A Long, Hot, Sweaty, Messy, Sleepless Night

The first day of my hubby's five day vacation started yesterday and we spent last night cleaning up vomit and comforting our poor little Benny. It felt like he was on fire when I picked him up. I could practically see the heat waves coming off of him.

I took him downstairs on the couch with me for a little while, gave him Tylenol, some water, and got him to calm down. When he became sleepy I put him back in his freshly cleaned bed and he actually went back to sleep. I was so proud of him.

A few hours later he woke up just as hot as he was before. I tried Ibuprofen this time and it worked for a while and then he was up again.

He has been miserable today. Just lying around like a hot, limp, little dishtowel. I can tell he is achy because he just can't get comfortable. He moves from my lap, to my chest, to the floor, to the couch, and back to my lap again, weepy and saggy. Poor little plum. The only word he has muttered all day is, "Mum. Muuuummm. Mum." over and over again.
This is not exactly how we pictured spending the last vacation days before school starts, but at least Todd was still able to get Joey and Tommy out to the sprinkler park for a few hours and then treated them to lunch. They came home all breathless and excited with tales of their good time. Ben had not been happy about staying home and I'm sure their enthusiasm didn't help. I felt so badly for him.

And I felt even worse when Todd got the older boys ready this evening to go to his dad's birthday dinner. As the boys grabbed their shoes and began putting them on Ben went and found his sandals and brought them to me. When I explained to him that he and I had to stay home he cried and cried. It is bad enough being sick but seeing your older brothers and daddy leave without you (for the second time) is just plain awful.

I am hoping that he feels better soon so that we can all go to the fair this weekend. Our most anticipated trip of the summer. Last year he was too small to join in on any rides or fun, but I was so looking forward to having him join in more this year. Now we may not even make it. We'll see how it goes.

For now I will just comfort and hold and snuggle him as much as he allows, and hope my pale, sweaty, little biscuit returns to normal soon.

Humor Works

Todd and I have a pretty solid marriage. We have fairly similar goals, we try to compromise, we get along pretty well most of the time, and we try to treat each other with respect in every circumstance.

Of course we have our problems too. Sometimes we are too much alike and in all the wrong places. We both have fierce tempers and are extremely stubborn. We both like to control situations and want things done our own way. We are both highly independent and need our space. All of these can cause trouble if we are both in the stubborn/controlling/temper tantrum mode at the same time.

Then there are times we couldn't be more different. He is an extrovert and I am an introvert impersonating an extrovert. He is a pessimist (he calls it being a realist) and I am an optimist. He would love to live in the country, and I need my city conveniences. He is constantly on the go, constantly moving, constantly fidgeting, and I could seriously hunker down in front of the TV for a whole day if left to my own devices. He wants to talk about a problem/fight/misunderstanding immediately and get it solved right now, and I want to ignore it like it never happened. The differences can get us into quite the pissing match every once in a while if we're not careful. Though I will say that we've learned to manage our way around our similarities and differences much better than when we were first married.

Luckily, we both have a sense of humor. The same quick witted, twisted, and sarcastic sense of humor at that. It has been our saving grace at times. Even when I really don't feel like laughing the man can crack me up. Sometimes his humor ticks me off even more (when I'm in the mood to be angry) and sometimes it works. Luckily it worked this time. I actually laughed out loud, which is saying something considering I was so annoyed to start with.

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One morning Todd and I were on each other's case about something or other. Probably something trivial like me telling him how long to put the boys' oatmeal in the microwave, and him getting pissy and telling me to bugger off because he knows how to make oatmeal. We kept exchanging snarky quips back and forth long after the boys had eaten their oatmeal, the dishes were cleared, and the boys were off playing. Clearly we were having one of those days. It just kept going and going until utterly annoyed I'd said, "You are really pissing me off!"
"Whatever." Todd muttered under his breath.
"I really wish I could kick you in the balls right now." I quickly spouted.
And without missing a beat Todd said, "I wish you had balls so I could kick them!"

WW- The Last of Summer

Love

Joey: "Mom, will you marry me?"

Me: "I can't marry you because I'm your mommy, hon. And I'm already married to daddy. Someday you will find a smart, lovely, sweet, funny, beautiful girl to marry."

Joey: "I don't want to marry anyone else. I want to marry you!"

Tommy: "I want to marry you too, mom!"

Todd: "I'm married to mommy! You boys will find your own special girl to marry someday."

Joey and Tommy: "I don't want to! I want to marry mommy!"

Me: "Aww. You boys are so sweet to your mumma."

Joey: "Fine! Forget it! I don't wanna get married then."

Tommy: "Me either!"

Me: "Why not?"

Joey: "I dunno."

Me: "Well, you don't have to worry about that for a long time."

Joey: "No. I don't want to! I want to live with you forever and ever."

Tommy: "Me too!"

Me: "You might change your mind when you get older sweetie."

Joey: "No! I don't want to get married! I want to stay here with you!"

Tommy: "Me too!"

Me: "Okay. You don't have to get married if you don't want to."

Joey: "Thanks, mumma."

Me: "Sure hon."

Joey: "I love you, mum."

Tommy: "I love you, mumma."

Me: "I love you too, you silly boys."

A Touchy Subject

It was one of those weekends. You know the kind you think is going to be relaxing and magical and wonderful that really ends up being exhausting, frustrating, and overwhelming instead? Looking back on the weekend it really doesn't seem that bad, but in the moment of whiny, hyper, fighting boys I lost my temper way more than I should have.

By the time we were driving home I'd had enough of my boys. All of them. Unfortunately I was trapped in the car with them for three hours. I swear I contemplated opening the car door and jumping out while we were going top speed on the highway. It was just never ending. Ugh.

It is times like these when I wonder if I should even be thinking of having a fourth child when I can barely muster the patience to handle the three I have. Add to that the fact that Todd basically told me he would agree to a fourth child mostly just to make me happy (even though he stresses that of course he would be thrilled to have another child) and I'm second guessing another child again. I know Todd is really enjoying the added freedoms that comes as the boys age. Throwing another child into the mix would "set us back" into the homebound mode for a little while again. And while it is nice of him to want to make me happy I can't go into planning a child with that as his reasoning.

And then there is the obvious. Do I want a fourth child simply to have a girl? Of course mothers of all boys hate to even bring this subject up. It is painful. It feels like a betrayal even thinking about wanting a girl. All the times I have been asked if we'll try for a girl, immediately becoming defensive of my wonderful boys, and denying any part of me that wishes for a girl so everyone knows how much I love my boys. It seems taboo to even bring it up. To even think about it.

Of course I love my boys. Of course I am grateful for each of them and would never want my children any other way than as they are. I am so blessed to have my three sweet, beautiful, smart, and loving boys. But would I also like to have a girl in this family? Well. If I'm honest the answer is "yes".

I think these feelings exploded when my mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer a few years back. Suddenly having a daughter seemed imperative. I must continue this mother/daughter relationship I kept telling myself. It must be duplicated. It must live on. I know that having a daughter does not guarantee that bond just as I know that I will have a very close bond with each of my boys. But again, if I'm honest, it is just different. The mother/daughter bond.

But if this is the main reason that I want another child then I know that I should not be trying for another child. If I will not be equally happy with a boy as I would with a girl then it is not even fair to try.

And so I've been praying. I've been praying for acceptance of whatever God's will is for me and my family. Whether it be that I have 3 children, 4 children or 5 children. Whether they are all boys or not. And I know that even if I never have another child I have already been blessed beyond measure. Whatever God has planned for me is in my best interest. I know that. But I need to accept it as well.

PSF- The Rosy Glow Of Summer

Hosted by Cecily and MamaGeek
As summer races to an end I am finding myself trying to cram as much summery fun in to a day/week/weekend as possible. Last weekend we went boating all day Saturday and Sunday. Every day this week has been filled with some kind of outdoor fun at a park or in the sprinkler. This weekend we will be going back up north to the in-laws' cabin and the week after that is the highly anticipated county fair. All of it is so fun and exciting that the boys are wiped out by the end of every day.

Yesterday was no exception. I decided to take the boys to one of our favorite spots on the beach to dig in the sand, throw some stones in the water, and soak in the sun. This spot is nearly always deserted and we love to pretend it is our own private beach. It is just a few short blocks from our house yet we don't go nearly as often as we should. Though after the fun we had yesterday I'm sure we will be spending much more time there in the future. Because the weather was just hovering around 74 degrees and Lake Michigan is known for being pretty chilly I decided not to put the kids in swim trunks. What I forgot to factor in was how oddly warm the lake water always gets in August and September. Add to that the big, lolling waves that were splashing up on the soft sand and I knew the boys would end up soaking wet.
They cautiously dipped their tootsies in. Tommy and Ben were amused by the water but a little taken aback by the strength of the waves. The loud continuous crash seemed to make their apprehension just strong enough to stick close to the shore.

Joey, on the other hand, couldn't resist. The last time we went in Lake Michigan the water was freezing so when Joey dipped his pigs in this time he was thrilled to find how warm the water was. After that there was no stopping him. The boy who last year screamed bloody murder if you tried to get him into the warm, calm inland lakes past his ankles was now plowing into the waves and body surfing. I was so proud.

And clearly, so was he. And just like that my big boy was even bigger.

Ben watched from the shore, hypnotized by the waves.

Tommy and Ben would wade in the water for a few seconds, and then take off down the beach in search of more stones and sticks.

And each time they would rush back and show me their treasures.

My ears were filled with, "Mom, look at this one!" from Tommy, and "Mum! Mum, mum, mum, MUM!" from Benny.All the while as the boys were enjoying the sand Joey swam.

He swam and swam until he couldn't swim anymore.

We returned home from that glorious day at the beach tired, sandy, and hungry. The boys each had a jelly jar of their favorite stones to remind them of the good time they'd had and proudly showed their daddy when he came home from work. Oh, summer, how I'll miss you.

TT- For Our Consideration

Thirteen things to consider when contemplating adding a fourth child:

1- We only have two and a half bedrooms in this house. I say a half because the "third" bedroom is only large enough for a crib/small bed, a dresser, and a chair. Not much else. If we have a fourth we may have to move sooner than later.

2- I don't want to move. I know we are already running out of room in this 1500 sq ft but I love my house. Although we always planned on this being our starter house it would be very difficult for me to move.

3- We could cram three boys into the 2nd bedroom for a while if we had to. Good Lord, help me. Bedtime would be nuts!

4- I think Todd is finally on board for four.

5- I do not like odd numbers. Four kids works so much better than three. With four no one will be left out. Everyone has a buddy.

6- I've always wanted a large family. Three just doesn't seem like a large family to me.

7- Joey has been praying (out loud) for a baby girl. "Dear God. I am asking for a baby girl in this family. If we have a baby girl I would take care of her and love her with all my heart. Amen." Ugh. My ovaries hurt just listening to him. I hope he is not disappointed when we have another boy. ;)

8- Can I really handle FOUR BOYS?

9- Four kids in six years. Ouch.

10- I love being pregnant.

11- Four kids in carseats/boosters. Yipes! That makes for a crowded minivan.

12- I'm already so blessed. Could I really ask for more? Isn't that just being greedy?

13- I would love to have another baby.