Friday, June 28, 2013

PSF- Not The Same

This is Tommy and Joey.  My two oldest boys.  I understand some time may have passed since these photos were taken but this is pretty much how I still see them.  
So, you will understand my concern when my two oldest babies came to me this past spring begging to go to Boy Scout camp in summer.  The very first thought that popped into my head was, "Oh, HELL to the no."  Before you judge me take another look at the pictures above.  My babies, people.  Okay?  

Todd, on the other hand, seemed to think it was a fabulous idea.  He kept spewing stuff about how it will be "good for them" and blah, blah, blah.  I don't know.  I didn't hear half of it.  All I could think of was "My babies!"  


Apparently, my argument for not letting them go, "Because I don't want them to!", didn't hold up and the boys were signed up for camp.  

This past week the preparations were made.  Travel sized toiletries, bug spray, and sunscreen were purchased, along with brand new flashlights and batteries, camp chairs, and healthy snacks.  Wednesday morning came and together the boys and I packed up the suitcases with their clothes and made sure they had every last thing they needed. 

The boys knew I wasn't a huge fan of letting them go.  "I know you two will be fine." I told them.  "I just  like being the one taking care of you."  I didn't happen to mention the fact that I don't trust anyone else to take care of my babies like I do. And I know bad things could still happen if my kids were with me but at least I would be with them.   

"I know mom." Joey said.  "But, you know when you just sometimes want to be by yourself?  Yeah.  I am kind of like that too.  No offense to you or anything.  I just like to, ya know, be by myself sometimes." I nodded and told him I understood. 

"Yeah, mom.  I'm gonna miss you, but I really want to go off on my own. When I'm by myself I feel kinda proud of myself and grown up and stuff. No offense." Tommy told me. I wasn't offended. I was proud. And I let them know it.  

To make myself feel a little better, and because I'm paranoid, the kids and I read "I Said No" yet again. The perfect book that makes them feel empowered without freaking them out.  They love that book.  I love that book.  I think we both felt better after reading it again.  

We went over rules.  We went over safety.  We talked about how they are representing not only themselves but their family too and they need to be the good boys we know they are.  

Then it was all over but the crying. Okay, fine, I didn't cry. I held it together for them. But I wanted to cry.
See?  Babies, people!  MY babies!

The boys let me hug and kiss all over them for a good, long time before they left.  

Joey's camp is two hours away and he was the first to leave at 11:00. Tommy soon followed at 12:30 to set off for his camp 30 minutes from us. An hour later Grace heard a car door outside and she excitedly said, "Are the boys back?"  I explained the boys would not be home for a few days and she told me she missed them already.  Ben and I agreed.  

I've been checking the weather at both of the camps incessantly.  There have been thunderstorms.  I'm sure Tommy was fine in his cabin, but Joey and his troop were staying in tents. And I can't call them. I don't like that. If I could just talk to them and hear how they are doing that would help. But no. 

So, I worry. It's what I do. 

It's been weird around here. So much quieter. You'd think I'd enjoy that but I don't. It's eerie. Ben and Grace play calmly with each other and bore quickly. Mealtimes and bedtimes go so much faster. Playing outside isn't as thrilling.  Even going swimming wasn't as much fun without Tommy and Joey with us. And to think we have a whole other day and night to get through yet.  

It's not the same around here without them. We are ready for them to be home. I want my babies back.  I don't like this whole growing up thing. I'm not good at letting go no matter how slowly I have to learn how to do it. 

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Dawn said...

This growing up stuff happens so fast. Doesn't it? I know what you mean about still seeing those kids as babies. :-) Camp is a big milestone. My youngest goes to camp the week after next, for the first time. With my daughter gone at ballet all day too, this means that I'm going to have an empty house for a week. I alternate between being excited about this, and a little sad.

Kelly said...

Hang in there. This is Drew's 4th year going and it does get easier. I still miss him like crazy but don't worry *quite* as much. :) They will have a blast. It's definitely harder on us mom's than it is on them!

Annmarie Pipa said...

oh my gosh...I can SO relate!!! when our first went away to camp I personally interviewed each councilor with incessant what if's and packed her with enough supplies to last every seasons weather....I now have 3 boys at camp...I didn't even wake up to see them off and told them to call if they need anything..hahaha

Mom24 said...

(((Hugs))) and plenty of empathy. Hope they have a great time.

Bijoux said...

It really is so hard, no matter how old they get. Do you know how many of my FB friends post statuses like, "Everyone will be home this weekend! Yeah!" They will always be your babies!

Tabor said...

Unfortunately this whole growing up thing is the most important part of growing up...if it doesn't happen you find yourself at age 30 still living at home with Mom. Keep that picture in your mind! You boys are really neat and I wish my grandson could hang out with them. They are just the kind of growing up he needs.

Kat said...

Tabor- HA! "the whole growing up thing is the most important part of growing up..." Perfectly said. And I know I should be grateful and happy that they are growing up as they should but it is just going too damn fast! And they are still my babies!!! ARGH!
But it is right. And the way things are meant to be if you are lucky. And we are lucky.

Wisconsin Girl said...

Can't wait to hear their stories when they get back! But I can't imagine letting them go for the first time. I don't do well with that at all and should be better with it. I'm not sure how I'll handle mine leaving for the first time. It's hard for me to let them go by their grandparents. I just like them with me. But Sam has said something similar to me that he likes to be alone sometimes without his sisters. And he deserves that attention too that I can't always give him. Even though it's crazy when he is here and he is always trying to get a rise out of his sisters, I miss him so much when he isn't here. Have fun giving them lots of hugs tomorrow!
And on a side note, we haven't made it to the lake or swimming pool yet, but we are all SO anxious to go! Glad you had a chance to go:) said...

you sound like me the first time i let the girls to go to my MILS house. hope they had fun and i want to hear all about there trip when they get back.

lime said...

i TOTALLY get what you are saying and feeling. my son heads to haiti on wednesday.

that said, as i am reading this i see what a great job you have done with your boys. you have the kind of relationship where they can calmly tell you why it feels like a good thing to them and do so in a way that is aware and respectful of your feelings. and you hear them and prepare them appropriately with safety and such. really, kat. pat yourself on the back there. and if you have a few moments of missing them bad enough that you want to cry, go ahead. it's ok. you're allowed. they're your babies. but don't forget what a great job you've done.

i'll pray for the camp time (lots of fun and total safety) for them and for you (peace of mind and fun with the other two) because they are your heart walking around outside your body. i know! do me a favor and pray for my boy as he heads out?

Cyndy Bush said...

I was biting my nails just reading this and I already read up and know they made it home just fine!! LOL I feel your pain. When I first had children, the thought of them off doing ANYTHING without me terrified me. And when their dad and his GF first took them to the beach without me, OMG I needed medication.
So glad they went and had fun!

Riahli said...

Oh my goodness, you totally made me cry! I would feel the same way! We've only done overnights so far, and that is hard enough on this mommy!!! And I can call {and do} can't imagine not being able to do that! But it is good for them, and from reading your other post it seems that it was a great growing experience for them, and those are so important! :)

Krystyn @ Really, Are You Serious? said...

Gosh they grow up way too quickly!

So glad they made it back home before you knew it..I would be a nervous wreck too. I was gone last weekend and the oldest cut her hair.

I was gone yesterday and N fell off a tree and busted her lip and face!

Checking out that book, too...we need something like that around here.

Words To Live By

Be grateful for each new day.
A new day that you have never lived before.
Twenty-four new, fresh, unexplored hours to use usefully and profitably.
We can squander, neglect, or use them.
Life will be richer or poorer by the way we use today.
Finish every day and be done with it.
You have done what you could;
some blunders and absurdities crept in;
forget them as soon as you can.
Tomorrow is a new day.
You shall begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be
encumbered with your old nonsense.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson