This has been a heck of a week, as you can imagine.
Todd's father is still hanging in there. He was so bad on Wednesday that no one thought he would make it through the night. It has been up and down. An emotional roller coaster. Preparing to say goodbye over and over again, making peace with it, then hanging on. Waiting.
We don't know why. Only God knows the plan. I know suffering serves some purpose even though we can't see it. Someone somewhere is learning something, growing from this experience. But knowing that does not make it any easier right now.
And then there is the senseless. Another tragedy. Another random act of violence. Looking for motives and reasons when there is none. Just evil. Madness.
It makes me so angry. So very angry that this is the world we are living in now. My rage boils up and tears spill out.
I want to run away. I want to throw away my tv, my computer, my phones, any connection to the outside world. I want to take my children and move to the mountains and hide out. Run. Away. I don't want to be part of this kind of a world. I don't want it. I don't want my children to see it. So full of evil.
I have to remind myself that there are good people left on this earth. Sometimes I wonder. But they are there. And I have to pray that the good will rise up. Smother out the bad. I pray.
It has been an emotional week.