In The Wee Small Hours

I wake in a middle of the night fog.  My head still thick from the migraine I'd worn all day yesterday.  I shift positions trying to get comfortable without putting too much pressure on my neck, or my shoulders, or my head.  A tough task when one is trying to sleep. 

Instead of drifting off into a deep sleep I lie awake staring at the ceiling fan stuck in slow motion above me.  Why we insist on having the ceiling fan on in the middle of winter is beyond me.  Never mind the fact that it is going so slow I can't even feel the air moving around me.  It is just such a waste of electricity.  This thought sends me spinning off into all different directions as I try to remember what I have lined up for tomorrow's tasks.

My minds reels with thoughts of Joey's first real birthday party with his class on Saturday.  Party favors, candles, and snacks I've yet to buy.  I wonder how I'll keep an eye on all the kids at the water park.  Good thing they all know how to swim.  Plus, there are so many lifeguards.  I smile when I remember how Joey has woken up every morning and told me all the dreams he's had about his party.  He is so excited.  Which reminds me to wash Ben's favorite pj's for pajama day at school.  And once I think of school my brain is racked with lists of homework projects that are done and still need to be done.  Tommy has to hand in that money for his class basket.  It has been sitting in his folder for a week now.  I still have to sign up for the school fundraiser.  And shoot, I forgot to call the doctor today to set up Ben's 5 year check up.

I roll over onto my back to see if I can relieve the pain in my neck in this position.  I sit up slightly thinking I heard someone calling me.  I am frozen.  Listening.  After a dozen seconds or so I decide it was all in my head.  People call my name so often (in the middle of the night too) that even when they are not calling I still hear it.

I place my head gingerly back onto my pillow and wonder if I should try taking more medicine.  I decide against it as my stomach lurches and tumbles, still wobbly from the migraine.  And now, lucky me, I feel my cramps coming back.  I knew I didn't get a migraine just from running again.  I mean, I know it has been three months since I last ran, but I didn't feel that out of shape.  I figured my hormones were more to blame than my slothfulness.  It's good to know I was right.  Not that I'm welcoming the cramps, you understand.

I turn back onto my side again since lying on my back seemed to make my neck hurt more.  First I put my hand under my face, and then I take it away.  Good grief, I just want to fall asleep.  Kind of like mister heavy breather there next to me.  Completely asleep and oblivious.  I'm envious.

I shouldn't be envious.  I should be thinking lovely thoughts.  I just went to Ash Wednesday mass today and already all the lovely feelings have been wiped away.   That's what happens when a migraine blows through I guess.  Here I was all amped up on eating well and exercising and being positive and patient.  Hmphf. 

I switch positions yet again, tucking the pillow into the crook of my neck and placing my arm at just the right angle so my shoulder doesn't pinch.  This might be comfortable. 

I try to empty my mind.  No exciting birthday parties.  No school projects.  No workouts to fit in.  No meals to plan.  No errands to run.  No appointments to make.  No shopping to do.  I won't think about it now. 

But I HAVE to remember to wrap his presents while he is at school tomorrow because there will be no other time.  And I definitely have to call Sarah tomorrow because she called twice yesterday.  And that letter MUST be dropped off at church tomorrow because they are getting married so soon.  I can't forget that again. 

Oh!  And...