Monday, October 17, 2011

Fickle

I love fall.  Every year I look forward to fall with childlike anticipation.  Though summer will always be my favorite season fall has always been a close second.  The colors, the smells, the feeling in the air, the decor, the prep for Halloween festivities, I love every second of it.  It gives me such energy.  Light.  Warmth.

This year has been a bit different, and I've yet to figure out why.  If you look at my past posts from October you can see the difference.  I had 15-20 posts in Octobers past.  I'd blab on about the glory of fall, and tell ghost stories, show off my decorations, and prepare for Halloween.  This October I can barely manage to eek out two posts. 

The weather was warm and beautiful.  The trees were gorgeous.  The smells were still the lovely fall smells I remembered from falls past.  And yet I have this weird "lost" feeling.  Missing something.  Searching for something.

I don't know if it is because of how busy we've been or if I am just feeling fickle.  Oh, I've had my moments of fall glory. 
It is hard not to feel giddy when you see stuff like this. 
And I've had my warm, golden, fall moments too.
I've felt cheery and happy and have been able to embrace parts of this wonderful season with walks in the woods, apple orchards, and leaf piles.
But soon enough I am back to my funk.  Feeling heavy and drained.  Thinking, thinking, thinking.  Wistful. Searching.
It happens every year.  Fall always makes me so melancholy.  But this year I am not just melancholy, I am moody, and sad, and just off.  I just don't know why.

We were supposed to have a wonderful extended weekend up north.  The boys had off of school on Friday and Monday and we were all looking forward to getting away.   Though the weather was cold (about 45 degrees the whole weekend) and extremely windy (about 30 mph everyday) we still spent all of our time outside. 
The beautiful colors of fall had gone.  We were left with grays and browns. 
It was too cold for fishing so we made forts in the woods to try and escape the winds.  It was a tough weekend.  Grace and  I ended up coming home yesterday, leaving the boys to happily tough it out for one more day.
Like I said, I don't know what my problem is.  Maybe I'm just really bad at transitions.  I am just feeling so...  sigh...  I don't know.  Lost?  Pitiful?  Drained?  Empty?  Blah.  Woe is me.

Anyone else feeling it? 

13 comments:

Riahli said...

I get this way sometimes too, with out really understanding why... or some times the why of it all becomes clear way after the fact. I usually really suffer from this in the winter especially after the snow has melted and Christmas has passed and it's all muddy and cold outside... yuck. It probably is a transitions thing for the most part...

Mom24 said...

Beautiful pics!

I definitely get this way too, and it's so hard! It's difficult for me to figure out what's different, why am I reacting this way now, and not then, etc. No real advice, just know that you're not alone.

Hang in there. It will pass.

Carol said...

Oh, Kat....I LOVE fall! Look at what's coming: the anticipation of Christmas!!

Your kiddos are getting SO big. I love the brilliant pink of Grace's coat against all the autumn hues. It screams 'anticipation' to me of what's to come!!

Molly!!!! How did I miss her?? She's precious!!!

Elaine A. said...

I'm so sorry you're feeling "blah". If it's any consolation, I'm feeling HOT because it's still SO HOT here! ;)

I LOVE your photos with so much beautiful Fall color. I hope you get to feeling better. Maybe a little pumpkin pie would help?

xoxo

p.s. Love your latest header shot. Grace's profile is so sweet... :)

nbrsspot.blogspot.com said...

It happens and I hope your funk comes out soon.. Oh btw how is your mom or was it hubbys mom that was sick? I remember reading and then for some reason couldnt get back into your blog until recently. its on my end that i couldnt get in..

DysFUNctional Mom said...

Yep, it happens to me too. Maybe a touch of seasonal affective disorder? Or maybe just the ups and downs of life. Anyway, I hope yours doesn't last long.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

You're singing my song, honey. Felt that since September.

Rima said...

I'm sorry you're feeling down, Kat. Maybe it's just the ebb and flow of life . . .

imbeingheldhostage said...

Well you may be feeling off, but your photos are just gorgeous!
I think there's a lot of us feeling that way. Actually, that's why I started posting so much. Blogging has always been so therapeutic for me and yet I wasn't giving it any of my time. We've also just had one of the strangest summers, which makes the usual winter dread seem so much more intense.
You've got a full plate Kat, maybe you just need to do something nice for you?

Karen Deborah said...

you barely got warm and it's already cold. I think you need more sun and some heat. You can visit me I spoil everything, even the squirrel was living high on the hog. How about some laughter? Funny movies? Not gross funny really funny.
love you.

Kat said...

Riahli- I get like this at the end of winter too, but not fall. This is weird for me.

Mom24- I think the hard part is not knowing how to fix it. I really don't have much to complain about, what is my stinking problem???

Carol- Oh, please don't mention winter or Christmas just yet. That will REALLY depress me. Winter is SOOOOOoooooooo long. ;)

Elaine- I am actually starting to feel better. I'm planning on making an apple pie and some homemade applesauce. That will definitely help. ;)

Nbrsspot- My mom is doing very well. She had open heart surgery last year (and she always has multiple myeloma) and has been doing really well. She is amazing. Thanks for asking!

Dysfunctional Mom- Yeah, I'm feeling a little better now. Thanks. :)

Green Girl- Maybe it's a WI thing. Which is odd because we've been having such a NICE fall. Hmmmm...

Rima- Yeah. I think so. It happens sometimes. I think it is passing now. I hope. ;)

Hostage- Well, if anyone knows what a full plate is, it's you. Something nice for myself? You mean like a shower? :)

Karen- I'm on my way over! :)

Tonya said...

This fall seems like it has all 4 season wrapped up in a weeks time. And I don't like that. I would like/love the temp in the 70's for about 6 weeks in the fall then drop to the mid 60's for the other 6 weeks! that would be a true fall :)

Kat said...

Tonya- Seriously! That would be perfect! We'd have time to adjust!

Words To Live By

Be grateful for each new day.
A new day that you have never lived before.
Twenty-four new, fresh, unexplored hours to use usefully and profitably.
We can squander, neglect, or use them.
Life will be richer or poorer by the way we use today.
Finish every day and be done with it.
You have done what you could;
some blunders and absurdities crept in;
forget them as soon as you can.
Tomorrow is a new day.
You shall begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be
encumbered with your old nonsense.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson