I Wish I Could Forget

He sat on the edge of the bed staring at a page in the magazine without really seeing the picture.  The room was dark.  The only light came from a small lamp on the table next to the bed.  There were overhead lights we could have turned on but we just couldn't bear it.  The room was bad enough without the greenish glow of the fluorescence adding to the awful yellow paint on the cinder block walls. 

I squinted at the picture to see what he wasn't seeing.  "That is a beautiful cabin isn't it, Daddy?"  I said to him.

"Oh yeah!"  my father answered back still staring into nothing.

Mom gently fingered each of his shirts as she hung them in the wardrobe on the opposite end of the room.  She tried to keep busy, folding and sorting, as we waited for someone to come help us.  It had been over an hour.

We had already given ourselves a little tour.  We'd seen the "dining hall".  We walked by the common area fully stocked with worn arm chairs and couches, an old television, puzzles, games, newspapers, and magazines.  We passed a woman sitting in her wheelchair in the hallway sobbing over the baby doll in her arms.  Dad bent down to her and said, "What a beautiful baby you have!  You're doing just great!"   One after another the prisoners received comfort from dad until mom and I could no longer witness his kindness and we took him back to his room.

When mom finished putting his clothes away and tidying up the barren room it was time to go. I went into the hallway and flagged down a nurse. 

"Excuse me.  My mom and I have to go now.  Could someone please come and sit with my dad or show him around while we leave?"  I pleaded.

"Um.  It is a really busy time of night right now.  Put him in the common area and he can sit with the other residents until we can get to him."  she said quickly.

"Well, I don't know if that will work. He might start to follow us."  I said, still trying to be polite.

"The doors lock so he won't be able to follow you."  she answered without thinking.

"Listen, it's his first night here. Isn't there someone that can be with him while we are leaving?"  I prodded.

"I'll be there in a minute."  she spat at me as she turned and disappeared around the corner.

I walked back down the hall towards my dad's room.  My stomach tightened and rolled, either from the ammonia smell lurking in the walls or what was to come.  

"Let's go take a walk and watch tv, okay?"  I announced as I rounded the doorway into the room.  Mom nodded her head knowingly and grabbed her purse. 

My face began to flush.  I felt hot and light headed.  I turned around and headed back into the hallway before mom and dad could see the blush that had crept into my face.  I made my way down the hall to the common area, my heart smashing against my ribs with each step.  After a few yards I checked behind me to see if mom and dad were following.  They were coming out of the room, walking slowly, holding hands.

As we reached the common area the nurse rushed over.

"Hi John!" she shouted at dad.  "I'm gonna sit with you in a minute, but you can sit here with Marianne and she will chat with you until I get back, won't you Marianne?"

Marianne did not say a word, or even look at dad, she just continued to stare at the light coming from the tv.  Mom and I looked at each other with wide eyes as the nurse ran away leaving us to the dirty deed.

We eased dad into a recliner and gave him yet another magazine.

"Someone will be with you in just a few minutes, dad.  Then they'll show you around, okay?" I bent over and hugged my dad around his broad shoulders that now felt frail.  Sweat was forming on my upper lip.  My throat was too tight to speak properly.  "I love you, daddy.  See you tomorrow." I whispered.
 
I stepped back and watched as mom kissed dad on the cheek and said, "Bye, honey.  I'll see you in the morning.  Love you!"  His eyes looked up at her questioning.  Confused.  Worried.

I forced my body to turn and follow my feet down the hallway.  As we reached the elevator I turned to see dad once more.

Still sitting in the recliner dad had twisted around to watch us go.  I waved my hand to him and he waved back.  And though we were a good distance away I could see he had tears in his eyes.  His lips trembled and lost washed over his face.  Abandoned.

I put my head down and let the hair fall over the sides of my face as I stepped onto the elevator.  I closed my eyes, grabbed mom's hand, and held my breath for the ride down to the first floor.   

The challenge was to write about a memory you wish you could forget.  If you have been reading my blog for a while you are probably not surprised I chose to write about my dad going into the first nursing home (thank God the second nursing home was worlds better) towards the end of his very long battle with Alzheimer's.  Though part of me wishes I could forget that experience I don't really want to loose any of my memories no matter how painful.  Each experience we have in life helps us to grow, and learn, and makes us who we are. 
I'm afraid I went over the 600 word count, but I edited all I could.

The Rescue

It was supposed to be a perfect day.  I had looked forward to it for weeks.  Finally, it was my turn for show and tell and I had brought my most prized possession.  The whole class had loved it.  "It was the best show and tell ever!" my friends all told me. They were trilled!  It was even better than I imagined it would be. 

But now.  Now was the moment I had been dreading. 

They were coming.  I just knew it.  They would be coming for me.  Just like every other day.  Except this day I would not be able to outrun them.  Not for two whole blocks.  I just couldn't.  Not while carrying this big box.  What was I going to do?  What could I do? 

My stomach twisted and turned inside me.  My palms were sweating.  I put my fore head down on my desk and let my long hair splay out around me like a big brown mop hiding my face.  A burning flush started to creep up my neck to my face and I couldn't help it.  I couldn't stop it.  The tears started to fall. 

I quietly wrapped my arms around my head so no one could see me crying.  Oh why didn't I just bring my teddy bear for show and tell?  I'd have a chance with my teddy bear but this was going to be impossible.  

Suddenly there was a hand on my back.  I froze. 

I heard her gray wool skirt move as she knelt down beside me.   

"What's wrong, Kathy?  Why are you crying?" she asked.

I sniffed my nose as subtly as I could and kept my head down on my desk with my arms still shielding me. 

"I'm okay." I answered mortified.  How could I let my favorite teacher in the whole wide world see my crying? 

"Is there something wrong?" she asked again.

"Well.  I just... I don't know what to do."  I broke down.

"Tell me." she said gently.

"Well, every day on the way home from school Trent and Bobby chase me.  Sometimes I can outrun them.  But sometimes they catch me.  And when they catch me they make me hold their hands all the way home.  A lot of times I am faster than them, cuz I'm pretty fast, but I can't run faster than them today because I've got to carry my guinea pig!  And if they catch me and make me hold their hands I'm gonna drop her!  I just know it!  And I can't run with Piggy because then she will bounce all around and I don't want to hurt her!  And I know they are gonna chase me today because they told me so! I don't want to drop her!  I don't know what to do!"  I cried desperately.

"Well I tell you what we are going to do, Kathy.  I'm going to have Bobby and Trent help me clean the blackboards after school for ten or fifteen minutes and that should give you plenty of time to get home.  How does that sound?"  she said with a smile in her voice.

Slowly I lifted my head, feeling relief gush out of me. 

"That sounds good." I said, finally able to break a smile. 

Just then the bell rang.  I jumped up, wiped the tears from my eyes with the back of my sleeve, and got my red, hand-me-down windbreaker jacket on as quickly as I could.  I swiftly checked my shoes to make sure I tied them good and tight.  I certainly didn't want anything tripping me up today.  I ran over to the window sill grabbed my beloved Piggy in her box and headed to the door.  As I got to the doorway I glanced back at my teacher and gave her my best smile.  She winked at me and waved me out the door.  Just as I was leaving I heard her say, "Trent and Bobby?  Would you help me?"  

The sun was warm on my back as I cautiously walked down the sidewalk holding the large cardboard box that my mom had given me to carry Piggy.  Every few steps I would cautiously look behind me just to make sure no one was following me.  But I was safe.  They would not follow me today. 

"Wasn't that the best day ever, Piggy?"  I asked as I looked down into the box.  "I just knew it would be."

This week's RemembeRED assignment was to write a memoir about kindergarten and I thought I'd give it a try. It is my first time joining in, so be gentle. 

It was a toss up between writing this story or writing about the time this same favorite teacher of mine dressed up as a witch for April Fool's Day and told us she was our new teacher (a la the book Mrs. Nelson Is Missing).  She was an AWESOME teacher. Let's hear it for awesome and memorable teachers, y'all!  Woot woot!