Friday, December 7, 2007

The Perfect Mother

Oh why can't I be
The perfect version of me
Each day for my boys

My dear boys,

I'm trying. Really, I am. Each day I struggle to be the perfect mother to you. I try to be loving, understanding, kind, compassionate, patient, fun, happy, and present. Yet it seems that at the end of each day I look back and see I could have done better, done more.

If I were the perfect mother:

I would walk away to cool off when my temper flares, instead of hissing at you threw pursed lips.

I would see your temper tantrum for what it is instead of rolling my eyes and throwing my hands in the air.

I would hug your frustration away, instead of adding to it.

I would always maintain eye contact with you when you are telling me a story. I know how important and special that makes you feel.

I would realize that playing Hot Wheels with my boys should always trump doing the laundry. Before too long, the Hot Wheels will be put away, and my teenage boys will no longer want me in their circle of friends.

I would worry less about the mess, and realize that dusting and vacuumming can always be done later.

I would let you help with chores without worrying how much longer they take to get done. It is important for your self-esteem, and you are able to do more than I've realized.

You are growing too fast. Getting older by the second. Soon I will be missing your mess, your noise, your thunderous play. I must take advantage while I can. You are mine but a moment.

I'll keep striving, with God's help, to be the mother you deserve. I will pray to be loving, understanding, kind, compassionate, patient, fun, happy, present, and worthy of God's most precious gift. Never doubt my love for you. It is what pushes me to do better, and to be better for you.

I'm trying. Really, I am. Each day I struggle to be the perfect mother to you.

I love you,


AnGlOpHiLe FoOtBaLl FaNaTiC said...

That's beautiful K. I think the boys will appreciate you with all your faults. And, I assure you we are all striving to do better. WE aren't perfect. The boys understand that, too. Trying is the important part of the story.

Laura said...

What a great post. I also wish to be the best mom I can be...but it sure can be challenging at times!

Just stumbled upon your blog. Will be stopping in on a regular basis as I have enjoyed the few posts I have read.

I also have 3 children - my eldest boy will be 4 on Monday, middle child, a boy, turn 3 yesterday and a baby girl who turned 10 months yesterday! I look forward to reading your family adventures!

Thanks for sharing!

Toni said...

Do you read my mind?

Great ku! Happy Friday!

WorksForMom said...

Perhaps you are my long lost identical twin. Perfect is the enemy of good, my friend. And you sound like a GREAT Mom to me! Beautiful ku!

Julie Pippert said...

AMEN Kathryn!

You know, if I am more objective, the thing is...what I recall is the ONE time I lost my cool over a tantrum, or ran out of patience after the fifteenth battle over getting ready and leaving on time (that day).

What I don't recall, while reviewing my day are the other 23 thousand times I did walk away with my temper, or keep my patience, or deal creatively with a tantrum.

Every day I hope beyond hope to be the mom these kids deserve, and also to give myself credit when I am.

Great post. :)

Using My Words

Maddy said...

I mine have a lot more to forgive than yours. Lovely post.
Best wishes

This is my calling card or link"Whittereronautism"until blogger comments get themselves sorted out.

Bren said...

What a touching letter to your boys!

OHmommy said...

Seriously... you read my mind. I was thinking the same things today. :) Nice post!

girlymom said...

Imagine if you were perfect, that is pretty hard for little boys to live up to- mistakes make us all human, thankfully. This is a very touching letter to your boys.
Have a great weekend.

Kellan said...

What a beautiful letter! I too struggle with these same things and I think you are probably doing the best you can do! Take care and have a good weekend. Kellan

Chrissy said...

Beautifully written post. Isn't it always a challenge to live up to our ideal image of Mom. Keep up the good work.

SusieJ said...

You are doing just fine... It is such a struggle. But maybe keeping the note wouldn't hurt either!

jewelgirl said...

No one ever tells you how hard it
is to be someones Mumma. You are
so lucky to be able to be with them
when they are young. They'll remember you being there. You're
right. The dust can wait, but time doesn't. Enjoy those cute hot wheels boys!

painted maypole said...

oh yes. I know this well. a good reminder, and beautifully done.

Family Adventure said...

Your writing is lovely! You are doing a great job with your boys - and I'm sure they know how much you love them and how special they are to you!


Kellan said...

Hey Kathryn - hope you are having a good Saturday. Thanks for coming over and leaving the nice Birthday message for my Dad. See you soon. Kellan

Emily said...

Do you really feel this way? Because I so often feel I am the only one who does not walk away, does not enjoy the moments, does not have the patience I ought to have. I mean, I know I am not a terrible mother, but I so want to believe that the good outweighs the bad, and I just don't.

Brittany - 4 little MEN said...

What a beautiful letter... your boys (all 4) are blessed to have you in their lives.

have a great night!


Rima said...

That was so well said. I think you'd be hard-pressed to find a mother who didn't feel the same way at the end of the day. It's hard, but we try, and that's important, too.

I think the fact that you reflect about these things at all says a lot about you as a mother - and it's all good!

Haley-O said...

I'm sure all us moms can SO relate to this. Beautiful, heartfelt post.

Beck said...

Beautifully written.
I think our children need - within limits - to see our anger, to know that their behaviour affects people.

bubandpie said...

Always is a pretty big word - if you ALWAYS leave the laundry for later, the children WILL start to smell eventually. ;)

Wright said...

Seeing your boys happy smiling faces tells me you are doing a great job. Always strive to be better, but don't forget to pat yourself on the back now and then. (Easier said than done sometimes, I know!)


Texan Mama @ WhoPutMeInCharge said...

A very beautiful post. I think you're not alone in those feelings. We've all been there. The fact that you are even aware and willing to try again is a testament to your character.

Words To Live By

Be grateful for each new day.
A new day that you have never lived before.
Twenty-four new, fresh, unexplored hours to use usefully and profitably.
We can squander, neglect, or use them.
Life will be richer or poorer by the way we use today.
Finish every day and be done with it.
You have done what you could;
some blunders and absurdities crept in;
forget them as soon as you can.
Tomorrow is a new day.
You shall begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be
encumbered with your old nonsense.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson