Friday, April 27, 2012

Only In My Dreams

I saw my dad last night. 

We were all standing around waiting for a table and as I looked over towards the door in walked my dad.  He was wearing his blue "work" pants, his blue jacket, one of his newsboy caps, and a sheepish grin like he knew he was late to the party. 

I ran up to him and flung myself into his arms.  He felt just like my dad.  I stood on my tippy toes and rested my chin on his broad shoulder as he leaned down.  He wrapped his arms around me and hugged me the same familiar hug.  I could feel his cheek warm against mine, a bit of stubble prickling my face.   I cried and cried and laughed and laughed.  I didn't even care that everyone in the restaurant was watching.

"How are you doing this right now?  How can we even see you?"  I asked him.

"I just wanted to be here." he said with a smile.

I watched as he went through and hugged each of my siblings and my mom.  He was exactly the dad I remembered before his body ever hinted at Alzheimer's.  Smiling.  Laughing.  Larger than life.  Loving.  And there was a hint of something new too.  A calmness.  A peacefulness.

I drank it all in trying to memorize each detail.  Each moment.

Dad stayed with us for quite a while and I could tell that when he said he had to go he didn't really want to leave the party.  I was so grateful for the visit that I couldn't be sad.  I had been waiting for a dream of my dad for almost three years and this was so much better. He was here with me.  With all of us.  I was just thankful I got to see him again.

He left the room but I noticed him lingering just outside the window looking in at us.  I laughed and waved and he chuckled and waved back.  We all ran outside to enjoy a few more moments with him. 

I walked with him across a grassy area trying to eek out every minute with him that I could.  I remember flooding him with silly questions.  He laughed and tried to answer them all even as he was getting further and further away. 

He was so far away now that I had to shout for him to hear me, "Dad!  Did you see Todd's new motorcycle?"  I asked, knowing he would be the one person to really appreciate the bike. 

"I saw it!" dad said enthusiastically.   And with that I knew he had been watching over me, over all of us, these last few years.   

I awoke with the image of dad fading away.

It was the most comforting dream I've ever had. 

A dream I have been waiting almost three years for.

A dream that really felt nothing like a dream.

Thank you, Dad.  It was so amazing to see you.  I hope you'll visit again.  Even if it's only in my dreams.

14 comments:

MamaB said...

Absolutely bawling here!! I am SO glad you had your Dad visit you. When my Dad visits me in my dreams I have the same warm, comfortable feeling. Just so happy that you finally got to say hi again. Many blessings to you!

Kelly said...

What an amazing dream! I'm so glad you had that "moment" with your dad. I hope you have more dreams like that!

Karen Deborah said...

made me think of the verse how now we look as through a veil dimly but then...when we see HIM Jesus we will see and also we will see and be reunited with our loved ones who knew him in heaven forever. That is how Jesus took away the sting of death; it's not final. One day more than a beautiful dream will be a very real eternal reality. It's all in the Bible and if God says so it has to be true.
Take that check to the bank and cash it. You'll be with your dad again and it will be just like you saw he will be whole and perfect and recognizable. It's so exciting.

Jeni said...

That is so fantastic, to have a dream like that! I've had a couple dreams that I still recall that were visits from someone very special in my life. One was my Mom and in it, she was going through cupboards in my kitchen, inspecting where I keep this or that, etc., and all the while talking to me. I don't remember what she said but her voice in my dream was so real, as was her presence, that when I awoke from it, I had to look around carefully to check where I was and if there was actually someone else here with me! The other was a dream about a very good close male friend of mine -childhood friend and on thru adulthood -who passed as at the age of 43 from cancer. In the dream, it was just his face though and it was floating around my head and he spoke to me saying only "I'm okay now. Really, I'm okay!" Now that time I woke up in tears because he was such a great guy to have know and so terrible what he went through before he passed too. I don't put that much stock in most dreams but I think some of them are a message to us via our inner selves from the people or perhaps from God, Himself. Who knows?

Amy said...

This might seem weird, but reading this has brought me a sense of comfort. What a wonderful thing to experience. I hope I can have a dream like this someday about my Mom she passed in December at 52.

Kat said...

Amy- It doesn't sound weird at all. This dream was probably one of the most comforting experiences I've ever had, and I am so happy that sharing it is bringing others comfort too. I hope you'll get a visit from your mom as well. I have been asking my dad to come to me in a dream for almost three years now. I've dreamt about my dad before (though only once or twice) but they all just felt like dreams and took place in the past when I was little and still living with my mom and dad. This one was different. :)

Michael Manning said...

I was touched by your post. My Dad has been gone 12 years and I miss him terribly every day. Visiting via our mutual friend Hilary.

DysFUNctional Mom said...

Oh, Kat! I am covered in goosebumps. I am so very glad that your dad visited you!!

Mom24 said...

So happy for you Kat. I remember how awful it was for me when I stopped having dreams about my brother after he passed away. I hope you always dream of your dad.

lime said...

a bit of a lump in my throat here. i am glad for such a peaceful, reassuring visitation for you.

wanted to also thank you for the prayers for me in recnet days. they are very appreciated.

April said...

Oh, how I love these visits. You have me crying now. I've had "dreams" like these myself and no one will ever convince me it was not my dad or other loved one coming back to say hello, I love you, I miss you. I had one of my dad shortly after he passed and we were in his childhood home (where my grandparents had always lived), in the kitchen. I was so shocked to see him and he was telling me to come with him, there was a door in the kitchen wall with a #9 on it. (When dad was dying and out of it, he kept babbling to my uncle one day "Number 9, number 9" and no one could figure out what he was tryhing to say). We went through the door, up the stairs into the most spacious, beautiful "apartment" I'd ever seen. It just stretched on and on on and he told me "This is where I live now. Please don't worry about me." And I was crying and happy and hugging him and I never wanted to let go. I think we will always miss our Daddies.

Krystyn @ Really, Are You Serious? said...

What a very special visit. It makes me wish I had the relationship you had with your dad with mine.

So glad you got a visit from him..you know I think it was more than just a dream.

Elaine A. said...

Wow, just wow. I'm so glad you were able to be with him and find comfort in such an amazing dream. Amazing.

Riahli said...

Oh this made me cry, what a beautiful dream. I love that you had such a special relationship with your dad, you are lucky to have had that.

Words To Live By

Be grateful for each new day.
A new day that you have never lived before.
Twenty-four new, fresh, unexplored hours to use usefully and profitably.
We can squander, neglect, or use them.
Life will be richer or poorer by the way we use today.
Finish every day and be done with it.
You have done what you could;
some blunders and absurdities crept in;
forget them as soon as you can.
Tomorrow is a new day.
You shall begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be
encumbered with your old nonsense.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson