Coming Back

I'm sitting in the basement, currently the warmest room in the house as I have refused to turn on the heat just yet, watching Grace and Ben play with the kitchen set.  It is after lunch and we are all still in our pajamas.  It's just one of those days.  And oh, how I love those days.  After this past week a lazy day is just what I need.

The weather has gone from sweltering summer to cool, brisk fall overnight.  On Monday the boys went off to school in shorts and tee shirts and this morning it was pants, long sleeved shirts, and jackets. 

Our schedule has changed just as dramatically as the weather has.  Exactly what I was dreading when school started.  Our slow, laid back days have given way to drop-offs, pick-ups, football practice and football games, swimming lessons for all four kids all at different times, boy scout meetings, soccer practice, doctor's appointments, and homework.  This week has been especially rough when it seems all of these activities have started at the same time.  I feel as though we were really thrown into the firestorm and I'm left feeling a bit depleted at the moment.

So, yes, we are all huddled in the basement, midday, still in our jammies.  But the kids are fed, so I get points for that, right?

I console myself with the thought that our schedule will slow down a bit when the sports activities are done in a month.  At least that is what I told myself on Monday when I decided to take on yet another endeavor.  This one for myself.

At one point in my life singing and acting and dancing took center stage.  Literally.  Auditioning for a role for a musical or play was just something I was so used to and it was not uncommon for me to be on stage in 3 or 4 shows a year.  Singing alone on stage in front of a few thousand people was my norm.  I would also sing for 5 or 6 weddings a year and was also always part of one choir or another.

For the past twelve years I have had zero contact with the girl that loved the stage.  I have not been part of a choir.  I have not been on stage.  I haven't sung for one wedding.  I'm not exactly sure how it happened, but somehow, that girl disappeared.

On Monday I went to my first audition in thirteen years.  I was sweating just filling out the audition sheet.  I rolled my eyes as I listed my "experience" and recalled that it was all at least 15 years ago.  Pathetic. 

The Symphony Chorus director sat back and listened with her eyes closed as I sang my song a cappella and  with as much feeling as my shaky breath would allow.  She smiled, told me that my song was one of her all-time favorites, and had me do my scales.  I was pleasantly surprised with my range and the fact that the break I had in my voice when I was younger had now disappeared.

"You're just a little out of shape, aren't you?"  the director chuckled.

"Uh, yes.  I haven't really auditioned for anything in well over a decade so even more than out of shape I'M SO NERVOUS!"  I confided.   The director rolled her eyes and told me she wanted to punch me, whether from the admission of my nerves or the fact that I hadn't been singing in so long I don't know.

"You're nervous?  I'm nervous! I don't want to go after you!"  the next auditionee said loud enough for everyone to hear.     

The director handed me my rehearsal schedule and told me she would see me in a couple of weeks.  And just like that I was back.  I suppose I had never really disappeared.  I was just "on hold" for a little while.

I got home and told Todd and the kids that I was now a part of the Symphony Chorus (the same one I was in 15 years ago) and they all clapped for me, hugged me, and congratulated me. 

Later, as I started to put my rehearsal dates in my calendar I wondered if I had made the right decision in auditioning.  Could our already busy schedule handle one more obligation?  Todd quickly put that thought out of my mind and told me how proud of me he was and that he thinks I am such a great example for our kids.  I don't know about that, but I am looking forward to getting some of "me" back again. 

I don't plan on working my way up to 4 or 5 shows a year again.  But maybe someday I could be in another musical.  Todd has never seen me on stage like that before and I always kind of regretted that.  Plus, it would be neat for my kids to see that their mom is good at something other than making dinner and cleaning toilets.  Maybe someday. 

For now, I'm just happy to have this day to sit in my pajamas with my kiddos in our warm basement.