Wednesday, April 21, 2010

34

How on earth did I get here so quickly? I have four children? Really? I have a seven year old who is joining Cub Scouts, and winning Student of the Month awards, and reading in front of church? Really? I have a five year old helping me fold laundry, sweep up floors, make his bed? How can that be? I have a three year old who gets dressed all by himself, puts on his shoes, and zips his jacket by himself? When did that happen? I have a BABY GIRL who is rolling and scooting all over the floor, swinging on swings, laughing at her brothers, and throwing her little arms around me giving me squeezes? Seriously? When did this happen?

I swear sometimes I still feel like I am the babysitter. I feel like any minute I should turn to the oldest child and say, "So, do you know when your mommy will be home?" Yet, I am the mommy. I am responsible for these FOUR little ones. Me. How is that possible? Am I old enough to be doing this? Am I qualified to be preparing healthy meals, and setting doctor's appointments, meeting with teachers, keeping the kids clean/fed/clothed/well rested, teaching them all they need to know? After all, I'm just a kid myself.

And then I remember. I'm not a kid anymore. I'm not even in my twenties. In fact, I am on the precipice of my mid thirties. But I still feel like a kid. I still feel exactly as I did 10 or (gulp) 15 years ago.
And yet, they all call me "mom". And when he gets hurt he comes running to me. And when I walk in the room her whole face lights up. And when he succeeds I am the first to know. And when he is sad he needs a hug from me. And every time they reach another milestone my chest swells with pride. And when I see them happy I am happy too.

I don't know how I got here. I don't know what happened to the breezy, carefree days of my youth. And tomorrow I will be yet another year older. Time keeps on rolling by, picking up speed as it goes. But I will do my best to slow it down. Because, as it turns out, these are the best years of my life. No matter how I got here.

36 comments:

Rebecca Ramsey said...

Oh honey, I know what you're saying. Sometimes I look around and think, how did this happen? Who's in charge here? Oh yeah. I am. I used to think my mom knew everything, and now I know she felt just like me, just doing her best, hoping she'd get most of it right.

Life does go faster and faster. When I took my first child for college visits, I thought, "Shouldn't I be the student?" It doesn't seem so far away.

Robyn said...

Love the photo. It does go fast doesn't it, I'm sure with 4 it is a whirlwind. Happy Birthday tomorrow.

Mom24 said...

Happy early birthday. I hope it's a wonderful year.

You're more than qualified. :)

Kelly said...

I have those same thoughts all the time. I think I can't possibly be 37, married with 3 kids. I still feel so young at heart and time is flying by so quickly. How can I be old enough to have an 11 year old? Seriously!!

Have a great 34 birthday!!! I'm sure your hubby and kiddos will make it special!

Mandi Miller said...

Isn't it crazy how for so long we can't wait to be older. Each year seems to drag on. Then all of a sudden the years are flying by too fast and we just want to slow things down a little bit. I only have one child but I can completely understand what people say who have grown kids, "enjoy this time because it will be over before you know it!" It's so true!! This was a beautiful post!!

Hilary said...

Time sure does pass quickly when you're busy raising kidlets. Happy Birthday, Kat. You're still a very young puppy! :)

Elaine A. said...

I adore this post mostly because I can so relate to it. When did I become the mommy, the adult?? I hope you have a wonderful birthday Kat!!!

Lisa said...

Happy Birthday dear! I hear you loud and clear....and MY baby is ONE today?!? How is that possible???
Hope you have a great one!

MamaB said...

Amen!! And Ditto! I just turned 32 yesterday and I had all the same emotions that you just described. I wish you a very happy 5th anniversary of your 29th birthday!!!

Cassie said...

I remember when we left the hospital with Jackson, and all I could think was, "Are you sure I'm qualified? Don't I need to take a test or something?" LOL. I guess that feeling never goes away.

Happy early birthday!

Emily said...

I am sooo with you...I frequently feel out of touch with reality when it comes to my age!

Sara said...

I hear you! And how!

Karen Deborah said...

So is it your birthday? I mean are you just thinking about stuff like getting older and feeling younger? Guess what hunny I am going to be a senior citizen this year that oficial double digit number. And other than the discounts which I will accept happily I still feel like a kid too; most of the time.

sitting on the mood swing at the playground said...

Happy Birthday! Great photo.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Whew! It sure does fly by!
Many happy returns! I hope you took a break to enjoy the richness of your life!

Jaysi said...

Happy Birthday to you! What a great pic of the kiddos!

Kristen said...

Happy Birthday to you tomorrow!! Hoping your day is as wonderful as you are!

And I'm thinking your kids are pretty happy that you are mom, and not just the sitter! :)

hugs friend!

April said...

Happy birthday, Mama!!

Rima said...

Yes, they are the best years, aren't they? You are a spectacular mama and you have a gorgeous family. I hope you have a wonderful birthday!

Hattie said...

Happy Birthday!!! These are the best years. It's like that country song, "It won't be like this for long." I have to keep reminding myself of this too! Love the post & the pic! Too cute!

Scrappy said...

I feel the same way. It is surreal, isn't it?
I hope you have a fabulous day tomorrow!

Wendy said...

Happy Birthday! What a great picture of your little guys and girl.

Dawn said...

Happy Birthday Kat! I think you put this so beautifully, it's what so many of us mothers feel.

DysFUNctional Mom said...

This made me smile. So sweet. I totally identify, as Friday I will watch my oldest go to his first prom...*sigh*
Happy Birthday!

ewe are here said...

Happy Birthday!

And weirdly, I understand this post completely -- I often feel the same way (even though I'm even older!)

Love the picture of the 4 of them -- just love it.

Carol said...

Oh, Kat! This post is just precious. I remember looking at my first son, newly born and nestled in my arms and saying to him: "I love you with all my heart. But you can't call me mommy. I'm too young to be anyone's mom"!! And you know....even now that he's 34, when he comes through that back door and says, "Hi Mom", my heart melts into puddles!!! Enjoy every second....and I pray you don't EVER feel 'grown up'!! Hey...I'm twice your age....and I'm still a kid!!! xoxoxoxoxxo

p.s. Your children are just beautiful!!!!!!!!

Not Your Aunt B said...

Happy birthday! Love the photo. And I am in that club too. My mind thinks I am in my late twenties. I have even said so to numerous people, not lying on purpose, but I really still feel 28. Then again, I was stuck at 24 for about 5 years too. I don't feel like I am in my thirties...it's like time has stood still but moved so fast at the same time. And how I have an almost 2 and 4 year old, I have no idea! I've been in shock about that all week, even though, hello! it's not news. You are right though, these are the best years of our lives!

lime said...

what a great picture of your kids. that ought to be framed.

as for how you got there, just wait. one day you turn around and have one in college and one with a driver's permit, and one sprouting the beginnings of upper lip fuzz as he towers over your head, which is spinning as you try to figure out where your wee ones went.

Krystyn said...

Oh, my goodness do I totally understand. I feel the exact same way. When I think of myself as mommy, it takes my breath away!

PS Happy Birthday!

tweetey30 said...

happy b-day. you know I feel the same way with my two girls.. You are a wonderful person for doing what you are doing and keep it up..

Siobhan said...

Thought I'd pop by and wish you a very happy birthday! I know what you mean, I still feel 10 or so inside and wonder how I am able to get away with it all! It feels like one day I'm gonna get caught. Beautiful picture, I can't believe how big they're all getting! xx

Kelli @ writing the waves said...

Beautiful kids and a beautiful post. I feel the same way about wanting to hold on to this time with my kids. It really does go so fast.

painted maypole said...

yes. some days it feels so natural, and other days it feels so strange.

Happy Birthday!

Stephanie said...

I look at my life that way too. If I have four kids when I'm 34 I will feel so blessed. I hope you had a fantastic birthday and may they only get better.

And HOW do you get 4 kids to pose the same and all look at the same time?? What is your secret??

Laura McIntyre said...

Happy Birthday , even if im a little late.

I would love to know how you get them all to look at the camera at the same time, they all are adorable.

kanishk said...

Time sure does pass quickly when you're busy raising kidlets. Happy Birthday, Kat. You're still a very young puppy! :)Time sure does pass quickly when you're busy raising kidlets. Happy Birthday, Kat. You're still a very young puppy! :)

Words To Live By

Be grateful for each new day.
A new day that you have never lived before.
Twenty-four new, fresh, unexplored hours to use usefully and profitably.
We can squander, neglect, or use them.
Life will be richer or poorer by the way we use today.
Finish every day and be done with it.
You have done what you could;
some blunders and absurdities crept in;
forget them as soon as you can.
Tomorrow is a new day.
You shall begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be
encumbered with your old nonsense.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson