Friday, April 25, 2008

Weekly Wrap

I have so much floating around in my head that it is difficult for me to put into a cohesive post. My thoughts are so jumbled. My mind is just a car wash of different thoughts being sloshed around.

So, instead of participating in Haiku Friday like I normally do I thought I would steal Brittany's Weekly Wrap idea. It fits me perfectly today.

1- My dad is still in the process of adjusting his medication. On Wednesday dad was released from the hospital back to the nursing home. He did well the first night and then the next afternoon he became violent and unmanageable again. He knocked over one of the assistants and was throwing things and knocking over chairs. A sheriff was called to take my dad back to the hospital. That is where dad is right now. And the process starts all over again.

It is just so heart-wrenching to watch and not be able to help. When I visited my dad he started crying the minute he saw me. He is so miserable and yet he still tries to be so good. He always loves seeing the boys and they were able to cheer him up quite a bit. I am just at a loss as to what to do. I don't think there is anything I can do. Just sit and wait, I suppose.

2- So many of you have written such sweet messages, emails, and comments to me, and I am so grateful. I cannot believe what a supportive community this blogging has become. It is amazing to know that people are praying for and wishing me and my family well. I thank you!

3- I'm gonna get long-winded here so if you don't want to read this one skip to #4.
Life is difficult. There is so much suffering in the world. I know I am not alone in my suffering and so many people are going through much, much worse than I am. Many people question God and wonder why God allows such suffering.
This is what I know:
Nothing bad comes from God. God only brings good to our lives. This is life. And life is hard. Bad things happen in life because this is not a perfect place. Heaven is the only perfect place. Suffering happens to strengthen us and prepare our souls for heaven. Our suffering brings us closer to others and to God. Our suffering does serve a purpose.
You can not compare your suffering to others. You can only deal with your pain. A friend of mine felt guilty for complaining about her baby-induced sleep deprivation when she heard about what I was dealing with. She should NOT feel guilty. What she is dealing with is also very difficult. Just because I am going through a rough time with my father does not make her sleep deprived mind any easier to deal with. It may help to give you perspective, but it certainly doesn't mean that your suffering doesn't count. Suffering comes in many forms whether it is everyday stressors, unimaginable loss, or internal struggles. Everyone's suffering counts.

4- Tuesday was my birthday. It actually turned out to be a pretty good day. Dad was doing well that day. My mom brought over the birthday cake that she had made for me. And we all went out to my favorite Mexican restaurant for dinner. It was a nice day. To top it off, the dear hubby surprised me with a trip to Key West planned for four days in mid-May. I have been wanting to go to The Keys for a long time and he booked it and planned everything for me. So good! I am really in need of a vacation, I tell you. The hubby and I only get a little vacation every two or three years so this is a huge deal for us. I have been pregnant or nursing for 6 of our 7 years of marriage and trying to find a time to go on a vacation, just the two of us, has been tough.
To say it was a complete surprise is a bit of a lie. I knew he was up to something. He kept bringing up mid-May, telling me to buy a new swim suit, and kept telling me not to plan anything for that weekend. I even went as far as telling him that if he is planning a trip for us that he'd better give me some advance notice so I can plan. I do NOT like to be surprised with this kind of a thing. He was very wise to give me a few weeks notice. I have a real hard time leaving my boys overnight, so I need some time to psych myself up for it. Still, I am REALLY excited about this vacation. I can't wait! The hubby did good.

5- Tomorrow I am going to see Maya Angelou speak. I am so excited I can barely contain myself. I have been such a huge fan of hers for so long. When I found out last year that she was coming to my area I was the first one to order tickets. And guess what. I am in the front row in the center. I can't even believe it! I am taking my mom and my sis with me as they are big fans too.
For those of you that do not know any of her work I am leaving you with one of my favorite poems. Enjoy!


Lying, thinking
Last night
How to find my soul a home
Where water is not thirsty
And bread loaf is not stone
I came up with one thing
And I don't believe I'm wrong
That nobody,
But nobody
Can make it out here alone.

Alone, all alone
Nobody, but nobody
Can make it out here alone.

There are some millionaires
With money they can't use
Their wives run round like banshees
Their children sing the blues
They've got expensive doctors
To cure their hearts of stone.
But nobody
No nobody
Can make it out here alone.

Alone, all alone
Nobody, but nobody
Can make it out here alone.

Now if you listen closely
I'll tell you what I know
Storm clouds are gathering
The wind is gonna blow
The race of man is suffering
And I can hear the moan,
Cause nobody,
But nobody
Can make it out here alone.

Alone, all alone
Nobody, but nobody
Can make it out here alone.

-Maya Angelou


Jeni said...

Just wanted to thank you for a very timely, wise and compassionate post. Very uplifting too. Hopefully, the hospital will soon get the meds adjusted properly for your father. Seeing, knowing a loved one is having issues like this makes it all that much more difficult to cope with everything else that comes along.
Congrats to on getting the tickets to see/hear Maya Angelou. She's one of my very favorite writers/poets/speakers/persons and do so envy you for being able to go to this event. Wonder if she'll ever make a trip to my area here in central PA? It could happen and I wish it would. I know both my daughters would want to see her too.

Anonymous said...

Kathryn, I'm so impressed with your grace through all of this. I mean it. It's got to be heartbreaking to the point of helpless insanity, but I completely agree that each person's "stuff" going on is just as significant even if it sometimes seems more trivial compared to something like this. I had the same conversation with friends during my mom's long-ish and nightmarish terminal illness. Your words show that you are compassionate and selfless even when people would understand if you chose not to be.

I have my own spiritual issues right now, but your answer to that question was also a nice reminder of what used to be so clear to me and had gotten hidden and forgotten. My idea of God might be different, but this still very much applies. Thank you.

I would say I'm jealous about the totally awesome sounding fun and sun and joy trip, but if anyone deserves it, it's you, so I can't even find it in me to be jealous (especially if you promise to raise your glass to your readers and have a sip of something foofy for us!).

I wrote a novel, but I meant it, so it all stays.

Family Adventure said...

Lovely post, Kathryn. You are such a compassionate soul, I am in awe of your generosity to others in the midst of your own troubles.

I trust your father's situation will be sorted out very, very soon, for his sake and for all of you, too.

Have a lovely weekend - Heidi

Chrissy said...

So much to comment on...I hope things improve with your dad. I can't imagine how hard that must be. I agree completely with your #3. I've been on both sides of that fence, and you are absolutely right. Amen.

I'm so glad your birthday was good, and congrats on your upcoming trip. I hope you thoroughly enjoy yourself.

Danielle said...

Yay for a good birthday. And I'm glad you have a nice weekend ahead and am just a wee bit jealous of your upcoming trip. :)

You are doing everything you can for your father right now. You are allowing him to get the help he needs.

imbeingheldhostage said...

Again, heart warming post. I love your outlook on suffering, it was beautifully put. And ENJOY your day tomorrow! How exciting! It's not Elliot Yamin, but hey ;-) For grins, wanna come name my dog?

L said...

That's so great that you get to hear Maya Angelou. I would love to do something like that! She's amazing!

Julie Pippert said...

1. I am so sorry, sweetie. Yes, I think you are right, you can only be there.

3. Beautifully said, and imo so very true.

4. I was browsing reader and saw your cake post, but then this one popped in too, so here I am saying HAPPY BIRTHDAY! even if late, still sincere.

5. So very exciting. The best advice I've ever heard is that it's important to always have something to look forward to...and what a thing! You'll report, I hope!

Kellan said...

I'm so sorry your dad is having such a difficult time.

Happy Belated Birthday - it sounds wonderful taking a trip to the Keys - WOW! That's going to be a great trip.

I love Maya ANgelou too - you are so lucky to get to go see you!!! Have fun.

See you soon - Kellan

Brittany said...

That weekly wrap idea. What a genius of a person to come up with that!!!! ;) hehehe.

LOVE #3- goes along perfectly with my reflection post from last week. I agree with you 100%!

May Angelou? LOVE HER! Have a wonderful time; you deserve it! :)

Dane Bramage said...

I hope things improve with your father. I have family that had to deal with a similar situation.

Congrats on your birthday!

I like some of Maya Angelou's work especially from 'back in the day' as we say. Have a great time.

Anonymous said...

A trip to The Keys sounds wonderful! Hubby did good!

Happy Friday!

Ashley said...

Hugs. I hope things get better with your dad...and yay about your bday!

MarĂ­a said...

Beautiful post

I love that poem, she's marvelous.

MamaGeek @ Works For Us said...

Oh Kathryn, I feel like driving over and bringing some cake or something. My heart aches for you my friend. This was truly a lovely sincere post.

You've gone through so much but I promise, in time, this too shall pass. In the meantime, I hope Maya was great (how could she NOT be) and that you know your in my heart and prayers.

CC said...

Thank you for your thoughts.

Your hubbie is so sweet to plan this get-a-way! I've never been and would love to go too! :) :)

Have so much fun watching Maya! What a great experience!

Momisodes said...

Sending more *hugs* for enduring this tough time with your father.
I'm glad you had a nice birthday, and so excited about the Keys! Definitely pack a bathing suit, sunblock, and some bug spray :) It's gorgeous there!

hope you have a fabulous time seeing Maya Angelou.

Kristen said...

What a great post. You have had so much going on. I am hoping that you are feeling rested during this exhausting time.

I hope that your father's meds get worked out soon. I think it is great you are doing EVERYTHING that you can to help. But, he is in the right place, and so much better with trained people than with your poor mom. You all are doing everything you should/could.

I loved your number 3. I agree. Life is hard. That is why we listen and wait for our great reward! And, won't it just be the BEST?

Glad to hear your b-day was so special, and the trip to the Keys sounds awesome!! Oh, how you will need this trip, and some time away with the Hubby! He did really good I tell you. Really good!

dawn klinge said...

You are such a wise person. How wonderful about the trip to the Keys and going to see Maya Angelou! I hope things get better for your Dad soon.

Laura said...

Ohhh a weekend away....enjoy!!!

ohhhhh Maya Angelou...that should be brilliant!!!


Pernille said...

Thank you for the nice comments:) You have a beautiful post to day! I like "Alone" very much:)

Have a lovely weekend:)

mrsnesbitt said...

My hubby is approaching 50. No fuss, no surprises he we are going away............................on June 1st! June 2nd is his birthday, June 3rd is our 20th wedding anniversary!

Loved your is what family is all about!


Unknown said...

Well no Haiku but still a poem for us! : ) Beautiful...

#3 - Amen - so very eloquent

And hubby, planning a vacay for just the two of you? Absolutey Fabulous. I say you keep him around. HA!

Continued prayers for your father and family and you...

Kelly said...

I love what you wrote in #3. That is so wise and so true. That gave me some perspective.

YAY on a trip with your hubby. That will be awesome...enjoy!!

Have a great weekend. Hang in there with your dad. It has to get better!!

Cath said...

thanks 4 visiting. i cannot type properly die to tendonitis!! I am still thinking of you and praying for you. That poem is beautiful.

I hope your dad can get settled soon.
God bless

Joyce said...

Happy belated Birthday, Kathryn!
I hope that things settle out for your dad soon. Your mom is such a trooper, and you are, too.
Hope you have a wonderful time on your get-away to the Keys. :)

Anonymous said...

I think a trip is something you truly deserve, K. And, that's great that you are getting a night out with your mom - who also needs one, I'm sure. Prayers are still being said for the whole situation. Keep the faith.

Neva said...

Hopefully they will figure out what works for your dad....I can relate to the the leaving of your boys...I never liked to do that either...but it sounds like hubby did good!!!How's your mom coping? I will keep sending prayers your way!

Mom24 said...

What a beautiful post. Have a wonderful time seeing Maya Angelou. That really is going to be a treat, I'm sure.

I am so sorry for your Dad's struggle. I hope you all find peace soon. I can't even imagine how painful it must be. I loved your thoughts about suffering also. Isn't it funny how we all tend to "grade" our suffering. My losing my brother isn't as bad as so and so losing so and so. It's crazy! Suffering is suffering and pain hurts, no matter what. You are so wise to realize that.

I'm glad you had a good birthday, and what a wonderful present! I know you'll have a fabulous time. Have a beautiful weekend.

RiverPoet said...

Kathryn - Thank you so much for your comment on my blog yesterday. Like you, I have my own unique suffering. Like you, I believe that we each have individual ways we must suffer, learn, and grow. Mine is different from yours but the pain is similar. I wish you all the best with your father. Nothing is harder than the realization that you have no control over anything.

Thanks so much for this Maya Angelou poem, too. I hadn't read this one before, and I have a poetry reading coming up on Wednesday. Maybe I'll read this along with one of my own. If you can, take a picture. I'd love to see her from your eyes.

Peace - D

Natalie said...

wow. what a wise post. although i forgot much of it when i heard you say you were going to get to see Maya Angelou!!!! wow. what a great way to end a challenging week! I can't wait to hear about the experience.

just jamie said...

You've put words to the slump I've been in lately. Thank you.

Your father must be very proud to have you as a daughter. Any man would. I certainly hope things continue to get better. You have so many boys in your life, and I imagine this man has been your lead. Keep going. He, and you, are in my thoughts.

Love, love, love that poem.

Anonymous said...

Hi Kathryn, just wanted to add my support too. I miss my dad everyday since July 25th 2001 even though I have his love with me. But to go through seeing your father in this state must be completely gut-wrenching. It pains me when I read of heartache like this. His tears at the sight of seeing you will be his over-emotional soul reaching the surface to express the infinite love he has for you.

Take care, Crystal xx

Putting the FUN in DysFUNctional said...

Your family remains in my prayers. I hope that they can stabilize your dad's meds so that he can settle down and not struggle so much.
I'm SO glad you were able to have a good birthday!
I have lived in FL my entire life and have NEVER been to the keys. DH, his aunt and I were just talking about this, and we're thinking/hoping of planning a trip maybe next year. I hope you have a wonderful time!
P.S. There's a little sumthin'-sumthin' for ya on my blog. ;o)

Tonya said...

Enjoy your vacation! I can totally relate to being pregnant or nursing for most of your marriage. I think there has only been 6 months I haven't been pregnant or nursing anyone in the last 8 1/2 years!

lime said...

i really do feel for what your family is dealing with in helping your dad adjust. it can't be easy. at the same time i have such respect for you in the way you are bale to still relate to and not minimize the troubles other face. clearly your own hardships are serving to keep you sensitive to those of others and even if that's all we gain from our own difficulties we are all better for it. still i do pray for an easing of the stress and i am glad to hear your husband has planned such a lovely respite for you. i hope your trip to the keys is a wonderfully restorative time.

painted maypole said...

thank goodness you are not alone. ;)

what you said about suffering... beautifully put. After Hurricane Katrina friends across the country would be afraid to tell us whatever was troubling them, because they felt like it couldn't compare. And you're right... it's not about comparing. it still hurts. and yes, God only brings us good things (and he can bring good things out of the bad things that life brings us)


Mary Beth said...

I'm really close to my parents and as they get older, I get more apprehensive that something will happen. When it does, I only hope I can weather it with as much grace as you do. I was in tears reading this because it has to be so hard for you seeng your father so unhappy and not being able to help him. You and your family are in my thoughts!

I hope you have a wonderful time in the Keys. I love quick vacations.

Beck said...

I don't think we can ever really measure another person's suffering, but I think that you're bearing yours with beautiful grace.

Anonymous said...

I love Maya Angelou!

ConverseMomma said...

Happy Belated Birthday, darling. What a beautiful post. I believe in God and I believe in what you wrote. Nothing bad comes from him, instead, he is who I go to when things get too rough. I never pray for him to make things better. I pray for him to give me the strength to see it through. I hope you find the strength to see your family through this tough time.

Rose said...

Thank you for the weekly wrap and the poem at the end sums it all up.
Keeping you in my prayers - you are truly covered.


Anonymous said...

How awesome that you get to go see Maya Angelou. I can't wait to hear all about it.

I don't know if I have posted but my heart breaks reading about your father. I'll pray for all of you.

Cynthia said...

Sending good thoughts to you and your father...

krissy said...

I'm so happy that you are going on a vaca. You deserve it.

I wish I could hug all your pain away. I wish I could tell you that your dad will be better. It breaks my heart thinking about him. He is probably so confused about what is going on. But you are doing well by just loving him and your mom. That's all you can do now.

I'm thinking about you sweetie.

imbeingheldhostage said...

I'm sorry, I'm commenting again. In case you didn't believe me when I said I was impressed with what you wrote, I nicked an excerpt from #4 and printed it in our church newsletter! I did give you credit, but you're only referred to as, "A blogger friend, Kathryn". I'm a little frightened with your Hubby being a lawyer and all....

imbeingheldhostage said...

what a retard-- it was number four-- I did NOT put your birthday and info about you being "pregnant or nursing" in my church newsletter. sorry. going away now.

Nissa said...

I loved #3. It really spoke to me. Thanks for putting that in there(but you shouldn't have told people they could skip it!)
Still praying for your day, you & all of your family.

John-Michael said...

It all started with your "That really touched my heart. I can barely see through my tears. Gorgeous. What a gift." on Lime's "Magic
" piece. I read your words through my own tears, went to your profile to see who I was sharing a tearful moment with; read this piece that, again, touched my Heart; saw that the 22nd was your birthday; realized that you and my son Matthew are the same age; put your birthday as a re-occurring reminder in my personal calendar; and back to this "comment" moment. [whew!!](I'm far too old for all that traveling in a short space of time silly grin])

I am so pleased that You and your very thoughtful and Romantic husband are going to celebrate Each Other in Key West (where my GrandDad [the lighthouse keeper] met my Dad's Mom [the young Lady from the Bahamas].) So, you see, there is more "history" than Hemingway there. [smile] Enjoy!

girlymom said...

I have been gone and am back trying to cath up. I am so sorry to hear about everything that you and your family are going though. I hope that the hospital is able to help your Dad and then he will find some peace. It sounds like your Key West vacation (way to go Hubby) is a much needed break. I'll keep you all in my prayers.

Words To Live By

Be grateful for each new day.
A new day that you have never lived before.
Twenty-four new, fresh, unexplored hours to use usefully and profitably.
We can squander, neglect, or use them.
Life will be richer or poorer by the way we use today.
Finish every day and be done with it.
You have done what you could;
some blunders and absurdities crept in;
forget them as soon as you can.
Tomorrow is a new day.
You shall begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be
encumbered with your old nonsense.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson