Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Inspirational Woman

How do you put into words the love you feel for the most inspirational person in your life? How can you possibly describe someone who has changed your life, shown you who you want to be, and been an incredible source of strength, wisdom, faith, love and devotion? It seems an impossible task to me, but to honor my mother, I will try.

To know her is to love her. She moves through life like a soft, and yet bright, golden light. She is warm, and kind. She laughs easily and often, making strangers immediately feel comfortable around her. She is fun and vivacious and would still describe herself as a tomboy even though she looks beautiful, feminine, and put together. She is uber dramatic and animated with large expressive eyes and grand, sweeping gestures. She is a nature and animal lover. She has even been called "the doggy whisperer" because she has such a kinship with them. She sings like an angel (with perfect pitch, too) and has been in the church choir for 35 years and countless musicals. Her hands are strong and gentle and have been well used over her 68 years. Whether cooking a delicious meal for her husband and six children, working in the garden, changing babies and grandbabies diapers, doing laundry, rubbing a child's back, feeling a feverish forehead, or serving a warm meal to the homeless, you can feel the love in everything that she does. She is always there. Ever available. Willing to listen, comfort, and help.

She has not had the easiest life, but you would never guess it by talking with her. My oldest sister died when she was nine years old from complications of Turner Syndrome. Even though I was not yet alive, my mother talked about her often and made sure that we all knew about her, and never forgot her. I remember asking mom if in her grief she ever became angry with God. She responded, "Oh no. I always knew that she didn't belong to me. None of you kids do. You all belong to God. I am just grateful I was able to have her for 9 years." She has amazing faith. It is her faith that truly defines her.

Two years ago on New Year's Eve she was diagnosed with end stage Multiple Myeloma. She was not expected to make it more than 6 months. She, however, knew something the doctors did not. While she was unconscious in the hospital she talked with Jesus. Jesus told mom that she had more work to do, He needed her, and asked if she would come back. She, of course, said yes.

She is doing miraculously well now (and is famous for saying, "I am really healthy! Well, except for the terminal disease, Hahaha!"), and doing God's work as she takes care of my dad who has Alzheimer's. Moreover, this past year she invited my 40 year old brother to come and live with them when he was depressed and out of work. She really is an angel here on earth.

You see, she has a theory. Life is not easy. It is not supposed to be easy. She believes we are given challenges that are intended to help us strengthen our weaknesses in order to be worthy of heaven when we die. She figures she has been given the task of taking care of my dad with Alzheimer's because she always felt her biggest weakness was impatience. This is her ultimate test of patience. And I can be the first to attest she is passing with flying colors.

Mom can be described as warm, kind, loving, humble, generous, beautiful, smart, emotional, fun, thoughtful, and caring. Some even call her Saint Gloria, but it makes her incredibly uncomfortable. She will be the first to point out her failings and weaknesses, which to me, makes her an even more perfect and relateable mother.
Still, I feel that I am not describing her accurately just yet. How do I convey the fun, silly, tomboy side of her personality? What if I told you that she drives around on a Spree scooter in summer with her dog propped in between her legs? How about I tell you about the time she and her granddaughters were zipping up and down the sidewalk on their push scooters, laughing and screaming even when mom flipped over onto her head? Hmmm. Perhaps if I tell you the story of my mom and dad canoeing down a river 10 years ago, then carrying the canoe over their heads up a muddy bank, and falling, sliding all the way back down the bank into the water, laughing the whole time? Maybe if I tell you that as a kid she would challenged the neighbor boy to a "peeing in the snow" contest and got really angry when he could pee his name and she couldn't? Or maybe that she would climb the trees, hike the trails, swim in the lake, camp in the tent, sled down the hill, and jump in the leaves right along with us? Would that do it? Hmmph.

I have heard people say, "Oh no! I'm turning into my mother!"  If only I could be so lucky. She lives her life as an example. She doesn't tell you how to live, she shows you. She doesn't tell you how to love people, she shows you. She doesn't tell you how to have faith. She shows you.

She is the most amazing, and influential person in my life. She is my mom.

This post was in participation with Hump Day Hmm.

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My Mom in Wordless Wednesday






Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Gone, Baby Gone

And there he goes. With a few simple steps my Benny has walked right out of babyhood. It all happened so fast. Two or three steps in between mommy and daddy quickly turned into a walk across the living room the next day. And that is not the only change. Ben has all but weened himself from breastfeeding, save for morning and bedtime when I practically have to force-breastfeed him just to make sure he is getting enough milk in combination with what he gets during the day. He eats crackers too. He finally has enough teeth where I can give him little bits of "real" food, and he stuffs it in his face with his chubby little hands like it was baby crack. But wait, there is more. Just recently I started to put him in his crib when he is drowsy, but awake, so he can get himself to sleep. And it is working. He can fall asleep, without me.
These are all amazing, positive signs that I have a healthy, normal, happy baby and I'm thrilled. Really, I am. But still, there is a tightening in my stomach, a lump in my throat, an aching in my heart. Do I really miss walking around in his bedroom for a half an hour, cradling him in my arms, bouncing him up and down, arms burning, back aching, shoulders tight? No. Do I miss running back into his room a half an hour later to do the same thing all over again? No. Do I miss sore, breastfeeding boobs, middle of the night feedings, and nursing pads? No. Do I miss the alone time, staring into the peaceful, angelic face of my baby, in his quiet, cozy room? Yes. Do my arms suddenly feel empty at night? Yes.
I feel so silly. What is wrong with me? Does every mother feel this way? I honestly can't remember this bittersweet feeling with Joey and Tommy. I was completely and totally thrilled with each little achievement. I wished for days when the boys would be bigger so we could do this or that. I wanted my boys to hurry and grow up. But now, seeing how fast it actually goes, I just want to savour every part of Ben's babyhood. And it is going too fast.
Yet, I find myself jumping up and down, clapping my hands, and squealing with excitement, "Look boys! Look at Benny walking! Good job, Ben! Todd, did you see that? Yea, Ben!!!". And he beams back at me. He is so proud of himself. And I am proud of him, too. And, I really am excited. I am thrilled. Really, I am.


Just look how happy it makes him.

Monday, January 7, 2008

Have/Have Not

I saw this list on the Dragonfly's blog a while back and loved it. It really gives you a glimpse into who someone is. You are supposed to mark the items you HAVE done in bold (I put mine in italics too). Here is my list:

01.
Bought everyone in the bar a drink (there weren't that many people in the bar though)02. Swam with dolphins (on my honeymoon- a dream come true for me)
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
(I have driven a Porsche though)05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said "I love you" and meant it
09.
Hugged a tree (many times. I like trees)10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby's diaper (HAHA!)
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26.
Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment (I was actually on stage during a production of "A Christmas Carol" during a scene where we were all supposed to freeze. I had my back to the audience, but my best friend was facing the audience and we COULD NOT stop laughing. My shoulders were shaking so badly.)27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29.
Asked out a stranger (I'll do just about anything on a dare, and to me this was the ultimate. I never asked out, or even called, a guy first. I'm very old fashioned that way)30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse [only of the moon, not of the sun]
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35.
Hit a home run36. Danced like a fool and didn't care who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states
41.
Taken care of someone who was drunk42. Had amazing friends43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44.
Watched whales45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe
47.
Taken a road-trip48. Gone rock climbing
49.
Taken a midnight walk on the beach50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your CDs (doesn't everyone?)
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58.
Sung karaoke59. Lounged around in bed all day (pre-children, of course)
60. Played touch football (I would play pro football if I could. I LOVE IT!)
61. Gone scuba diving (I went snorkeling- is that close enough?)
62. Kissed in the rain
63.
Played in the mud64. Played in the rain
65.
Gone to a drive-in theatre66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites
70.
Taken a martial arts class71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73.
Been in a movie74. Crashed a party75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days (WHY? Why, would I do that?)
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80.
Gotten a tattoo (from my bro who is a tattoo artist)81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on a television news program as an "expert"
83. Gotten flowers for no reason
84.
Performed on stage85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88.
Kissed on the first date89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one/both of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship
94.
Spoken more than one language fluently (in high school I was pretty close to being fluent in Spanish- now I can only remember the basics, but I'm planning on taking it again when I go back to school)95. Performed in Rocky Horror
96. Raised children (I'm still working on it)
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
98. Passed out cold
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100.
Picked up and moved to another city to just start over (sigh)101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102.
Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication (just once)
106. Lost over 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Touched a stingray
110. Broken someone's heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a TV game show
113. Broken a bone (my tailbone during my first labor)
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears
116.
Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol (all of them)117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120.
Had a snake as a pet121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for 30 hours in a 48 hour period (again, pre-children)
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. States
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
l131.
Parasailed132. Touched a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134.
Read The Iliad and The Odyssey135. Selected one "important" author who you missed in school, and read136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141.
Thought to yourself that you're living your dream142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146.
Dyed your hair147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head
149.
Caused a car accident (It really wasn't my fault though. Black ice. I was going super slow so I didn't even get a ticket. Plus, my car was the only one that had damage. So there!)150. Saved someone's life

So I guess that is 84 things I have done on this list. How about you?

Friday, January 4, 2008

Starting Over


Starting a new year
And I'm already behind
I must try harder

My patience too thin
My temper fires too quickly
Give the boys a break

Wish I could start the
New Year all over again
Do better than this

Today is new too
And I'll do better this time
It's never too late

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Happy New Year!

It is the very first day of a brand new year. Who knows what this year will bring. It is crazy to think how your life can change in one year. A whole new person can be added to your life in one year. Someone very dear can be taken away. It is both scary and exhilarating to think of all the possibilities for this coming year.

I am not one who makes New Years resolutions, and I don't plan to start this year. Instead I thought I would leave you with some of my hopes and dreams for this coming year.

1- Now that Benny has almost completely weened himself from breastfeeding I hope that my boobs do not shrink and shrivel even smaller than their prebreastfeeding size. Even more than that I hope that they do not hang and sag like some half-deflated sad little balloons.

2- Because it has been too slippery and snowy outside to run, and my treadmill is not working out for me, I hope my ghetto bootie does not get any bigger. I just barely fit into my old jeans, but if this butt gets any bigger they will surely rip under the strain revealing my sad little cotton undies. No one wants to see that.

3- I hope that Ben decides to take naps on his own seeing how his new fad of sleeping on me through his naps is driving me CRAZY!

4- I hope that the boys do not get even one little cold for the rest of the winter season. I know, I know, not likely. A girl can dream, right?

5- I hope that this new fancy, schmancy computer the hubby set up yesterday does not lock up every 32 seconds like the old computer did.

6- Our downstairs shower is FINALLY done, and I am begging and pleading the remodel gods that nothing else goes wrong, and the hubby and I can finally USE the shower after almost 4 months of dust, dirt, noise, destruction, construction, cleaning, more destruction and then reconstruction again.

While these things would all be great bonuses, what I really want is to be able to accept whatever God's will is for me and my family. The past two years have definitely given us some worrisome times, and I am ashamed to admit that I start this new year out with some intrepidation. I know God always has our best interest at heart. I know His plan for us is better than any I could imagine. Still, I want what I want. I want my mom to be with us for at least another 15 years . I don't want my dad to suffer through a horrible disease. I want everyone to be happy and healthy. I guess in short, I want life to be easy, which I know it isn't.

What ever this new year brings I pray for the strength and wisdom to handle it.
Happy New Year, everyone!

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Merry Christmas!

It is time for me to sign off from blogging for a few days, so that I can fully take in each and every moment of this magical time. I wish each of you a blessed Christmas filled with joy, love, and happiness.

I want to leave you with a story I received via email. I am not one who likes to read forwards, but this one brought tears to my eyes.

Enjoy!
***********************************************
The "W" in Christmas Each December, I vowed to make Christmas a calm and peaceful experience. I had cut back on nonessential obligations - extensive card writing, endless baking, decorating, and even overspending. Yet still, I found myself exhausted, unable to appreciate the precious family moments, and of course, the true meaning of Christmas.
My son, Nicholas, was in kindergarten that year. It was an exciting season for a six year old. For weeks, he'd been memorizing songs for his school's "Winter Pageant." I didn't have the heart to tell him I'd be working the night of the production. Unwilling to miss his shining moment, I spoke with his teacher. She assured me there'd be a dress rehearsal the morning of the presentation. All parents unable to attend that evening were welcome to come then. Fortunately, Nicholas seemed happy with the compromise.
So, the morning of the dress rehearsal, I filed in ten minutes early, found a spot on the cafeteria floor and sat down. Around the room, I saw several other parents quietly scampering to their seats. As I waited, the students were led into the room. Each class, accompanied by their teacher, sat cross-legged on the floor. Then, each group, one by one, rose to perform their song. Because the public school system had long stopped referring to the holiday as "Christmas," I didn't expect anything other than fun, commercial entertainment songs of reindeer, Santa Claus, snowflakes and good cheer. So, when my son's class rose to sing, "Christmas Love," I was slightly taken aback by its bold title.
Nicholas was aglow, as were all of his classmates, adorned in fuzzy mittens, red sweaters, and bright snowcaps upon their heads. Those in the front row- center stage - held up large letters, one by one, to spell out the title of the song. As the class would sing "C is for Christmas," a child would hold up the letter C. Then, "H is for Happy," and on and on, until each child holding up his portion had presented the complete message, "Christmas Love."
The performance was going smoothly, until suddenly, we noticed her; a small, quiet, girl in the front row holding the letter "M" upside down - totally unaware her letter "M" appeared as a "W". The audience of 1st through 6th graders snickered at this little one's mistake. But she had no idea they were laughing at her, so she stood tall, proudly holding her "W". Although many teachers tried to shush the children, the laughter continued until the last letter was raised, and we all saw it together.
A hush came over the audience and eyes began to widen. In that instant, we understood the reason we were there, why we celebrated the holiday in the first place, why even in the chaos, there was a purpose for our festivities. For when the last letter was held high, the message read loud and clear: "C H R I S T W A S LOVE" And, I believe, He still is. Amazed in His presence... .humbled by His love. Again, HAVE A BLESSED HOLIDAY SEASON AND A MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Words To Live By

Be grateful for each new day.
A new day that you have never lived before.
Twenty-four new, fresh, unexplored hours to use usefully and profitably.
We can squander, neglect, or use them.
Life will be richer or poorer by the way we use today.
Finish every day and be done with it.
You have done what you could;
some blunders and absurdities crept in;
forget them as soon as you can.
Tomorrow is a new day.
You shall begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be
encumbered with your old nonsense.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson