Joey made it easy. From the very first moment it seemed like the most natural thing in the world. It was like magic. And it made me feel like superwoman. I could comfort my baby. I could provide all my baby needed. I could nourish my baby. I could make my baby happy. The only thing my baby needed in this whole world was me. Breastfeeding turned out to be the most unexpected best decision I've ever made.
It wasn't always easy. When Tommy was colicky, and my milk was squirting in his face, and he was screaming and refusing to eat I questioned it. When I got mastitis I questioned it. When Ben was just a wee baby and wasn't gaining weight as fast as he should be I questioned it. But I still knew it was best. So when each of my boys tried to wean themselves (too busy with looking around and exploring this new world to sit still for long) at 10 or 11 months I made them keep going until they were a year. And I treasured every moment knowing it wouldn't last much longer.
This past year with Grace has gone faster than any year of my life, and now she too has weaned herself from breastfeeding. I knew it was coming but I'm glad I didn't know when the last time would be. Had I known I'm sure I wouldn't have been able to choke back the tears. Knowing it would be the last time I looked down to see her sleepy little eyes closing as she nurses. Knowing it would be the last time I felt her tiny, sweaty hand on my back. Knowing it would be the last time I would ever see milk dripping out the sides of her mouth as she smiles up at me. I'm glad I didn't know. I'm emotional enough already.
I'm really going to miss this.