right from the start
snowballing into worse
Just when I think I've got it all figured out
I realize I haven't even begun
Just when I think my job is well done
I find out what a failure I've been
Not for the faint of heart
Sometimes I don't know if I'm strong enough
Give up
Run away
Call it quits
Not an option
Locked in my room
trying to reason it out
tears cloud my eyes
I can't see the answer
All my efforts failed
my last reaction, unacceptable
Epic fail
Today was one of those parenting days when I just wanted to run away. I honestly had to restrain myself from grabbing my car keys and taking off. I'm kinda at my wits end. And the scary part is that he's still so young yet. Don't people always say, "Little kids, little problems. Big kids, big problems."? Cuz, crap! Then I'm really screwed.
I don't know. I guess I just have no freaking clue what I'm doing anymore. Am I worrying about stupid things? Am I expecting too much? Am I doing more harm than good? Why can't I be more patient and understanding? Why am I so awful at this? MAN!
It's just so difficult sometimes. And it shouldn't be. It shouldn't be this hard! I think about parents that really have difficult children. How do they manage? My kids are so easy compared to so many and yet here I am pulling all my hair out.
*sigh*
I just wish...
I just hope...
I just want to do better.
"Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them."
P. J. O'Rourke
There's always those days. Sometimes it helps me to think, 'will this matter to me in 5 years?' Probably not! But it's hard when you're living through it.
ReplyDeleteHey from SA :) all i can say is.....
ReplyDeleteU R NOT ALONE.....we ALL have days like that.....asking similar questions and crying about it.....it's the toughest job in the world...ours...mothering...i also have what i call 'my challenge child'...hard work ! God created us moms with this thing called 'unconditional love' and it's that love that us through...our mistakes and theirs...stay strong Kat :)
Oh yeah! Been there! As Char said - "You are not alone!"
ReplyDeleteI remember that angst so well! You just feel horrible. Horrible.
I hope it passes quickly for you and smoother sailing ahead.
We've all been there. He may be little, but that doesn't mean it's little problems.
ReplyDeleteI'm a great listener and only an email away...
hugs to you; it is hard to be a parent; we always wonder and second guess and then when the kids grow up, then we continue to wonder and second guess. Just keep praying and trusting God and when you have a bad day, allow yourself a few tears, I think they can be healing.
ReplyDeletebetty
Take it one hour at a time, sister. That's all you need to do.
ReplyDeleteI've been going through some of this too, lately. I'm so sorry and yes, it is HARD some days. We do our best. Wishing I could hug you right now. And hoping today is better.
ReplyDeletexoxo
It must be the weather. because my two have been at eachothers throats for days now. I blame the weather and hope it gets better soon.
ReplyDeletewe all have bad days, we do. so when you have a bad day you then model how to handle it by taking responsibility and apologizing where necessary. you are by no means a failure, my dear. go back and read the posts about when your kids have done amazing things like insisting on giving charitable gifts at christmas, or brothers looking out for grace, or even shoveling lots of driveways. such great kids didn't happen by accident. they've been cultivated by a terrific mom. be gentle with yourself.
ReplyDeleteHugs to you Kat. We all have those days. Just last night, I went to sleep, praying for forgiveness for losing my temper with my family, wondering once again how I can start off the day with such good intentions, yet so quickly dissolve into chaos.
ReplyDeleteIt is ok, we all have those days. If there is ever a mama who says she never reaches her breaking point, who never wants to walk away, she is either lying or not being a real mother to her kids.
ReplyDeleteJust breathe, take a bath, regroup, and start again tomorrow.
Just remember, it will be later soon.
I've been there.
ReplyDeleteI promise it gets better.
It's never going to be all sunshine and rainbows. Anyone who says it is, is full of crap.
But it really does get better.
xoxo
Bijoux and Lime could have written my comment for me. In fact they did. Enough said.. except for "this too shall pass."
ReplyDeleteConsider yourself cyber hugged.
Some days are DEFINITELY so much harder than others. You are doin a great job!! :-)
ReplyDeleteBeen there. Done that. Got the bumper sticker. ;)
ReplyDeleteWe all have those days! BIG hugs to you, and hope that tomorrow brings deep breaths, clarity, and peace.
My oldest son told me once I was the best Mom in the world because I always said I was sorry when I messed up. I still think about that when I have hard days, and I make sure my kids see that I am human, I get frustrated and mad like everyone else....but I can also always admit when I am wrong and say I am sorry, and let them know i WILL try better. Sometimes thats all we can do!
Thanks for all of your lovely comments. I appreciate them all.
ReplyDeleteAnd I completely agree with apologizing when I've done something wrong. I know my kids appreciate it.
Today was much better. MUCH better. Hence the sign that I added at the end of the post.
I just need to keep perspective and in the midst of it all sometimes that is hard. I think I'll just walk around with duct tape on my mouth, or lock myself in my bedroom, on the bad days and wait for them to pass. ;)
Thank again!
the last time I felt like that I went on strike. yep..no cooking no cleaning no rules of any kind...afetr 3 days they were begging for a return of mom rule!!!
ReplyDeletegood luck..
The whole "big kids big problems" thing scares the crap out of me. Because I'm not doing too well with the little kid drama...
ReplyDeleteO come on, Kat, it’ll get easier, I promise you.
ReplyDeleteThe time will come when you let it all just wash over you and you’ll laugh at how you worried in the early days.
Or maybe not, of course.
Friko- HAHA!! That made me laugh out loud! :)
ReplyDeleteOh wow I relate to this...
ReplyDeleteMy stomach actually started to hurt when I was reading this, just because I have felt what you were describing and it hurts so bad. But you are right that we just have to keep our perspective. It gets better. :) {And then it gets worse, and then better and so on and so forth, ha ha!} Ahhhhh being a mom is so much fun! ;)
This is why I love reading your blog...you are so honest about the good AND the very hard parts of being a mom. Thanks for keeping it real!
ReplyDeleteI think (hope) we all go through this. In my mind it means we are doing okay. We are worried. We are scared and it's all terrible and wonderful. Right? Right?
ReplyDeleteI hope today was better. And I secretly hope this is as bad as it gets:)