Friday, January 22, 2010

I Do Not Like Myself

Oh boys, I am so sorry.
You deserve better than this.
I have been awful, mean, horrible
and I don't know why.
You have not been bad.
I have been bad.
You have done nothing wrong.
I have done everything wrong.
I don't know why I act like this sometimes.
I don't know why I take a perfect day and ruin it completely.
I don't know why I have such a mean side to me.
I don't know why.
But I am stopping it right now.
I am stopping it before this bad morning turns into an even worse day.
I am stopping it because you certainly don't deserve my horrible behavior.
Please forgive me.
You are precious to me.
You are smart, and kind, and beautiful, and wonderful gifts.
I am so sorry if I hurt your feelings.
I am so sorry.

29 comments:

Emily said...

One of the best things about kids is that they always forgive and they love unconditionally. I've had days like that before too...I hope your day gets better. *hugs*

Doc said...

Awwww it will be ok Kat. I'm sure it can't be that bad....

Brittany said...

we all have these bad mommy moments!! Don't beat yourself up!! HUGS!!!And I am sure it wasn't as bad as you think-- cut yourself some slack!

wright said...

Kat - Don't be so hard on yourself. Be glad that you can see it before it gets out of hand. I am sure you didn't do anything wrong.

Mom24 said...

No answers, but lots of empathy. I don't know why I have days like this either.

(((hugs)))

Cheri @ Blog This Mom!® said...

You're a mom, a good mom, and everything that comes with that. Love yourself. And, if you're having a hard time with that today, then here's some cyber-love from me:

XOXOXO

Robyn said...

Been there. It will get better.

Hattie said...

Awwww sweetie it's okay. Every mom has days like this. Shoot I have one once a week! You're a great mom and your boys & baby girl love you no matter what!

Rima said...

Oh, Kat! We all have days like those. They know you love them.

Tonya said...

If we are honest we all have days like this. Hang in there! Btw, that poem was beautiful.

Riahli said...

Oh....I feel this so often. I truly do. I cry myself to sleep some times thinking these very thoughs that you have just expressed. I also feel like I have a mean side, and I get so frustrated some times. I think it's mostly because there is always so much to do it gets overwhelming and then I just get nasty. I'm sorry that things got rough but I do truly believe that it takes a good mom to realize and admit when they are wrong. The fact that you are trying to turn it around means the most. We can't be perfect, we are human, all we can to is remember to try our hardest...to get back on track when we get a little lost. I have a strong sense that you are over all a most wonderful mom. This is going to sound weird but knowing that another mom has days like me, and wonders why she gets so mean some times makes me feel less alone. It's hard to share the less then perfect moments. I wish we lived closer, I think we could possibly be great friends, can you imagine taking our kids places together? Ha, ha 6 boys and 2 girls...we would be party crashers! :)

Kristen said...

Hang in there friend. You are NOT a bad mother!!! Repeat, NOT a bad mother! Remember you are allowed to be human. :)

Sending many hugs your way....

Tracey - Just Another Mommy Blog said...

Hugs, honey. We've all been there. More often than most of us care to admit...

painted maypole said...

oof. i know those days.

hope it all turned around. and i know those boys will remember the good times, which are so, so much more frequent.

xoxo

Dawn said...

I've been there to. Thank you for your honesty. I pray the rest of your day goes better.

Kelly said...

We've all had days like that, trust me, I've had many. The best thing is, those sweet kids are quick to forgive and forget, it's us mommies that have a hard time. Forgive yourself, give them a big hug and kiss, and play some hide and seek in the house. :)

Amy said...

We all have these kinds of days. And those kids always forgive us...they're just so dang perfect that way ;-) Hope your weekend got better!

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

We all have those rotten days...but they'll always remember you apologizing.

Not Your Aunt B said...

You told them you were sorry. That's the most important thing and they will remember it. We all have those days. They appreciate that you know you were wrong as much as you do when they know they are wrong. Tomorrow is another day.

DysFUNctional Mom said...

You have so much on your plate, and your hands so full. Please don't be TOO hard on yourself. xoxo

imbeingheldhostage said...

Oh, I have a lump in my throat. Wow, have I written that same note in my head too many times to count-- in fact, the way I sent the kids off to school today? This could be my theme song.

Kat, your boys will remember the smiles and laughter and enormous loads of love they felt. Boys' memories are amazingly forgiving and these one or two off-days (weeks) won't even be remembered (they will remember how a mom, who they treasure, was humble enough to ask for their forgiveness even though they can't remember the offense).
Hug yourself for me.

Lindsay said...

All of us (moms) have been there before - know that you aren't alone! It will get better - promise. Especially acknowledging there is a problem - that's an awesome step! Hang in there.

Jessa said...

I hope after a nice relaxing weekend that you are feeling much better. I've been there...so many times.

Debbie in CA : ) said...

You said it . . . you've been forgiven . . . now it's gone --
ALL GONE!

Put that smile back on your heart (it will reach your face in no time) and let the lovin' flow freely again . . . without weights of recrimination.

Keep goin' -- you're doing fine.

(Oh . . . how many times I have walked this path, cried these tears, shared these words . . . )

XOXOXOXO . . . !!!

Karen Deborah said...

oh mom we all have bad days give yourself a break! your knees were probably aching from falling down the stairs! You know hurting makes a mama cranky! Just tell them your cranky! they will totally get it.

Karen Deborah said...

oh mom we all have bad days give yourself a break! your knees were probably aching from falling down the stairs! You know hurting makes a mama cranky! Just tell them your cranky! they will totally get it.

Elaine A. said...

I hope the weekend was better. But you know this happens to all of us Moms, right? Hugs my friend.

Momisodes said...

I am sorry.
Days like these are so tough.
Hoping today is better.

Kat said...

Thank you all for your kind comments. And you are right. Little boys are incredibly forgiving. :)

Words To Live By

Be grateful for each new day.
A new day that you have never lived before.
Twenty-four new, fresh, unexplored hours to use usefully and profitably.
We can squander, neglect, or use them.
Life will be richer or poorer by the way we use today.
Finish every day and be done with it.
You have done what you could;
some blunders and absurdities crept in;
forget them as soon as you can.
Tomorrow is a new day.
You shall begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be
encumbered with your old nonsense.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson