Seek Joy

I drove down the road through a car wash of honey and rust colored falling leaves. The light seeped through the tunnel of trees and reflected off the fluttering leaves as they danced across my windshield spilling onto the road. It was a moment of pure joy.

A smile spread across my face and I just couldn't help but gasp at the beauty unfolding in front of me.

I had a moment.

Joy.

I have been actively seeking joy lately. Seeking joy in all things. 

Sometimes that is easier said than done.

Recently I realized I had been suffering a hormonal imbalance for the last few years. This past summer it came to a head in both physical and emotional ways. Weight gain, horrible skin, sleepless nights, feelings of anxiety, extreme moodiness, grouchiness, and quick temper all seemed to plague me and wore themselves on me like a heavy cloak. Like depression. 

Todd noticed. I'm sure the kids noticed. And eventually I noticed. 

I had previously attributed my exhaustion and moods to motherhood (not to mention the last few years have been tough ones for our family). Taking care of a family of six is not easy. It can wear on a person. But I wondered when I began feeling like my life was more of a chore than a blessing. When did I become a person who is always noticing the bad and overlooking the good?

I used to be a very joyful person. I used to be a very upbeat. I always had boundless energy. I was quick to make a joke, always ready to laugh. I was always busy and I thrived on it. I was spontaneous and, to be honest, I was a blast. I was always able to find joy in simple things and have fun at any moment.

I wanted to get that back again. I wanted my kids to know that person better. I wanted to be more like the person Todd first fell in love with. I didn't want to feel like I was faking my way through the "fun" days or having to try so hard to be happy and relaxed.  I didn't want it to feel like such work.

I researched how to balance hormones naturally and started taking supplements. It has only been a month and I can definitely feel the difference. I am already more relaxed, more energetic, more patient, and more myself.

I wouldn't say I'm back to the old me yet but, hopefully, I am on my way. Once the physical issues resolve themselves there is still work to be done. Life is not easy. There will always be worries and issues.

Being joyful and happy takes practice. I think it needs to be pursued. I think a conscious effort needs to be made. Negative thoughts need to be quickly stamped out and replaced with the positive. The more I think it the more it will happen. I'm working on it.

I am seeking joy in all things.