday, October 10, 2014

Seek Joy

I drove down the road through a car wash of honey and rust colored falling leaves. The light seeped through the tunnel of trees and reflected off the fluttering leaves as they danced across my windshield spilling onto the road. It was a moment of pure joy.

A smile spread across my face and I just couldn't help but gasp at the beauty unfolding in front of me.

I had a moment.


I have been actively seeking joy lately. Seeking joy in all things. 

Sometimes that is easier said than done.

Recently I realized I had been suffering a hormonal imbalance for the last few years. This past summer it came to a head in both physical and emotional ways. Weight gain, horrible skin, sleepless nights, feelings of anxiety, extreme moodiness, grouchiness, and quick temper all seemed to plague me and wore themselves on me like a heavy cloak. Like depression. 

Todd noticed. I'm sure the kids noticed. And eventually I noticed. 

I had previously attributed my exhaustion and moods to motherhood (not to mention the last few years have been tough ones for our family). Taking care of a family of six is not easy. It can wear on a person. But I wondered when I began feeling like my life was more of a chore than a blessing. When did I become a person who is always noticing the bad and overlooking the good?

I used to be a very joyful person. I used to be a very upbeat. I always had boundless energy. I was quick to make a joke, always ready to laugh. I was always busy and I thrived on it. I was spontaneous and, to be honest, I was a blast. I was always able to find joy in simple things and have fun at any moment.

I wanted to get that back again. I wanted my kids to know that person better. I wanted to be more like the person Todd first fell in love with. I didn't want to feel like I was faking my way through the "fun" days or having to try so hard to be happy and relaxed.  I didn't want it to feel like such work.

I researched how to balance hormones naturally and started taking supplements. It has only been a month and I can definitely feel the difference. I am already more relaxed, more energetic, more patient, and more myself.

I wouldn't say I'm back to the old me yet but, hopefully, I am on my way. Once the physical issues resolve themselves there is still work to be done. Life is not easy. There will always be worries and issues.

Being joyful and happy takes practice. I think it needs to be pursued. I think a conscious effort needs to be made. Negative thoughts need to be quickly stamped out and replaced with the positive. The more I think it the more it will happen. I'm working on it.

I am seeking joy in all things.


Bijoux said...

Hormones can turn your world upside down. I hope you are feeling back to your regular self.

Mimsie said...

Beautiful words and beautiful photos! I hope things go well for you.

betty said...

Beautiful pictures of the fall leaves, I miss that from Montana (but not the cold, no, never the cold). I follow a blog who always is grateful for things and always has a heart of joy. I want to be that person, but it can be so difficult to do with what life throws our way so to speak. I salute you for making the effort to seek joy!


Kat said...

Betty- Exactly. It was actually my mom that woke me up a bit. She has been fighting cancer for 9 years, then she had open heart surgery 4 years ago, and two years ago two fractured discs in her back. Recently she had a seizure and some mini strokes and a few weeks after she got out of the hospital after more issues someone hit her car in a parking lot and didn't leave a note. The poor woman! And you know what she says? She says, "Oh, but I'm fine. Really! I am so full of joy." And that just kind of hit me. I think if you can find true joy in life and notice all the blessings than everything really will be okay. I want to be like my mom. :)

Bijoux & Mimsie- I'm feeling better but we'll see. Hormones tend to be a tough thing to fix and it is always up and down and up and down. Thanks for the good thoughts!

Hilary said...

I'm sorry you've been feeling poorly for so long but good for you for taking charge and for seeking a more natural path to healing. May you feel better as each day rolls around to the next. Your trees are stunning. That is joy evoking for sure.

Riahli said...

Oh I've been there, and still struggle. But my health has improved a bit now that I've been making the effort. I'm glad you are aware and have found things that are helping. I let mine go for way too long, almost did lasting damage to myself by the time I finally gave up and went to the doctor and had a bunch of blood work/tests done. Massive adrenal fatigue and thyroid issues and well as hormonal stuff. I chose to go the natural route versus prescription meds so it's taking longer but seems to be headed in the right direction. Love your pictures, they are breathtakingly beautiful!

Wisconsin Girl said...

Love the pictures and your message. I've had a hormone imbalance for years also and just can't seem to get back to where I used to be. Working with my doctor, but don't feel like I'm where I should be. It's tough and I'm so glad you are seeking ways to find joy:)

Charmaine said...

Hey Kat :) 2 things...good for you!!! and oh how i would love to live in such a beautiful part of the are so SO lucky...great photos!!!

Unknown said...

I'd be curious to know which supplements you are taking. I have many of the same feelings you were having and was also just attributing it to the "busy" of motherhood and life...

Words To Live By

Be grateful for each new day.
A new day that you have never lived before.
Twenty-four new, fresh, unexplored hours to use usefully and profitably.
We can squander, neglect, or use them.
Life will be richer or poorer by the way we use today.
Finish every day and be done with it.
You have done what you could;
some blunders and absurdities crept in;
forget them as soon as you can.
Tomorrow is a new day.
You shall begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be
encumbered with your old nonsense.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson