Thursday, May 23, 2013

Random Grump

I'm grumpy.  I've been like this for a while now.  Too long.  It is kind of a grumpy rut.

I'm feeling lonely.  Strange how you can be surrounded by people and still feel lonely.  All of these people all over me all the time (literally, climbing on me, sitting on me, hanging on me, squeezing under me on the couch) and I still feel lonely.

I have a headache.  I thought I'd try this Skinny Girl Cosmo and it tasted like garbage and ended up giving me a massive headache for a couple of days.  And I only had two small glasses.  I know, I know.  If it tasted like garbage why did I continue to drink it?  Because I spent money on it and, dammit, I don't waste liquor.

Strange how you can till some soil, plant grass seed, cover it with dirt, water it, hug it, love it, sing to it and it will refuse to grow.  Then you walk down the driveway and see grass growing out of areas you have previously done everything in your power to prevent it from growing like cracks in the cement and in the garden.  Go figure.

I wish I could combine exercise with eating healthy.  It seems I can only do one or the other.  Never both at the same time.

Speaking of running, funny story.  This morning I went for a run without Molly (Which makes me feel incredibly guilty but the last few runs she has gone on with me I've had to drag her.  Literally.  Try running for 4 miles while dragging a 50 lb dog behind you.  Not fun.  Or stress relieving. I don't know what is wrong with her lately.  Maybe she is grumpy too.) and I was really looking forward to it since my last few runs have been torture (see parenthesis above).  I was doing fairly well considering the 30 mph winds, rain, and 45 degrees until a freaking bug flew in my eye.  It was a smaller gnat, but I could feel it.  And it hurt. And I started trying to fish it out of my eye with my finger (while still running- because if I stop it will be twice as hard to start again) and ended up making it worse.  The bug went in back of my eye and then my contact came out.  Now I have a headache from running with one contact in my eye. So much for a stress relieving, rejuvenating run.  Ah well.

The weather was lovely last week.  I sat on my back patio reading my book with the kids' running and laughing as background music.  Sometimes my life seems too good to be true.  And sometimes it just seems too true.

Summer is almost here.  School will be out in a few weeks.  This is good news.  However, this will not be a lazy, relaxing summer like I always strive for.  The boys are all signed up for baseball this year and golf lessons too (a first on both sports).  Grace felt left out and wanted to try dance class and gymnastics.  Since I didn't want the boys to have to sit around and wait while she was in class I signed them up for gymnastics too.  We'll see how long that lasts. Either way, looks like we'll be doing a ton of running from here to there this summer.

I have had the same awesome strappy black heels for the past 20 years or so and they finally broke.  Beyond repair.  It ticks me off.  I've been looking at shoes for a while now because I knew they would soon need replacing and I've found nothing that comes even close to their awesomeness.

I wish I made money.  Not like with a printing machine or anything.  I wish I had a job that paid.  It gets really old the way I keep feeling guilty when I need to buy myself a new pair of shoes or something.  Even if I made just a small amount of money at least I would feel less like such a freaking leech.

In case I had any doubts, I was reminded why I should never pursue a career in television.  This past weekend I volunteered at a fundraiser where there were two celebrities from Dancing With the Stars (Max Chmerkovskiy and Chelsea Hightower) and I never would have guessed either of them to be so thin.  I mean, they were both very thin and I never thought that when I was watching them on tv.  They were also better looking in real life too.  Just a really good reminder for me to stay away from television.  I don't need any help looking bigger or less attractive.

It has been raining for days now.  It is raining right now.  And cold.  It's only 45 degrees.  That makes me not so happy.

*sigh*

The fact that I'm so grumpy for no really good reason makes me really grumpy too.  Could I be more spoiled or self involved?  Cripes!  Snap out of it!  You'd think that with all these terrible things that keep happening in the world I would realize how fortunate I am and be grateful and happy for what I have every second of the day. Instead, I am just a grump. I've got issues.

I'm hopeful that writing about my grumpiness will help me get it all out.  So far, not so much.

Sorry for taking a grump dump on all of you.  I hope it's not contagious.

18 comments:

Bijoux said...

NEVER feel bad about spending money on yourself. I used to feel that way and would go years not buying myself a freaking bra! Just plain dumb. Go buy yourself the most expensive Victoria Secret bra out there and wear it proudly! You deserve it, Mom!

Thanks for the heads up on the SkinnyGirl Cosmo. I like the margarita, but haven't tried anything else.

Dawn said...

Don't feel bad about getting those complaints out there. Sometimes it's good to know we're not alone in these things. I often have similar complaints. ; ) I hope you feel better soon.
p.s. all that driving around this summer, might actually give you more restful time than you might imagine. I get some of my best reading times in when my kids are at their various activities.

Kat said...

Bijoux- I used to think my dad was crazy when I was growing up because the man would feel guilty buying a magazine or new shoes. Now I get it. Course, at least my dad MADE money for the family. Also, to be clear, Todd has NEVER made me feel like I shouldn't spend money. That is all me.

Dawn- Thank you for that. You are probably right. I am most likely making more out of the running around then I should be. I tend to do that. It will probably end up being fun. :)

Tabor said...

Frugality is something you cannot change about yourself. But pro-rate the cost of those shoes over the time you used them and then go buy yourself the shoes you want regardless of the price! Grumpiness is normal...unless it lasts for more than a week or so. If it does, you can make a doctor's appointment and get some blood and hormone tests run. Yes, you are blessed with your lovely kids and I have one more suggestion...car pool.

Hilary said...

I agree with Bijoux. Get the VS bra and wear it proudly. But don't forget to get a t-shirt to cover it. ;)

This too shall pass, Kat.

Mom24 said...

Never, ever feel like you're not contributing. I feel so guilty that I am working, I know it would be better for my family in many ways if I weren't. Also, I look at my oldest two (grown and gone) and know 100% in my heart that there was nothing more important I could have done than been here for them as they were growing up. We are such a close family and I know that's a bit part of the reason why.

I think we all have that season of grumpiness and dissatisfaction, irritability, at least I do. I hope it passes for you soon.

Elaine Alguire said...

I adore this - "Sometimes my life seems too good to be true. And sometimes it just seems too true. "

Exactly. I know what you mean.

I'm sorry about the bug in the eye ruining your run. Please don't be mad that I laughed. I think YOU need a good laugh too! Maybe that will help you out of your rut... ;-)

Either way, sorry for the grumpy. I get this way sometimes too.

Hugs!!

Cyndy Newsome said...

The 975th reason I love you: you are SO real. xoxo Hope the grumpies go away!

Charmaine said...

Hey Kat :) sorry u r blue...i thought as much...it's awful to b stuck like u r right now...i should know...the kind of stuck where no one can help u get unstuck ... hope u feel better real soon ... just keep on trying... it can't 'rain' forever hey :) and just know this ... that even at your 'worst'[if u know what i mean] you have a way with words... your post still made me smile ! thinking of u and pulling for u too :) C

Peruby said...

Some of us feel guilty for spending money and then we feel guilty if we do get a job (because we are not home taking care of things!)

Yep. You sound completely normal to me.

Krystyn @ Really, Are You Serious? said...

I totally get what you mean. And, it's perfectly normal to be in a funk and a grump, even when we have it all!

And, the bug in your eye..that's happened to me, too, but I've never had to actually make my contact fall out. That really stinks.

I hope the gymnastics works out.

nbrsspot.blogspot.com said...

its ok. we are going to Depere Days tonight to watch the fireworks over the fox river. hope you feel better soon. take care of yourself. we all need some pampering from time to time even new shoes.

Wisconsin Girl said...

Thanks for being so real and just putting it out there. I TOTALLY get it and have been there...kind of am there myself...and just appreciate someone being honest and real about our daily lives sometimes. Here is a toast to better Cosmos, finding new strappy black heals and a good run without wind/rain/bugs in your eye!

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Honey, I've been there. It sucks. Hard. But it does get better.
You are NOT a leech. What you contribute isn't paid labor, but it's valuable, and you deserve some kind of allowance for that!

Jeni said...

I know, all too well, that of which you speak -the grumpies! Been dealing with them along with anger, resentments and depression since back in September when I found out my daughter (who lives with me) and my two sweet, precious grandkids, will be leaving me the end of June to relocate about 120-130 miles from here. Not liking this deal handed to me, not ONE LITTLE BIT but it is life on a downslide for me these days and is something over which I have no control, no ability to change, not a whit, save myself. So I'm trying very hard to accept that which is coming and to add a whole lot of forgiveness into my demeanor. The latter takes a whole lot of effort but does give me a little sense of liking myself a tiny bit more than I have been doing the past 7-8 months now. Peace, Kiddo. This too will pass!

Riahli said...

Have you thought about getting any blood work done? I suffered for a long, long, long, time before I went and had some very complete blood work done, and a saliva test for my cortisol levels. Came to find out I'm one big mess, {I think you read my blog post about that} and there was a really good reason for why I was feeling the way I was. Just a thought. I felt a lot of the same things you seem to be feeling, so it just makes me wonder...

lime said...

sometimes ya just gotta get yer grump on to let it out. mo judgement from me.

Rima said...

I really liked your grump dump. It makes me feel okay about being grumpy about stuff like that sometimes, too. It really is okay.

Words To Live By

Be grateful for each new day.
A new day that you have never lived before.
Twenty-four new, fresh, unexplored hours to use usefully and profitably.
We can squander, neglect, or use them.
Life will be richer or poorer by the way we use today.
Finish every day and be done with it.
You have done what you could;
some blunders and absurdities crept in;
forget them as soon as you can.
Tomorrow is a new day.
You shall begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be
encumbered with your old nonsense.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson