Good Medicine

It is hard to remain in a weird place when there is goodness and light happening all around you.  

This weekend was just what I needed.  

The chaos that always ensues as we are packing for a weekend up north happened as usual but quickly gave way to a relaxing three hour ride to the cabin.  The trip was broken up nicely with a stop at one of our favorite supper clubs known for making some of the strongest Old Fashioneds around.

(Finally able to relax)

I hadn't been there since before we had kids and it turns out it was even nicer than I remembered. The kids had a blast playing games and drinking their kiddie cocktails before dinner, everyone enjoyed their meal, and we had many compliments on our fabulous kiddos.  An all around good time.

The rest of the weekend followed suit.

The kids were in the water early on Saturday and stayed there for the majority of the day. It gave me plenty of time to read my book (something funny this time- Dad is Fat- Jim Gaffegan) and soak up some sun.

The kids got to try tubing for the first time. Safe to say they loved it. Even Grace got on (with Joey as her safety blanket) and was hooting and hollering and smiling. Such a brave little thing.  Tubing was a hit! Molly was jealous and tried to swim out after the boat a few times until Todd let her join him in the boat.

Evenings were reserved for campfires and smores.  Just a little extra sugar to help the exhausted kids make it until bedtime.

It was a perfect weekend to solve my weirdness.  I'm sure more weirdness will creep in now and then but I think sunshine and fun can serve as my medicine.

The weather will hover around the nineties this week.  Perfect for more swimming, sprinklers, ice cream, and memory making.  No weirdness allowed.

Weird Stuff

I feel like I've been away for a long time.  The truth is I have had too much weird stuff floating around in my head to write about but here it comes.

I already wrote about my best friend and her family visiting and what a wonderful time we had together, but I omitted quite a bit of information from that post. The major event I left out was my mom's health emergency.

In the middle of the night (3 a.m. to be exact) I received a call from my brother that an ambulance was called for my mother.  Apparently, she had such horrible back and chest pain that she couldn't breath. She couldn't even move.  I, of course, threw on some clothes and rushed out the door and even beat the ambulance to the hospital. Not wanting to wait around I then drove to my mom's house and watched as the EMTs worked on my mom in the ambulance.  I followed them to the hospital and stayed with her in the ER.  Of course we all (doctors included) thought she was having a heart attack.  Bad news considering she had open heart surgery less than two hears ago and we recently found out that her replaced valve has not been doing as good a job as we hoped.

After a little wait we found out she was not having a heart attack.  The doctors then looked into a possible blood clot.  More waiting and we found out it wasn't that either.  After many hours in the hospital, tons of tests, and lots of anxiety, we found out that she had broken three vertebrae in her back. My mom has to take steroids for her cancer and a side affect is that it can make bones more brittle and the result this time was worn down vertebrae.  Luckily, it was a somewhat easy fix (injecting liquid cement onto the vertebrae) and she was released from the hospital a couple of days later.

All of this while I had five guests staying at my house.  There was a lot of back and forth to the hospital and very little sleep on my part.  The day my houseguests left I was able to take my mom home from the hospital and she has been doing fairly well.

However, it has kind of made me... searching for the right word here... cautious? Cynical?  A bit morbid, perhaps?

My mom is doing okay right now, but how long is this going to go on?  She has a terminal cancer. Granted, it is in remission (though Multiple Myeloma doesn't go into remission this is as close as she can get, she is doing so well), but the meds she is on take a toll.  She had to have open heart surgery to repair damage done by the cancer.  Now she had to have another procedure to repair what the meds for the cancer are doing to the rest of her body.  I'm just wondering how much more her body can handle.

I think about how my grandma died at 79.  My mom is going to be 74 in a few months and she has a serious illnesses (not that you could tell by looking at her- the woman walks miles everyday, volunteers for everything, is very active,  and still does all of her own yard work, etc.).  How much longer does she have?  Honestly, I am lucky I have had her these last 8 years as we were told she had no more than a few months when she was first diagnosed.  But, truthfully, that doesn't make me feel any better.  I can not imagine my mom not being here.  I can't even grasp that.

I also wonder how it feels.  How does it feel to be 75 or 80 and think, "Well, if all goes well I probably have 5 years or so left."  What does that feel like?

Dark thoughts.  They are in my head.

And I tried not to let it affect me but it did.  Our whole 4th of July (usually my favorite) just seemed off. I'm sure it was a combination of stress, lack of sleep, coming off of a great visit with friends, not feeling well physically, and Todd and I constantly butting heads (don't get me started on that one, it had been going on for far too long) but I just wasn't feeling it. I even stayed home while Todd took the kids up north for the weekend.  That is the first time I've done that in forever.  It turns out that was what Todd and I needed to get back on track.  Just a little separation. However, I still am in this weird place.

It is fitting that I took the opportunity while feeling weird to read Under The Dome by Stephen King.  A weird book, indeed.  I used to be a huge Stephen King fan but then drifted off for a long time.  This is the first King book I've read in a long time. It was great until the end.  The end was very, very lame.  So weak.  And that kind of stinks because when you read a 1074 page book you like the ending to be satisfying. But it wasn't.  So many parts of the book would get to me.  I'd lie awake at night and stew over the antagonist but I knew King would handle him in the end.  The antagonist always got their due in King's books.  But he didn't. Not enough to satisfy me, anyway. And it miffed me. I feel like I was just left hanging.

So, I continue to go on feeling weird.  Stephen King only made it worse. Imagine that.

I'm not sleeping at night.  And it is weird.  First, it was because I wasn't feeling well. But the past week I have been awoken from a deep sleep by a loud banging or smashing noise.  Around 2 in the morning every night for almost a week I have been jolted awake.  I don't know if it is my crazy dog banging into my table or chair next to me as she stretches out, or if I have a certifiable ghost that likes to wake me up. Either way, it is freaking me out and exhausting me.  It is LOUD, people. I mean loud! I can't believe the hubby can sleep through it.  He did wake up one time but that was because the bang was against the foot of the bed on his side (I'm almost certain that one was the dog's big block head hitting the bed as she got up).

Last night I was having a dream that I was getting my picture taken with Clay Matthews and Todd was getting his picture with Aaron Rodgers (seriously, the only way that dream could have gotten more Wisconsinite is if we were eating brats and cheese while drinking a  Miller Lite), and just as my mom was snapping my picture there was a big *SMASH* that sounded like the toilet seat had been slammed down.  I was jolted awake once again.  The only reasonable explanation is that my dog (she moves around a lot at night) went to lay back down in her bed and banged my chair against the wall as she did it.  But it didn't really sound like that.  Whatever.

Weird stuff.  I told you.

I'm tired.

Maybe some time up north hanging by the lake will help me shake this weirdness off. A light, funny book.  Fishing.  Bonfires.

And, hopefully when we go up north this weekend there won't be any crazy ghosts or clumsy, obnoxious Goldendoodles that like to wake me up.  I need some rest.

 Sweet pictures help to shake the weirdness too.

Party Week

When you have four adults and seven children in one house for five days it has the potential for disaster.  Or at the very least annoyance, fights, and weakened friendships.  Thank heavens our week was none of the above.  It was fabulous!

The kids all got along so well and enjoyed playing with each other.  There were no fights, very minimal whining, and lots of sharing and laughter.  I am really proud of the way all seven of the kids behaved with each other.  Even running on a lack of sleep the kids were all amazing.

And let's just say the adults had some fun as well.  This was the first time, EVER, that my best friend and I actually got to watch our mindless Monday night television (The Bachelorette- don't judge me) together instead of texting each other throughout the whole show.  Yes, it took us three and a half hours to watch the entire show because we couldn't stop laughing and talking, but it made the show so much more fun.  The hubbies were free to go out on the town and enjoy their hot wings and didn't even have to witness our ridiculousness.  And the next night Sarah and I relived our high school days and went to see our old boyfriends (nkotb) perform at Summerfest.  It was a great show.

This morning my oldest and dearest friend and her family packed up their family and headed back home to Oklahoma.  We miss them already.  I guess the idea of starting our own commune didn't really sound as good to them as it did to us.  Ah well.  It was fun while it lasted.

Next up the 4th of July!  One of my very favorite days of the year.  Celebrating our fabulous country with noodle salads, sprinklers, picnics, and fireworks. Life is good.

They're Back

My babies are back home, safe and sound.

All is well in my household again.  My family is back together.

Honestly, it all worked out pretty well.  The boys came home with lots of great stories but also with thankful hearts.  They were glad to be home.  They missed us.  Todd tells me that this is why it is important to let them do stuff like this.  Hmm... I'm still debating that, but it was nice to hear the boys tell me again and again how much they missed us.  And they showed it too.  Both of them had $40 of their own money to spend at the camp store and they both used half of it on their family.  Tommy bought Todd and I coffee mugs, Gracie got a pink stuffed piggy, and Ben got some Boy Scout badges.  Joey splurged and got Ben a pocket knife (I'll be holding on to that for a while) since he didn't get to go to a camp this year.  Such sweet, thoughtful boys.

Truth be told, I couldn't be prouder of my boys.  Both of their scout leaders pulled Todd aside and told them how our boys were the very best behaved of all the scouts.  They listened, were polite and helpful, and behaved perfectly.  Both scout leaders told Todd that they wished all of the boys behaved like Joey and Tommy.  One leader even said he hoped his son learned a thing or two from Joey.

Makes my mommy heart so proud.

Now we are resting up (the boys are so exhausted) and awaiting our houseguests.  My best friend and her family should be here in a little while and will be staying with us for 4 days.  I can't wait to see them all again.

There is no shortage of excitement around here.  By the time it is all said and done I think we will all be good and exhausted.

Fun and exhausting, just as summer should be.

PSF- Not The Same

This is Tommy and Joey.  My two oldest boys.  I understand some time may have passed since these photos were taken but this is pretty much how I still see them.  

So, you will understand my concern when my two oldest babies came to me this past spring begging to go to Boy Scout camp in summer.  The very first thought that popped into my head was, "Oh, HELL to the no."  Before you judge me take another look at the pictures above.  My babies, people.  Okay?  

Todd, on the other hand, seemed to think it was a fabulous idea.  He kept spewing stuff about how it will be "good for them" and blah, blah, blah.  I don't know.  I didn't hear half of it.  All I could think of was "My babies!"  

*sigh*

Apparently, my argument for not letting them go, "Because I don't want them to!", didn't hold up and the boys were signed up for camp.  

This past week the preparations were made.  Travel sized toiletries, bug spray, and sunscreen were purchased, along with brand new flashlights and batteries, camp chairs, and healthy snacks.  Wednesday morning came and together the boys and I packed up the suitcases with their clothes and made sure they had every last thing they needed. 

The boys knew I wasn't a huge fan of letting them go.  "I know you two will be fine." I told them.  "I just  like being the one taking care of you."  I didn't happen to mention the fact that I don't trust anyone else to take care of my babies like I do. And I know bad things could still happen if my kids were with me but at least I would be with them.   

"I know mom." Joey said.  "But, you know when you just sometimes want to be by yourself?  Yeah.  I am kind of like that too.  No offense to you or anything.  I just like to, ya know, be by myself sometimes." I nodded and told him I understood. 

"Yeah, mom.  I'm gonna miss you, but I really want to go off on my own. When I'm by myself I feel kinda proud of myself and grown up and stuff. No offense." Tommy told me. I wasn't offended. I was proud. And I let them know it.  

To make myself feel a little better, and because I'm paranoid, the kids and I read "I Said No" yet again. The perfect book that makes them feel empowered without freaking them out.  They love that book.  I love that book.  I think we both felt better after reading it again.  

We went over rules.  We went over safety.  We talked about how they are representing not only themselves but their family too and they need to be the good boys we know they are.  

Then it was all over but the crying. Okay, fine, I didn't cry. I held it together for them. But I wanted to cry.

See?  Babies, people!  MY babies!

The boys let me hug and kiss all over them for a good, long time before they left.  

Joey's camp is two hours away and he was the first to leave at 11:00. Tommy soon followed at 12:30 to set off for his camp 30 minutes from us. An hour later Grace heard a car door outside and she excitedly said, "Are the boys back?"  I explained the boys would not be home for a few days and she told me she missed them already.  Ben and I agreed.  

I've been checking the weather at both of the camps incessantly.  There have been thunderstorms.  I'm sure Tommy was fine in his cabin, but Joey and his troop were staying in tents. And I can't call them. I don't like that. If I could just talk to them and hear how they are doing that would help. But no. 

So, I worry. It's what I do. 

It's been weird around here. So much quieter. You'd think I'd enjoy that but I don't. It's eerie. Ben and Grace play calmly with each other and bore quickly. Mealtimes and bedtimes go so much faster. Playing outside isn't as thrilling.  Even going swimming wasn't as much fun without Tommy and Joey with us. And to think we have a whole other day and night to get through yet.  

It's not the same around here without them. We are ready for them to be home. I want my babies back.  I don't like this whole growing up thing. I'm not good at letting go no matter how slowly I have to learn how to do it. 

Hosted by Cecily and Lolli

Monday

The bench is steaming hot and the exposed skin on my legs burns as I sit down.  I pull my ponytail holder off my wrist, gather my hair together, and whip my hair up and off of my neck.  The boys have already settled in on the playground.  Tommy and Joey are digging in the sand and Ben is hanging from the monkey bars.  I glance at my watch.  Thirty-five minutes to go.

I pick up my homemade iced coffee and take a sip.  It cools and revives me at the same time.  It is so humid I can feel the moisture settling into my skin.  I set my coffee down and grab my book trying to take my mind off the sweat dripping down my back.  Soon I'm swept up into my book.

Before I begin the next chapter I take another look at my watch.  Not even ten minutes have passed.  I steal a glance around the playground and find the boys chasing each other around.  They run up the slides, down the slides, across the monkey bars, up the climbing wall. Finally they settle in the area below the slides and start up some imaginary world on a submarine.  I wonder if they know how lucky they are to have each other.

My mind wanders back to a time when three boys was all I knew.  My heart swells with memory.

A large group of kids from the YMCA's daycare come bounding onto the playground. Immediately the playground breaks into two distinct groups. Boys are playing on one side and girls on the other. I laugh at the separation and return my attention back to my book.

"Are you Ben's mom?" a little boy that I recognize asks me.

"Yep!" I answer as I place my bookmark in my book.

"Yeah.  I go to school with him."  the cute little blond boy tells me.

"I know!  You're Caleb, right?" I say back.

"Uh-huh!  My teacher doesn't let us bring cars to the park but I did anyway." Caleb announces and shows me his pockets full of Hot Wheels.

"Well aren't you a little stinker!" I feign shock.  "Don't worry. I won't tell. Just don't lose them, okay?" I remind him.

"I have so many cars. They are everywhere. It doesn't matter."  he tells me as he runs off calling for Ben.

My eyes follow Caleb back to the playground and I notice Joey trying to help a little boy reach the highest exercise bar. Joey wraps his arms around the boy's waist and lifts him. The boy stretches and reaches with all his might but his fingertips still come up a couple inches shy of the bar. Joey sets him down, wraps his arms around the boys thighs and lifts him again. The boy's fingertips just brush the bar.  Joey sets him down again and looks up at the bar. Joey and the boy talk for a few seconds and then Joey gets down on his hands and knees and instructs the boy to stand on his back. Holding on to the pole next to him the boy does as he is told and finally reaches the bar.  Both of the boys let out a "Yay!" as the young boy dangles by his hands for a few seconds and then drops to the ground.  Joey gives him a high five and goes about his business on the playground with his new little shadow following after.

"Mom! Hey, Mom! Watch this!" Tommy yells to me.  I find Tommy on the monkey bars and watch as he skips one bar and then two on his way across.  "Did you see that? I can skip bars!"  He shouts.

"Cool!" I answer back and toss him a thumbs up.

"Watch this!" Tommy repeats as he goes back across the monkey bars again and again.

This goes on for a few minutes.  Each of my boys playing the "watch me" game and vying for my attention.  Accolades and thumbs up are given out to each boy until they are satisfied and find something else to occupy themselves with.

I pick up my book again but am immediately distracted by the girls screaming on the merry-go-round type of apparatus a few yards from me.  There are 8 or 9 girls sitting on the circle demanding that the boys come over and push them.  Two good-natured fellows take on the challenge.  Round and round the girls go while the boys huff and puff. The circle does not spin easily and stops the minute the boys take a rest.  The girls are not satisfied.  They insist the boys go faster and tell them they are wimps when they don't succeed.  The boys finally get fed up and leave the girls to push themselves.  I shake my head and smile. "Girls, girls, girls. You are going about this all wrong." I think to myself.  I can't help but chuckle.  They'll learn.

I sneak another peek at my watch. Twenty minutes left.

My eyes find my boys on the playground.  All three of them are playing together with half a dozen boys they don't know.  Joey is, of course, barking out orders.  "Batten down the hatches, men! Prepare to dive!" he orders his soldiers.  Ben and Tommy take turns looking through the periscope and calling out their location and where the enemy submarines are. "We are gonna Run Silent, Run Deep, men!" Joey tells them.  "What does that mean?" another boy asks.  Joey just shakes his head.

Tommy climbs up a ladder on the outside of the "submarine" and notices me watching.  Unsure of where my eyes are looking underneath my sunglasses he tosses me a big cheesey smile.  I offer a big cheesey smile back.  Satisfied that I am watching him he races up the ladder and continues with his play.

Ben follows Tommy up the ladder and a bigger boy smooshes in next to him, vying to be the first up the ladder. The whole ladder shakes and wobbles as the older boy tries to budge past Ben. For a moment there is a struggle between the two boys until Ben decides it isn't worth it and allows the older boy to go ahead of him. Ben looks over at me to see if I've witnessed the injustice.  I toss him a thumbs up as I raise my voice and say, "You rock!"

I check my watch, yet again, calculate the time it will take to walk one block back to the YMCA, and decide we still have another five minutes left.

"Just a few minutes guys.  Then we have to head out, okay?" I warn my boys.

They nod their heads and I delve back into my book.

A few minutes pass and Ben walks up to me.  "Is it time to get Gracie yet?" he asks.

"Yep!  We'd better get going." I answer.

"We wouldn't want to be late.  She'd probably freak out, right?"  Ben says.

"Maybe." I laugh.

I call the boys and soon we are walking back down the sidewalk, into the Y, up the stairs, and down the  hallway.  We are a few minutes early and the boys entertain a baby and the other waiting families with their goofiness and silly faces.  I shush them and try not to roll my eyes at their antics.

The door opens up and 7 tiny, pink ballerinas come walking out, each with worried faces.  The worried faces melt into happiness and relief when their parents are spotted.

"Mommy!" Grace squeals as she runs to me.

"Hi honey!  Did you have fun?" I ask her as I sweep her up into my arms.

"Uh-huh! And I didn't even cry!" she tells me.

"Good job! Such a big girl!" the boys and I tell her proudly.

Down the stairs and out into the sunshine we go.  My three boys.  My girl.  And me.

Things That Make Me Smile

Summer is finally here. The weather went from 60 degrees one day to 92 the next. Yay for hot weather.  Hot weather makes me smile.  

The kids have been playing outside and I have been enjoying time on my patio, surrounded by flowers, reading a good book.  

The kids run back and forth from me to the playset to the bushes back to me.  They show me each little rock and stick they find and ask me a zillion questions.  I read a sentence or two and they are back again.  Sometimes they find something picture-worthy and I jump up to grab my camera.  Two butterflies landing on Ben's thumb make me smile.  So does his joy.

I found a recipe for little s'more mini cupcakes online and OH.  MAH.  GAWD.  They are good.  No bonfire required.  And the kids LOVE them.  They were smiling from ear to ear. 

On Saturday my mom and I went to see the much hyped Wicked together.  With the weather being so warm and lovely we were able to sit outside of the restaurant and enjoy our meal.  The waitress asked us if we were going to see Wicked and then mentioned that they have a Wicked themed martini that smokes and bubbles like a cauldron.  It was so cool looking and was absolutely delicious.  As was our meal.  Smiles all around.

After our dinner we strolled on over to the theater and took our seats.  It was a great show.  Very funny.   The set and costumes were amazing.  We had a wonderful time.  More smiles.

Sunday was our church picnic. The kids look forward to it all year round.  Mass was outside and we finally got to meet our new priest.  Father Matthew is only 30 years old. Younger than me.  I can't believe I'm old enough for the leader of our church to be younger than me.  Egad.  Still, his sermon was wonderful and he has much enthusiasm and a great sense of humor.  We enjoyed meeting him and talking with him. After waiting patiently as we talked with Father Matthew the kids were finally released and went wild playing all the games and picking out yummy desserts from the bake sale.  I don't think they ever stopped smiling.

We went directly from the church picnic to our annual family reunion held at a beautiful park.  The kids played and ate and played and ate some more while we chatted with family and basked in the sun.  It was a wonderful day.  I wasn't the only one smiling.

When we got home from the family reunion I grabbed Molly and we went out for a run.  It was a difficult run with so much food in my belly but we managed.  Finally home, I weeded my gardens and noticed some beautiful flowers finally beginning to bloom in the warm weather.

The new rose bushes I planted are full of buds.  One beautiful yellow rose just began to open.

The hibiscus tree on my back patio has the most gorgeous blooms.

And one of my favorite flowers was blooming as well.  My lovely, round, purple firecrackers.

Soon my whole garden will be full of flowers. The reds and yellows and pinks and purples will be on full display (click here for previous year's display).  I can't wait.  Makes me smile just thinking about it.

In less than a week my best friend and her family are coming to stay with us for four days.  I know having 7 kids and 4 adults under one roof will probably be madness but I can't wait.  I've only seen her twice since she moved to Oklahoma 4 years ago and we are overdue for a visit.  We'll get to watch the ridiculous Bachlorette together on Monday night (instead of having to text each other during the show) and on Tuesday we are going to see NKOTB, Boys II Men, and 98 degrees in concert.  It is high school all over again, man!  I feel slightly badly for our husbands but I still can't wipe the smile off my face when I think about it.

It seems we have much to smile about around here.  How about you?