Monday, April 16, 2012

Nightmare

Early this morning I had a bad dream.  A horrible dream.  A nightmare.  It was so bad that I actually had to wake myself up to keep from hyperventilating.  In the dream I was screaming and crying, trying to catch my breath, and I said, "this has to be a nightmare!"  The next thing I knew I was gasping for air in my bed.  Never was I so thankful to be waking up an hour early.

The dream was so bad I don't even want to talk about it.  But I'm not sorry I had the dream.  I think it will actually help me to be a better mom.  It seems that lately I have been in a rut of whining, complaining, and general grumpiness.  The dream reminds me to grumble less about what hard work parenting is and see it for priviledge it really is.  I don't ever want my kids to feel anything less than the most important and wonderful part of my life.

This weekend was a mixed bag.  Todd was up north cutting wood and the kids and I stayed home.  Part of the weekend was really nice and the kids were great, and the other part was exhausting and tiring.  You know, typical.  But after that nasty dream it makes me thankful for it all.  The good and the bad. 

The dream reminded me not to take it all for granted.  Remember nights like Saturday when I took the kids out to dinner and they were so well behaved that we had strangers interrupting our meal to compliment them and maybe forget about how many times I had to sit them on the naughty step this weekend.  It's all a gift.  Such a gift.

Every few minutes my mind drifts back to that dream and immediately I get a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes.  The worst dream ever.  But I'm glad I had it.

Now if you'll excuse me I have to go hug my kids.  Again.






13 comments:

DysFUNctional Mom said...

I've had a few dreams like that. THey're horrible! But I'm glad you're able to put a positive spin on it.

Tonya said...

I've had dreams that I've woken up mad at the person in my dream usually my husband! Then I have to realize it was just a dream so I don't stay mad at him.

Pish Posh said...

I had a nightmare this morning too.

You know I think the fact that you don't even want to talk about your nightmare tells you why you have the nightmare. Maybe if you verbalize it, it will help dissipate the awfulness?

I really love your main picture with your family backlit. Everything in that photo is everything I want and I have zero of it- gorgeous pic.

Jeni said...

Nightmares can be terrible and very frightening, can't they? I had one about 4 years ago about Maya and for several weeks after having that one, I would see the scenes again sometimes in my sleep and dreams and sometimes even when I was wide awake too. But you know, it did make me much more aware then with her and also with Kurtis then too about how easily things could happen to them. So, I guess in that aspect they are a good thing if they get us to see the reality aspects and pay more attention to those we love so dearly.

Kat said...

Pish Posh- I did end up telling my husband and my mom about the dream so I did get to talk about it. Still. Ugh.
Also, it would have taken me forever to write down. ;)

Elaine A. said...

Oh gosh, I know what you mean, when it's so awful that it wakes you. Oh but then the relief that it wasn't real, WOAH.

I've been a tad grumpy myself lately but I think it's mostly because I can't run and I really, REALLY miss that stress reliever...

Love that photo. :)

Riahli said...

Uggggg, so sorry about the dream, how awful. I have really vivid horrible dreams way too often. But it does help to put things in perspective doesn't it, and give you a want to hold those loved ones close...

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Maybe we have these dreams to refresh our perspective...that kind of thing has happened to me, too.

April said...

I SO know what type of dream you mean. We've had a couple of HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE things happen lately in my state to children...and the worst was the poor sweet boy killed in Salem, CT by wood chipper. I literally want to throw up EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I think about it and i start breathing heavy and get massive anxiety. Every time lately I've caught msyelf snapping at the kids ("get out from under Mommy's feet!") for something TOTALLY ridiculous, I immeidately think of that boy and want to cry and hug and tell my kids I love them. Which I do. I'm sorry you had to have such a horrible dream. :-(

Lindsay Y. said...

It's always those little moments of fun that get us through the tough times. I don't know why we always tend to focus on the negative. Must be a mom thing.

nbrsspot.blogspot.com said...

isnt it amazing what dreams can bring us when we arent expecting them. Hope it helps you out lots. They are growing so fast. hard to be grace is two almost 3 right?

Krystyn @ Really, Are You Serious? said...

Oh, I just hate those dreams..they seem soooo real. When I wake up, I don't want to move.

But, it's nice to have a reminder to hug our kids.

lime said...

i hate when those dreams are just so real but you seem to have turned it around to a positive.

Words To Live By

Be grateful for each new day.
A new day that you have never lived before.
Twenty-four new, fresh, unexplored hours to use usefully and profitably.
We can squander, neglect, or use them.
Life will be richer or poorer by the way we use today.
Finish every day and be done with it.
You have done what you could;
some blunders and absurdities crept in;
forget them as soon as you can.
Tomorrow is a new day.
You shall begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be
encumbered with your old nonsense.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson